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Gender Queer: a Memoir
Gender Queer: a Memoir | Maia Kobabe
92 posts | 83 read | 69 to read
In 2014, Maia Kobabe, who uses e/em/eir pronouns, thought that a comic of reading statistics would be the last autobiographical comic e would ever write. At the time, it was the only thing e felt comfortable with strangers knowing about em. Now, Gender Queer is here. Maia's intensely cathartic autobiography charts eir journey of self-identity, which includes the mortification and confusion of adolescent crushes, grappling with how to come out to family and society, bonding with friends over erotic gay fanfiction, and facing the trauma and fundamental violation of pap smears. Started as a way to explain to eir family what it means to be nonbinary and asexual, Gender Queer is more than a personal story: it is a useful and touching guide on gender identity--what it means and how to think about it--for advocates, friends, and humans everywhere.
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alisiakae
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Petty? Maybe? In late spring, a town commissioner spouted some very homophobic comments from the dais. This person was someone my teen respected and had numerous interactions with in the past. After no response to our emails, we agreed to a news interview.

In August, she just bought the tagged book, & I did not have time to drop her at home before my board mtg. Guess who was there? Guess who sat down & read ⬆️ book right in front of him? ⬇️

alisiakae Yes. My brave teen pulled up a chair, sat down, and spent the next 45 minutes reading this book right in front of the homophobic Commissioner. It took guts. I was so proud of her courage. Article of initial incident for background: https://www.wccbcharlotte.com/2022/03/31/huntersville-politicians-get-into-socia... (edited) 5d
KathyWheeler Yay for your teen! This is a good book. 5d
ChaoticMissAdventures Good job teen and mom! We need to be just as loud against homophobia as they are about their homophobia! 5d
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CarolynM Good for her. Brave kid💪 5d
TrishB Brilliant! Well done ♥️ you‘ve done a great job! 5d
janeycanuck The kids are all right! 4d
61 likes6 comments
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alisiakae
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Pickpick

Banned Books Week! And my selection was the top challenged book of 2021 🤬. Including a whole diatribe and campaign against this book by my state‘s LT Gov (who sits on NC‘s State Board of Education)

I am grateful to Maia‘s courage to publish this memoir, and I have seen first hand it‘s impact on non-binary genderqueer and exploring teens in my kid‘s friend group. This is MJ‘s favorite book of the year, and I can see why. It also provides ⬇️⬇️

alisiakae So much helpful information and perspective to cisgender parents & others who may be trying to understand what it FEELS like to be non-binary and/or gender queer. Maia explains eir experiences in a way that I think would help a lot of people better understand how gender is not binary. (edited) 5d
alisiakae #bbrc #bannedorchallenged @LibrarianRyan I‘ve filled the #bookex2022 #comingoutstory prompt already but this would be a great option for that prompt also! @Cinfhen @BarbaraTheBibliophage 5d
LibrarianRyan I love this book. I thought it was so well done. 5d
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alisiakae @LibrarianRyan SO well done! And I loved the books included and mentioned! Added some of those to my TBR. Especially this one 5d
Cinfhen Great review!! I‘ve heard WONDERFUL things about this book!!! 5d
alisiakae @Cinfhen thank you!! So my brave child spoke out with me a few months ago about a town commissioner who compared queer people to pedophiles and predators. Her statement was never aired (part of mine was), but in July she read this book right in front of him at one of my meetings. 😂😂 https://www.wccbcharlotte.com/2022/03/31/huntersville-politicians-get-into-socia... 5d
Cinfhen #RebelReader #Warrior way to go Alisia & props to M!!! 🙌🏻 5d
Kerrbearlib This was just banned from a high school library in my state. 😡 2d
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alisiakae
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🍄 New username alert! 🍄

I‘ve changed my username on Litsy from 4thhouseontheleft.

I‘ve been meaning to do this for a while, as I am also removing my last name from social media accounts and decided to streamline and make everything the same.

