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Riveted_Reader_Melissa

Riveted_Reader_Melissa

Joined April 2016

A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies… The man who never reads lives only one. ~George R.R. Martin.
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Unseen Academicals by Terry Pratchett
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Music Is History by Questlove
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The 1619 Project: A New Origin Story by Nikole Hannah-Jones, The New York Times Company
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
Secret Lives of Color | Kassia St Clair
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I saw some of you posting for this color challenge, so I thought I‘d see where my books fit so far in this #Pantone2022 challenge. Hopefully I‘m doing it right 😉. Thanks for another fun challenge @Clwojick and Litsy

Clwojick Youre doing great! You have some spot on matches! 💜💖🧡 2d
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid. Lots of good detail about the hard work of organizing underneath the “easy” by pure luck myths. I particularly liked the way she explained intersectionality as breaking down the us vs them mentality that has been used to subjugate many groups for so long with the old divide & conquer. How are you doing on this weeks sections?

Suet624 Shoot! I‘m so late! I need to find the book! 3d
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AllDebooks I think the intersectionality part is the best bit of the book in an outstanding book. I will reread this many times as I think there is so much information to take in. Great pick. Thanks for organising x @Riveted_Reader_Melissa 3d
MallenNC I thought chapter 9‘s focus on the challenges of trying to build solidarity without losing focus on the unique issues that face Black Americans was very strong. No easy solutions offered, but by drawing attention to it, that chapter made me think. (edited) 3d
ravenlee I was very taken with the difficulty of finding balance within a movement or organization. The importance of having BOTH interracial needs and needs of individual communities met, and how challenging that can be. And the explanation of intersectionality (which has been mentioned in several books we‘ve/I‘ve been reading) was so clear and compelling. None of our issues exist in a vacuum. 3d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Suet624 When you find it, join in whenever you can. These discussions will be here to join whenever you are ready. 😉 3d
Bookwormjillk This was a great section. It feels like a master class in organizing. Great book. 3d
staci.reads I liked her comments about "shifting people from spectators to strategists" There are so many keyboard warriors who want to show solidarity on social media, but when action is required, they don't actually want to have skin in the game. Like she says, "What people are willing to do on social media doesn't always transfer into what they're willing to do in their everyday lives." 1d
staci.reads @AllDebooks @ravenlee I also liked the way she explained intersectionality as "a framework by which we examine how groups that experience double or triple discrimination get their needs met at the same time, not in spite of, groups in the same situation." It's not about ranking discrimination, it's about making sure no one gets left behind. 1d
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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A special that I think might interest #SheSaid, I‘m going to try to track it down myself to watch. It also looked like a great continuation of relearning some of our history that I read in books like The Color of Law; showing how much systematic inequality has been pre-built into our country, not accidentally, but often with very malicious intent, & how much we‘re still dealing with that legacy today from everything from healthcare access ⤵️

Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ during a pandemic, to clean water in Flint, MI, to food deserts, and to our latest read on organizing that highlighted a “community beautification” project being used to force residents out of their homes. 6d
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GingerAntics I‘ve seen commercials for this. It links heartbreakingly intriguing. I don‘t understand how anyone can say racism isn‘t systemic or doesn‘t exist anymore with the facts in front of them, but then those folks aren‘t great with truth and facts. I swear, people choose not to know. It‘s basically a choice at this point. 6d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @GingerAntics I was just discussing this somewhere else. I think it‘s that we all learn this white-washed version of history and many never learn any different, and then when confronted with another version…it basically throws everything they knew, thought they knew, thought this country stood for on its head so they reject all of that as “crazy”. But in school you are taught these fights happened, in the past, were won, and we are great now.⤵️ 6d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ whether it was Washington‘s wooden teeth (really slave teeth) or the interstate highway system that united the country and gave people jobs after the Great Depression (but was used to basically imminent domain many minority communities into nonexistent), to the Tulsa massacre that we just weren‘t taught at all. Or civil rights, voting rights, affirmative action which we were taught were fought for & won & done… but now are overturned and gone. 6d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ people were taught these things were decided so they didn‘t need to fight for them anymore, or be vigilant about protecting them… problem is, the other side was vigilant about getting rid of them, and had very long term plans to do so. ↪️ (edited) 6d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ they created a whole constitutional doctrine to look at these issues, and find the decision flaws, taught a school of thought to judges, went for decades stymieing regular judicial nominations when judges outside that school of thought were nominated (we just won‘t hold nominations), and then pushing through judges that were on board with that school of thought. And sadly, their long-term plan…worked. 🫤😬 6d
GingerAntics @Riveted_Reader_Melissa oh yeah. It‘s certainly working on roe v wade. Sadly, I fear it‘s all down hill from here. I am contiguously reminded these days of how lucky I was to go to a school that taught REAL indigenous history. It wasn‘t perfect, but at least they tried. I really hope that school is still doing it and has hopefully added more diversity to their curriculum as well. 6d
ncsufoxes I was at a webinar a few months ago about health policy or something (I don‘t remember it was from one of the larger hospitals near me). Anyhow they were talking about how zip codes are used to study trends in public health. All that data is used to monitor disparities (now hospitals, hopefully, are trying to use it for better purposes). They are able to track what diseases are hitting what areas & where they need to focus interventions or more 6d
ncsufoxes info being disseminated to those areas. I thought that it was fascinating & never realized that was how they track public health trends. Although there are so many issues with the fact that many hospitals/gov‘t officials & such have had this data for years & didn‘t utilize it to help people but to hinder people further. 6d
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid I hope you are having a great day despite many more reasons to get organizing lately! Right now I‘m really appreciating this unvarnished look at the real work it takes to organize people to accomplish any goal, even “just” protesting. I have a feeling we will all be protesting more in the current environment we live in.

Riveted_Reader_Melissa Anybody else watching the news lately and feeling like we picked the right book at the right time again! 🙄 Sadly because our world remains crazy. 1w
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Readergrrl I‘m not familiar with this read along, but I‘d love to join…especially in these times! 1w
ravenlee I found the bit about leaders having to balance between addressing the needs of the community in question and keeping the peace with the powers that be - and there‘s no way to strike that balance successfully. Nobody with a prominent position can afford to risk it, and is therefore inherently unable to do what actually needs to be done. 1w
ravenlee And yes, absolutely, this is a well-timed read. As so frequently seems to happen! 1w
Bookwormjillk @Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ravenlee yes, right book at the right time. I too am appreciating a look at the ins and outs of organizing. 1w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Readergrrl We‘d love to have you join us, feel free to grab this one and catch-up/join in whenever you are ready. And put the next one on hold if that sounds interesting to you too. (edited) 1w
43 likes8 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid I hope you are all having a good week & maybe getting some warmth from the change of seasons no matter which hemisphere you are in 😉.

I‘m learning a lot about the complexities of community organizing in this section, I knew the idea before, but this really explains some of the divergent groups that need to find common ground, and how things sold as “common good” might not be really. Devil‘s in the details (and fine print)!