Above is some of my weekend reading plans (Pumpkinheads is a reread).😊 Reading is high on the agenda!

#booked2022

squirrelbrain Happy new name! 😁 1w
Cinfhen I really loved the old name….but I‘m sure I‘ll come to embrace this one too xx 1w
Emilymdxn Love both names! And I love both those graphic novels so much I hope you enjoy them! 1w
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TieDyeDude Good choices on the name and the books! 😁🙌 1w
KathyWheeler Both of those books are excellent. 1w
alisiakae @Cinfhen @emilymdxn Thanks! I liked the old name too, but I‘ve moved on from the house that inspired it 😂. I wanted to use my first name, and kae is my middle name with a twist (it‘s officially spelled kay). 1w
BarbaraTheBibliophage Nice change! Looking forward to your review on Gender Queer. 😘 1w
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Branwen
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In addition to being the start of spooky season, September is also important because Banned Books Week takes place this month! ❤️📚 I set up the display today, featuring the top ten most banned/challenged books of 2021. Book banning has been particularly bad this past year, so it's very important to stay aware of what's going on and to make sure people have the freedom to read what they want! #bannedbooks #bannedbooksweek

Leftcoastzen 👏👏👏👏👍📚❤️ 4w
TheBookHippie I LOVE THIS!!! 4w
Branwen @Leftcoastzen @TheBookHippie Thank you! 💕📚 3w
49 likes3 comments
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Leftcoastzen
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Pickpick

#bannedbook what a beautiful memoir ! A journey of self discovery for Kobabe who is trying to figure out where e/em/eir fits in a world that seems to want to define you.Look , a parent can control what their child reads but this book belongs in a PUBLIC library where all people should be represented.In my life I struggled with feelings & emotions that were not necessarily obvious or talked about in my family. Reading helped me realize I was ok.

TieDyeDude Absolutely essential reading! 4w
Bookwomble @Leftcoastzen I'm glad you realised you're ok 😊 And as @TieDyeDude also thinks it's essential reading, I've reserved it from the library 😁👍🏻 4w
batsy Beautiful review. Books providing a space for thoughts/feelings that are given no space within one's own family or community... So essential 💕 4w
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Reggie Lovely review. 4w
Leftcoastzen @Reggie thanks ,Reggie! 4w
Leftcoastzen @batsy thanks , I totally agree. 4w
Leftcoastzen @Bookwomble I hope you like it ! 4w
Leftcoastzen @TieDyeDude I couldn‘t agree more. 4w
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Christine
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Pickpick

This was great! I appreciate how the author's story demonstrates the complexity of gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation, interest in sex, and other ways we categorize and identify ourselves. Loved the art, too. Thanks, book banners, for helping to put this back on my radar! 😁

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underground_bks
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Pickpick

The #1 most banned/challenged book in America over the past year is a beautifully illustrated, vulnerable, and kind graphic memoir about self-discovery, gender, and sexuality. This is a moving memoir, but I also appreciated the informational elements in the text—whether that was about biology and the brain or what books Maia Kobabe was reading as a child or in college. I would have loved more info about the Spivak pronouns (ey/em/eir) ey uses!

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peanutnine
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Pickpick

This was a great graphic memoir. Super informative and honestly personal, it really details how complex and confusing gender can be. Maia explains eir journey of gender discovery and how e is still figuring out how to fit into a gender binary world.

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GirlNamedJesse
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Pickpick

I was surprised by how much I LOVED this book! I expected to like it, and to appreciate it, but I LOVE it. I did not experience eir gender journey, but the way e sank into fandom as a way to deal with stress and life and the community e found there made me feel very seen. Memoir is not usually my thing, but I‘m so glad to have had the chance to read eir story. I can already see (in its existence and reception) that it is a needed story for many!

Chelsea.Poole I loved this too! 2mo
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Rachiiebookdragon
Pickpick

A beautiful book 😊

Lovely author and memoir

Read for:

#ReadHarderChallenge2022

5/5 ⭐️

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ozma.of.oz
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Hey all! I know Pride Month is over, but it‘s important to read and share these stories all year round! Read and request queer books from your local library! Support a local queer focused charity! Thank your librarians that support the queer community!

All these books have been banned, removed, or attempts have been made to do so. Give one of these titles a look! #BookFlag

KathyWheeler Thanks for the list. I‘ve read Gender Queer, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, And Tango Makes Three, and Fun Home. I‘ll have to check out the others. I make a point of getting them from the library so I can be part of the demand for them. 3mo
Kenyazero 🥰 3mo
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CuriousG
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Hooray to summer and the fact that I finally got my hands on this edition of Gender Queer!

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Addison_Reads
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Pickpick

Loved this book!

It was emotional, educational, and the artwork was stunning.

I couldn't stop recommending it to people at the library today.

Chelsea.Poole I recently read this one as well. And I agree — beautiful artwork. Loved it! 3mo
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ozma.of.oz
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The next time you‘re in a library, thank a librarian for any pride displays they‘ve put up. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

1. Fugitive Telemetry by Martha Wells, aroace genderqueer narrator
2. Tagged!
3. Seanan McGuire. The first book of her Wayward Children series was only the second time I had ever seen textual confirmation of an asexual character. And I cried.

#SundayFunday Have a great day and remember to tag me so I can see your posts!

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Chelsea.Poole
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Pickpick

Thanks to @TieDyeDude for reminding me I need to read this after posting about it here! #BlameItOnLitsy
This is an amazing graphic novel that opened my eyes, which I so appreciate. It‘s one of the best things about reading…gaining new perspectives. Maia‘s book starts during eir childhood and continues through many stages, helping readers see experiences with gender along the way. Available instantly on hoopla, this was a great read!

TieDyeDude Yay! Glad you liked it. Such an important book 3mo
Addison_Reads I just got this from my local library today. I can't wait to start it. 3mo
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Julsmarshall
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Pickpick

This vulnerable, open, graphic memoir is so tender and honest. It offers a perspective to others around gender and some of the questions folks may have around this topic. This is so important to be in the world right now and I‘m honored to have read it. A quick, lunchtime read. I highly recommend! #queer #pride #lgbtqia+

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ErraticElle
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Pickpick

A fantastic read. Maia Kobabe has written a graphic memoir regarding the journey to understand & accept eir identity. There was a lot of honesty in these pages, with great exploration of anxiety. Kobabe presents gender issues simply, yet with great emotional content. The rawness of the introspection is touching. The discussion around pronouns was incredibly well done & easily followed. This is an important, heartfelt read. Highly recommend.

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JackOBotts
Pickpick

My thanks to @TieDyeDude for posting about this memoir earlier this week and to my library for carrying it and displaying it atop the YA Graphic Novel section. Kobabe‘s vulnerability in sharing eir story, eir pain, eir journey will help another (young) person/many (young) people understand that they are not alone; they deserve to live their life as who they are. #representationmatters
❤️🧡💛💚💙

TieDyeDude Glad your enjoyed it! 4mo
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TieDyeDude
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If you haven't read what has become one of the most challenged books of all time, make sure to seek it out this Pride Month. It is available on hoopla if you can't find it at your local bookstore or library. Absolutely essential reading.