MallenNC I really enjoyed the parts about her work with POWER and how they dealt with the city‘s plan to put in underground power lines. It was very clearly meant to force residents to move out so more “desirable” (richer) people could move in. 2w
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ravenlee I agree, the inside look into community organizing was eye-opening. And I liked the reminder that we can‘t make blanket statements about what Black communities (or really any communities) want, because the individuals all have such different perspectives. I also really liked her way of turning biased statements into questions to make people think about their prejudices. 2w
staci.reads @ravenlee I appreciated that too. The story of her froup from POWER visiting the African American history museum together and what a powerful experience that was for them 2w
staci.reads I really liked the way she defined empowerment vs. power and clarified the difference and the necessity of gaining power when you are organizing. "Unless empowerment is transformed into power, not much will change about our environments."
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staci.reads I loved too the advice her coworkergave her when starting out..."Starting a campaign is like starting a fist fight. Sometimes you Just need to punch someone in the face, step back, and see what happens." ? 2w
staci.reads I also made connections to the recent essay in The 1619 Project "Traffic" when she talked about how the San Francisco subway system doesn't serve Bayview Hunter's Point and so essentially cuts them off from access to better resources and many job opportunities. That's the kind of urban planning that creates and reinforces segregation which the essay was pointing out, but using Atlanta as the example. 2w
Bookwormjillk I thought the inside look at organizing was very illuminating as well. I wasn‘t expecting management lessons when I started this book but that‘s (part of) what I‘m getting. 2w
AllDebooks This is just incredible, Alicia gives us a very honest account of growing up in America. For me, the personal side of her story and how she came to be involved in activism is fascinating, alongside the social issues, politics, poverty, inequality and segregation. I'm getting so much from this book. 2w
AllDebooks @staci.reads me too, actually lol as it's such a truthful comment 2w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @AllDebooks I‘m so glad you are enjoying it! 1w
ncsufoxes I loved learning about how she got into community activism but also realizing how exhausting it must be since there are so many areas to have to fight against. Her work in the Bay View area opened my eyes to many things I did not think about & how they all intersect. Like not realizing where you live & the types of grocery stores that are available to your community. When your only options are fast food or pre-packaged food they are not optimal 1w
ncsufoxes To your health. Then lack of adequate medical care. When you aren‘t eating healthy foods it not only affects your health but your ability to learn. Dr Nadine Burke-Harris discusses her work as a pediatrician in this area of CA in The Deepest Well. Plus you add on the housing issues which the government has been messing with for years (The Color of Law). When you have all of these forces working against people it makes it so hard to break free from 1w
ncsufoxes When all that the system has done is to work to keep you down. I‘ve probably gone off on a tangent because I‘ve seen this all before from my work in doing home visits in lots of Section 8 neighborhoods. It just infuriates me to now learn & realize that the system was designed like this for a reason. This book has helped me to connect the dots of what I was seeing & why it is the way it is. I really admire Garza & find her inspirational 1w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ncsufoxes The Color of Law is a fantastic book, I‘ll definitely look for The Deepest Well now too. It‘s amazing once you get into it how much everything is connected, this section showed how “beautification” projects to benefit a community could basically be weaponized against them, and yes, there are a million tiny battles like that to be had everywhere everyday it seems. A never-ending fight. And then I look at the other side…and how they⤵️ (edited) 6d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ systematically and long-termed their fights against everything from voting rights, to affirmative action, to now abortion rights…which they lost and instead of accepting the will of the majority to go forward, created a school of thought about the constitution, raised and promoted judges based in that, and then took advantage of every nominating process to deny and stymie other judges and push through theirs until they had enough votes ⤵️ 6d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ that they were sure they could count on, to overturn those long fought for gains…so they have to be fought for again. And some of that literally has come down to just deciding not to hold hearings on judge nominations until your person/group is in power to nominate your preferred choices. Scary the long-term work the other-side has done when you really think about it. Not to mention things you thought that were good, from the beautification 6d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ project in this book to big national projects like the interstate highway system that employed during the Great Depression and united the country and then learn it was also used to basically imminent domain many minority communities out of existence. You grow up in school basically learning these fights are done, won, and settled… we need people to relearn that they are never-ending and ongoing, and need boots on the ground everyday to keep.⤵️ 6d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ and sadly that is where we lose a lot of good people, they never learn the more after those pat school white-washed lessons. 6d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ncsufoxes Oprah has a special coming out (or recently came out) that I need to track down and watch. “The Color of Care”…. The tagline was “what if I told you the biggest indicator of how long you are going to live….was your zip code” (edited) 6d
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
Time Flies: A Novel | Claire Cook
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Wow! 6 years! That flew by! Here‘s to the next 6!