JackOBotts Just saw that this is available at my local library…trying to swing by to grab it today. 📚 4mo
TieDyeDude @JackOBotts Good luck and enjoy 💪 4mo
Chelsea.Poole Thanks for the rec! 4mo
TieDyeDude @Chelsea.Poole Anytime 😁 4mo
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hissingpotatoes
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Pickpick

5/5⭐ Kobabe is so good at expressing emself and eir complex inner workings. I hope as many people experiencing similar thoughts as possible read this book to help them articulate their identities and feel seen. #bookspinbingo

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Nutmegnc
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In honor of #gaymay @xicanti this is my updated #lgbtqbookbingo @Kenyazero

xicanti Love it! 5mo
CuriousG I've ordered my copy of the special edition of this book...can't wait until I actually have it in my hands and can read it! 5mo
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HatefulGrablin
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Pickpick

This book was very eye opening about gender identity issues, which is something I don't have much experience with. I was taken aback by this panel, since it's an anxiety dream I have often too. I didn't realize it might be a common nightmare.

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DGRachel
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Pickpick

#booked2022 #acomingoutstory This was an informative, touching graphic memoir about Maia‘s discovery of em gender identity. I had not heard of Spivak pronouns prior to this. There‘s a lot here that I didn‘t know. I appreciate having this memoir for an experience very different from my own and so glad that e felt secure enough to write this. My only quibble is that the art style is not to my liking, but it‘s the story that is really important.

Bookzombie Excellent review! 5mo
Nutmegnc I have this one in my TBR!! Great thoughts! 5mo
Cinfhen Excellent review!! I‘ve heard wonderful things about this GN 5mo
Cinfhen Too bad you didn‘t enjoy the artwork. 5mo
DGRachel @Cinfhen I‘m super picky about the art style I like. This one is fine, and it suits the story, it just isn‘t one I find particularly appealing. 🤷🏻‍♀️ 5mo
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TheKidUpstairs
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I've read All Boys Aren't Blue and The Hate U Give, and they're two of my favourites of recent years. Now excuse me while I make sure the others are on my TBR!

Lindy Good idea! 6mo
Suet624 This list bothers me so much. 6mo
Bookzombie I read All Boys Aren‘t Blue last year and need to pick up their latest. Gender Queer was a recent read and it will be one I revisit. The other three are on my list too. 6mo
TrishB Read 2 and have screenshot the others. 6mo
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WellReadCatLady
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Pickpick

Absolutely no reason why this book shouldn‘t be available in a high school library.

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Chittavrtti
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Nutmegnc
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My March #bookspinbingo. I ended up reading off-list so I I just added them to the free spaces. Still not quite one bingo. 🤔 oh well. Next month, right? @TheAromaofBooks

TheAromaofBooks Still a great month!!! 6mo
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Bookzombie
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Pickpick

#reviewcatchup

Gender Queer is one of the most banned books in the US. Below is a quote from the author I found in an news article linked in comments.
“There are a lot of people who are questioning their gender, questioning their sexuality and having a real hard time finding honest accounts of somebody else on the same journey. There are people for whom this is vital and for whom this could maybe even be lifesaving.”
I absolutely agree with ⬇️

Bookzombie Kobabe. I wish everyone would read eir story and more, so that we can all understand each other and support and love one another. I will be rereading this one again, but I wanted to make sure it got to the next person who had it on hold at the library. 6mo
brittanybooks Banned?!! Can‘t wait to read it now! 6mo
See All 6 Comments
Branwen I love this graphic novel and I'm so proud that we have copies in my library! 💕📚 6mo
Bookzombie @brittanybooks It‘s really good! 6mo
Bookzombie @Branwen I feel the same! I‘m happy when I see mine has repurchased it in physical and ebook form. 6mo
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rsteve388
Pickpick

Wow what a powerful graphic novel, that I related to! It was such a beautiful story to hear about Maia Kobabe's life and eir journey towards Non Binary identity. Beautiful, magnificent delightful.

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Librariana
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Pickpick

Finished Maia Kobabe's memoir and I'm grateful for eir willingness and vulnerability in sharing so many aspects of eir life and eir gender journey. A deeply personal account with many questions and reflections on identity and sexuality.

A little late in the day with my #bookreport, but I wanted to squeeze in a bit more reading in a day filled with house chores and a fair amount of TV viewing.