ravenlee Happy Litsyversary! 3w
Ruthiella Happy Litsyversary! 🥳🥳🥳 3w
Kdgordon88 Happy Litsyversary 🎉 3w
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BookwormAHN Happy Litsyversary 🎉 3w
vlwelser 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🤗😘 3w
CaitZ Happy Litsyversary 🎉🎉 3w
vivastory Happy Litsyversary 👏🎉📚 3w
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sprainedbrain Happy Litsyversary 🎉🎉🎉 3w
JessClark78 Happy Litsyversary! 🎊📚🎉 3w
marie3blue Hard to believe it has been that long. 3w
Bookzombie Happy Litsyversary!! 3w
Chrissyreadit Happy Litsyversary 🌈🎉🥳 3w
kspenmoll Happy Litsyversary!!!🎉🎉🎊🎊 4d
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
Making Money | Terry Pratchett
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Pickpick

It took me awhile to get to this one #OokBOokClub #PratchettPosse, but I‘m certainly glad I finally did. I love Moist, Dearheart, the Golems, and naughty naughty Chairman Fusspot. The Discworld books truly get better and better the more he wrote…. I‘m sad to know that I‘m quickly reaching the end of editions that will be first time reads for me.

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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid. Lots of info in this chapter, but a great background on US politics, how & why we got here and how much of this is very relevant to the world we find ourselves dealing with now.

How are you doing with this weeks chapters?

Great quote for me:

“I began to understand that difference was a source of strength and power, that being on the outside provided a different vantage point—one with potentially more range and insight.”

staci.reads So much to digest in Chapter 2! She does a fantastic job of summarizing and highlighting a lot of complicated history here. 3w
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staci.reads I enjoyed how she traced the rise of today's conservative power block. She identifies how they mobilized and came together despite the social conservatives, neoconservatives, corporate Republicans, amd religious right all having vastly different agendas and beliefs. 3w
staci.reads "What's important to understand about the right as it evolved in this period is that it's a coalition of factions with distinct concerns, viewpoints, long term and short term visions, and ideologies. They come together on things they can agree on in the interest of building and maintaining power." (14) She then identifies race as one of those issues they could agree on. "The Secret engine of their movement has always been race." (17) 3w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @staci.reads Yes! She did a great job, fairly succinctly summarizing a huge political movement, why it rose as a movement and what it did with its power, so much info, that could have been books upon books itself, summarized quickly so it didn‘t take over her whole book, but also gave you the background you needed if you weren‘t knowledgeable about a lot of it. 3w
staci.reads She also does a fantastic job showing how Reagan-era politics and policies demonized Black people and the welfare system. I was a yochild during those years but old enough to remember the rhetoric she is referencing. I remember my parents complaining about Reagan and the effect his policies were having on working class people. I'm wondering in our middle class, majority white community, were they even aware of the effects on Black communities?
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa I‘m just a bit older than her, so tween when MTV came out….and I could finally see it (country girl/no cable for the longest time). And when we moved again, I found myself insisting it be a channel we got. Lots of actual music then, much with social commentary, and MTV news was news (no wonder I loved John Stewart later). Definitely a lot that I could relate too, and I love that she related that social and political synergy as part of her story. (edited) 3w
staci.reads I also found her discussion of gangsta rap especially interesting having just read the essay "Music" in The 1619 Project. "There were congressional hearings about gangsta rap but no hearings on poverty in black communities, no hearings to determine why the most salient avenue for economic progress was dealing drugs, no hearings to define the role that street organizations played in urban communities... "⬇️
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa @staci.reads I‘m thinking probably not… it just wasn‘t as known then, even after the Rodney King video and the millions of cell phone videos since, so much is still colored by Reagan‘s talking points. Trickledown economics (Voodoo Economics) never worked for anyone but the rich, and we are still giving tax breaks to the wealthiest, but don‘t have the money to pass soft infrastructure like childcare/elder care. And I think many in that ⤵️ 3w
staci.reads ...or how they provided family for kids in areas where families had been decimated by drug addiction, poverty, incarceration, or violence." As usual, society is outraged by the response to injustice, but not the injustice itself. 3w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️in that environment absorbed those messages of…it‘s really bad for us working class people, because of those minorities abusing the system…the old welfare queen shtick. Always easier to blame the “other” poorer people, when if we don‘t both sides might get together & blame the wealthy. Same in the plantation era as the Trumpian one sadly. 3w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @staci.reads Yes. There is always someone or something to blame but the guys (mostly guys) making the policies. 3w
staci.reads @Riveted_Reader_Melissa I appreciated that too, her ability to move between the political/policy and social/pop culture worlds and show the connections. I especially love reading anything about Madonna 😁 3w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @staci.reads but I also remember the same type hearings a few years later when the “white” bands got too vocal and they wanted to censor them in the Clinton years. Only to find once again that the bands they thought they could hold up as scapegoats actually sat down to testify and were smart, educated, and well-spoken. 3w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @staci.reads She was such an icon of our youth. The famous romp in the white bridal lingerie at the MTV music awards that caused shock & panic, I laugh about it now, because she was completely covered, more than any girl on any beach in the western world…. But boy did people have a fit. Probably some of my earliest feminist thoughts as a youth…why the fuss? Why the censure? Like a Virgin, Papa Don‘t Preach, Like a Prayer…great stuff. 3w
staci.reads @Riveted_Reader_Melissa My folks thought he was a clown. His shtick and the term "Trickle-down economics" always resulted in eye rolls and/or choice words. I agree though that the 'divide and conquer' tactic used against the middle and lower classes to keep them from uniting is as old as time. Fear tactics are always at the center of that strategy, and unfortunately, fear of 'others' is the common trope. 3w
ravenlee I found this summary of the rise of the right so helpful and concise. We got some of this from Hood Feminism, but this seemed clearer to me. It‘s interesting to read this as I also follow Heather Cox Richardson‘s daily news updates, and seeing so much of this continuing to be problematic. Nothing changes if nothing changes, right? 3w