@Cinfhen

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Librariana
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I'm trying to find my way back to reading. To being excited about and completely absorbed by a book, but so much continues to happen in the world and it seems to be all consuming... emotionally draining. I'm trying to still be a part of the world, but it hurts. I'm trying to find comfort and solace in books... maybe even a little distraction from the atrocities and the doom scrolling while still being aware. I'm trying to find a balance.

Kenyazero I‘m glad you‘re looking for balance right now. That‘s important to work toward and I hope you settle into feeling a little more balance soon ❤️ 7mo
Hooked_on_books Balance is so important. It‘s easy to get mired in the awful things in the world. But there have always been awful things. And there have also always been wonderful things. Sometimes turning away from the awful things you have no control over and focusing on the wonderful things for a while instead can be really healthy. I hope you find your way, Ana. 7mo
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Sarahreadstoomuch
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Pickpick

Curious about all the book challenges, I thought I‘d check this book out myself. I could guess at the reason for the challenge, which is ridiculous. What I found was an emotional, raw, and brutally honest memoir by the author telling eir path to understanding queerness, the pronouns and identity that fit best (e/em/eir) and also being asexual. This could really be a comfort and help young people who are questioning or need to feel seen.

Sarahreadstoomuch It makes me sad that this book has a 50% approval rating on here, yet absolutely no thumbs down reviews. 7mo
CarolynM I've often wondered about how books get their overall % rating in their profile because it's often not consistent with my impression from the reviews. I guess there are people who just give books one of the 3 ratings without posting reviews ☹ 7mo
Sarahreadstoomuch @CarolynM it‘s up to 60% now with no new reviews! 7mo
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mgschu
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Pickpick

Just like the author, I identify as genderqueer & yet, there‘s very little in this book I directly related to (except a love of 1D & fanfic!)— and that‘s exactly why I adored it. The range of queer & trans experience is so rad. It wasn‘t my experience but it was a gorgeous one. All of us have carried weight. Of confusion & play & euphoria & pain. The way that manifests looks vastly different for all of us, but we still understand one another

GondorGirl I agree completely! This was such a great representation of one person's queerness and I really respect the author's openess in sharing their experience. 8mo
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IndoorDame
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Megabooks Nice choice! 8mo
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IndoorDame
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IndoorDame
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Pickpick

I loved this memoir! It really spoke to me. It has one more #LMPBC reader left in Group P, so I won‘t say too much about it. But I‘m really glad we read this one! #LGBTQBookBingo #GenderQueerMainCharacter #Nonfiction2022 #ImARuleBreaker #PopSugar2022 #ReflectedImageOnCover @Kenyazero @suvata @WanderingBookaneer @bibliobard @phantomx @Riveted_Reader_Melissa

Kenyazero One of my favorites ♥️ e just released a hardcover version recently. 8mo
Nutmegnc Just got it!!! 7mo
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IndoorDame
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My January #LMPBC package arrived today as predicted! (Or possibly January and February for Group A as there are 2 MG books). Definitely excited to start on this lot! Thank you for the awesome tote bag @phantomx !

Branwen Beetle and the Hollowbones is soooooooo good! Very cute and colorful! ❤ 8mo
JenniferEgnor All the book bans only make me want to read Gender Queer even more😍 8mo
phantomx @IndoorDame I'm glad they arrived to you on time! I'm not sure if the tote bag is from Jeimy or Ryan 8mo
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IndoorDame @phantomx is it something I should pass along? 8mo
phantomx @IndoorDame I believe you can keep it 8mo
IndoorDame @phantomx okay thanks😊 8mo
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Meghan1
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Pickpick

What a beautiful memoir about growing up non-binary. I really hope e comes out to the students e teaches comic writing to next time.

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LiteraryinLawrence
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Pickpick

Finally borrowed this graphic novel after having it on my radar for quite some time. Maia does a wonderful job of sharing eir lived experience of what gender and sexuality mean to em, and how that has become clearer over time. I found it really impactful to read Maia‘s story, and there is no doubt e is a talented artist as well.