ravenlee I‘m a few months younger than Garza, so I can relate to a lot of her experiences (though I didn‘t live in the States and have access to cable television until the early 90s). I remember Reagan being this friendly, kindly, grandfatherly figure in the news, without knowing anything about him or his politica, and the more I learn the more sickened I feel. I had a conversation with my mom about him not long ago and she said she never trusted him. 3w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ravenlee I‘m really amazed at how much she managed to summarize in 1 chapter, and have make sense without being overly long. That‘s really hard to do with years of politics. 3w
ravenlee But I never knew any of it. As a military brat I had a slight awareness of the policies that affected my family (I recall Dukakis wanted to cut funding for the military, to the tune that we would have had to pay all of our own moving expenses to return to the States - our mock election in my elementary school that year had an unsurprising something like 92% vote for Bush). I feel like my childhood was a lie in many ways. 3w
MallenNC Sorry I‘m late to commenting! Her summary of recent history of politics and it‘s effects on Black Americans was very well done and I think will set a good foundation for the story of her work. I also liked how she described getting involved in organizing, working with others toward a common goal. 3w
ncsufoxes I love how she provides a good overview of the era. I‘m a few years older than Garza & I remember a lot of what she discusses but she brought up so much that I did not know. I remember the whole war on drugs (& doing D.A.R.E.). I remember the whole ban on music (which my parents let us listen to whatever we wanted & bought us stuff that had warnings on it). But now learning how horrible all of these policies were & continue to reverberate 3w
ncsufoxes Throughout so many communities today. It just all makes me so sad & frustrated. As I child I didn‘t understand any of what was happening but now I have such a perspective. I remember most of these events but I grew up in a tiny town in NJ so I grew up fairly isolated from the world. I just think about all the long lasting effects that all of these bad policies still have a reach into today. 3w
Bookwormjillk There‘s some good stuff in these chapters. I love how she includes the history as well as the nuts and bolts of organizing. For anyone interested in Reagan‘s welfare policies I recommend 3w
Singout Like others here, I‘m a few years older and Canadian, so my memories of the Reagan era are more the foreign policy than internal changes. Her explanation of the move toward the right, with clear definitions of economic terms is really helpful. The same kinds of cutbacks and economic changes happened in my part of Canada 27 years ago, and racialized communities continue to bear the brunt of it. 3w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ncsufoxes very similar background here, small town in PA. I think the first time as a growing being I realized something was really wrong wrong with Reagan….besides just bad things happen sometimes, totally unintended… was when Iran/Contra broke and I realized the people who had been giving me the wholesome “the is your brain, this is your brain on drugs” smashed egg thing and seemed like good advice, were also helping to essentially ship ⤵️ 3w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ in those drugs and look the other way. It amazes me today that Oliver North has re-emerged as a political figure of note these days. But I guess I shouldn‘t be surprised since Politics are cycling around again. 3w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Singout So much of the policies of NeoConservatism infected the world, Reagan was a good spokesman, and Leader of the Free World, and so much of those policy ideas found receptive ears elsewhere. Thatcherism in the UK definitely had strong symbiosis there, I was just talking to someone else on Litsy who was reading about her look lasting shadow and it‘s effects. Very similar….so I‘m not surprised other countries had similar movements. 3w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Singout and you can see it today, with Trump sadly. Have you been watching the French election stuff. The opponent there was a candidate with very Trumpian sounding views, luckily she lost. But in Brazil the candidate that was more Trumpian won. I guess it means those views (especially the one‘s rooted in blaming the other) can find fertile ground anywhere. (edited) 3w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @MallenNC You are never late, hop on whenever you finish & have time, even if it‘s a week (or weeks) later. 😉. And yes, her history of organizing worked so well with that background laid out. I remember when Obama ran and they kind of poked fun at his “organizing” background. But it‘s hard work, and makes very logical sense to me that a public leader would have started in that area. If you can‘t organize people on the local level, why ⤵️ 3w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa Would you be good at it on the State or National level. Unless of course you have no interest in organizing people 🤷‍♀️ 3w
MallenNC @Riveted_Reader_Melissa I thought about the way Obama‘s work as an organizer was portrayed — it was made to sound like he didn‘t have a real job, when it was actually hard, important work. 3w
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Happy holidays for those that celebrate with family this weekend #SheSaid

Just a short intro and beginning chapter to get us into the new read this weekend. What did you think so far? Any expectations going into it?

MallenNC I liked what she had to say about her mother and that each generation answers to challenges in its own way. (BTWI am looking forward to getting more of her story. I never really like reading introductions; I just want to get to it!) 1mo
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tenar Seconding what you shared @MallenNC it had me thinking a lot about how different people with different backgrounds might approach the challenges we‘re facing today, and how even success might look different to different people, but I really wanted to keep reading and hear more! 1mo
MallenNC @tenar Thats something I remember from Hood Feminism — Mikki Kendall made the point that successfully managing an issue might look different in different communities, and what feminism is can be expressed differently. 1mo
Singout I really like what she says about movements bubbling up rather than being started by really specific people, and her story of being taught how to be assertive and independent by her mother as a child. 1mo
staci.reads It spoke to me when she says "We inherit movements. We recommit to them over and over again even when they break our hearts, because they are essential to our survival." I think about the sign I've seen women holding at rallies saying "I can't believe we still have to protest this shit" or something to that effect. We inherit movements because change is slow and incremental. Sometimes that is heartbreaking, but we keep going because we have to. 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @staci.reads Yes…. And sometimes the things we think we fought & won, the other side works at overturning for years and then does it… so we have to fight all over. 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Singout Yes, I really loved that water metaphor too, including this “Movements are much more like waves than they are like light switches. Waves ebb and flow, but they are perpetual, their starting point unknown, their ending point undetermined, their ⤵️ 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ direction dependent upon the conditions that surround them and the barriers that obstruct them. We inherit movements. We recommit to them over and over again even when they break our hearts, because they are essential to our survival.” 1mo
ravenlee I can only agree with all that‘s been said already, and say that I‘m interested to see where we go from here. I‘m not really sure what to expect, so I‘ve got an open mind. 1mo
Bookwormjillk I‘m catching up post vacation. This was a really promising start. I loved when she said if you think a movement stared without organization you probably weren‘t that close to the movement. I see these types of assumptions all the time from people who have never taken the time to do the work. 1mo
ncsufoxes I read this book last year, so I‘m excited to hear others thoughts. I loved this book & her journey as a community activist. I love when she says, “My time, place, & conditions powerfully shaped how I see the world & how I‘ve come to think about change.” To me that‘s such a powerful statement. I think the more I have seen & understanding more about the inequities of the system(s), the more I change. 3w
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
Audiobooks on the Go | Audiofile, Robin Whitten
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I love this program, and although not a teen anymore, I usually get a few great listens too! And for free! What‘s not to love.

Check it out if you haven‘t already or pass the info onto a teen you know. 😉

https://www.audiofilemagazine.com/sync-season/?utm_source=sync&utm_medium=email&...

DrexEdit They have some great classic titles on the list this year that would appeal to any age. I still listen to the YA reads too though. 🙂 I look forward to this program every year! 1mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
Untitled | Unknown Author
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That would work 😂

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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Updating my card #Nonfiction2022 with the most recently read.

And I‘m apparently feeling a bit rebellious, because although Dolly Parton turned down the Rock N‘ Roll Hall of Fame induction nomination, because she isn‘t Rock & Roll…that‘s where I‘m counting her. Sorry lady, you might not be able to see it yourself, but you are Rock & Roll 😉

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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Pickpick

This was a reread for me with #SheSaid and I got even more from it the second time around. Thank you so much for giving me a great group to discuss these subjects with!

My original review still holds true!

Original Review: Maybe you read The Beauty Myth or Down Girl and thought I need more, or What Happened or Catch and Kill or She Said and were furious, but didn‘t know what to do with that. Read this book, it‘s got facts and studies, ⤵️

Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ but more importantly a deep discussion about why women are so uncomfortable with our angry and so socialized to suppress it, it will help you understand why you are SO frustrated with the state of things and help you move forward!

Don‘t be afraid to be mad, use it, let it fuel you.
1mo
51 likes1 stack add1 comment
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
The Burnout Generation | Anne Helen Petersen
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Pickpick

These interviews were very telling, and although I wished I had read her full book first, I could relate to most of these stories of Gen X, stuck in a sandwich generation, with lower incomes, job security, and future outlooks than their parents before, but who are also trying to care for both parents and children with less economic and healthcare stability than ever before as more professions move to contract work and school loan debt skyrockets.

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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Pickpick

I have to give them credit, they did a great job making some very cringeworthy real life stories funny. I did laugh, sometimes in humor about how crazy people still are, but more often in disbelief that this is still so bad and so often….but that‘s why this book is still so important, because things you want to think could only happen in the distant past or in a badly scripted movie STILL happen every single day to people of color.