Smrloomis Keep meaning to read this one. I keep seeing parents trying to remove it from school libraries in the US (which totally makes me want to read it more!). 9mo
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KathyWheeler
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Pickpick

Last night I finished up Ida B. the Queen (for #SheSaid) and Word Watching. I also read Gender Queer and Fortunately, the Milk. I liked Gender Queer and learned a lot from it but ended up really concerned about Kobabe over the gynecologist visits. The art is lovely. Fortunately, the Milk was delightful, while Word Watching was interesting but not my favorite word book. Ida B. the Queen was informative but not well organized.

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Cortg
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Pickpick

Fantastic graphic novel memoir about gender identity. I learned some new to me things and feel it‘s an important read to understand differences and to understand our LGBTQIA+ community of friends.

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Graciouswarriorprincess
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Book 71/150.

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Kenyazero
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Thanks for the tag, @Ast_Arslan Hmm, this is a tough one... It was a close call between 3 excellent titles, but I finally picked Gender Queer because it's such a well done graphic memoir (e has such good bookshelf drawings too! 😍). #ComicComfort
@crimson613 @ShyBookOwl @LokiDokey @maich @emtobiasz @Tracyantoon @Bookzombie @LibrarianRyan @kwmg40 I KNOW I'm missing some lovely littens, so please share if not tagged too!

mavey Thanks so much for sharing!💕 2y
Kenyazero @Mavey Thank you for starting this! I look forward to seeing what people say! 2y
mavey @Kenyazero Yes!😃Me too! 2y
maich Thanks for sharing❤ 2y
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TiminCalifornia
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Pickpick

Great book club recommendation - memoir in comic form. Accessible telling of the experience of growing up with an internal gender identity that is neither male nor female as those identities are traditionally perceived.

Many of the author‘s experiences were akin to my trans experience in the ‘90s though not exactly the same. I learned a lot reading this. #maiakobabe #genderqueer #asexual #doublespin

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TiminCalifornia
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Starting this tonight. Should be quite a departure from Walter Benjamin.

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WanderingBookaneer
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Fantastic graphic memoir published by Simon & Shuster. #SupportSS

WanderingBookaneer @ChasingOm : I loved it too! 2y
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alisonrose
Pickpick

Brave & beautiful book! I think graphic memoir was the perfect way to depict Maia‘s gender & sexuality journey & bring it to visual life. I‘m cis but a lot here was familiar regarding my path thru various sexuality IDs to finally knowing myself as gay & ace. I hope this book helps ppl to discover their truths, & others to understand them better. Some triggering images, wish there‘d been content notes, use caution if needed. 4/5 ⭐️ #NewYearWhoDis

Emilymdxn I‘m so glad you liked it! And apologies for not providing more detailed content notes, I read it a while ago and couldn‘t remember exactly what would need warnings for 2y
alisonrose @Emilymdxn Oh, no no, no worries at all! Probably for most people it would be totally fine. It was the images of menstrual blood and Maia being sick in the bathroom that were a bit jarring for me. But I know for most readers those wouldn‘t be issues. 2y
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alisonrose

As I pondered a pronoun change, I began to think of gender less as a scale&more as a landscape. Some ppl are born in the mountains, while others are born by the sea. Some ppl are happy to live in the place they were born, while others must make a journey to reach the climate in which they can flourish&grow. B/t the ocean&the mountains is a wild forest. That is where I want to make my home

[I‘m cis but this struck me as a beautiful way to put it!]

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alisonrose
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My personal fave from my local Pride parade in 2018: Asexuals: We just don‘t give a fuck! 🤣🖤🤍💜 I immediately found a shirt online with IDGAF with the Ace Pride colors.

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alisonrose
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I too remember experiencing such queer joy about the gay penguins 🐧💜🐧