KathyWheeler I keep going back and forth on whether I want to read this. It‘ll probably make me sad. 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @KathyWheeler Maybe try the audiobook, it‘s read by the authors….and Amber can seriously make the worse stories sound more funny than sad. I will say they tried to keep it to more of the funny/OMG stories and less the really bad stories. 1mo
KathyWheeler @Riveted_Reader_Melissa That‘s what I thought I might do. 1mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
The Mercies | Kiran Millwood Hargrave
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Pickpick

A historical fiction about a small community devastated by a natural disaster that killed most of the men in the village. As the women come together to deal with their collective grief and find ways to survive their harsh environment the outside world begins to take notice…and everything “unnatural” for women to do is suddenly a sign of witchcraft. Beautifully written and I couldn‘t help but relate to a time when rumors & hearsay can carry much⤵️

Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ much more weight than truth & facts and that the results can mean life or death….and how impossible it can be to disprove a falsehood to a true believer. (edited) 1mo
Itchyfeetreader Wonderful review - really makes me@want to read 1mo
TheBookHippie I read this with FOODANDLIT NORWAY last year. I really enjoyed it. 1mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Itchyfeetreader If you like audiobooks, the narrator did a really good job with it too. 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @TheBookHippie I‘m late as usual 😂… but I get there eventually. 😉 1mo
TheBookHippie @Riveted_Reader_Melissa 😅 That is usually me… 1mo
Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks On my nightstand! 1mo
59 likes2 stack adds7 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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The next book schedule is ready #SheSaid!

So put in your library requests, holds, & interlibrary loans! 😉

vlwelser 😘 1mo
See All 13 Comments
ImperfectCJ @Riveted_Reader_Melissa Hi, Melissa! Please remove me from the tag list for now. I'm not able to keep up with the group read at the moment. 1mo
Bookwormjillk I would love to be added thanks! 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ImperfectCJ Will Do, just let me know when and if you want added back in the future.😉 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Bookwormjillk Welcome! Great to have you join us! 1mo
MallenNC My book should come in at the library soon. It‘s “in transit”. 1mo
Singout I really like what she says about movements bubbling up rather than being started by really specific people, and her story of being taught how to be assertive and independent by her mother as a child. (edited) 1mo
AllDebooks This looks interesting, I'd love to join in please @Riveted_Reader_Melissa 3w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @AllDebooks I‘ll add you to the tag list. Happy to have you join us. 3w
AllDebooks @Riveted_Reader_Melissa yay, thank you. I'll play catch-up this week. Is this the tag? #shesaid 3w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @AllDebooks Yes it is, and the chapters aren‘t too long, so it shouldn‘t be too hard to catch up. 3w
39 likes13 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
Weekly Forecast | Thomas Gibson Inc
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#WeeklyForecast along with a #BookReport

I caught up on a bunch of books this week, but fell way behind on reviews.

So #Goals for this week, is catch up on reviews!!!

Deifio Project Hail Mary is so good! If you can try out the audio for this, it's more fun I think 1mo
53 likes1 comment
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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I‘ll try to get the schedule up later today.

But if you want to join and haven‘t picked up the book or put in your library hold, now is the time. 😉

#SheSaid

TheBookHippie Oh this is good! Enjoy. 1mo
vlwelser This is a good one. But I'm going to skip this round. Leave me in the distro list though. 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @vlwelser Ok, I‘ll keep you in the list! 😉 1mo
45 likes1 stack add3 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid!

There was a lot in this book, but I have to say the conclusion felt like a nice wrap-up for me. Just be more aware of why you might be anger or self-silencing and think about why that is much much more

How did you all feel about the book overall? The last chapter? The conclusion?

Riveted_Reader_Melissa One of the quotes that particularly stuck out to me: “An adult relationship that can‘t withstand your saying you feel angry is probably not a healthy one and, if that pattern is sustained, probably not worth continuing.” Truth there 1mo
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KathyWheeler @Riveted_Reader_Melissa there‘s a lot of truth to that. I know that sometimes I make my husband uncomfortable when I talk about these things, but he listens and doesn‘t try to tell me I shouldn‘t be angry. Overall, I liked this book. 1mo
KathyWheeler A quote that stood out to me is this section was this: “If there‘s a word that should be retired from use in the service of women‘s expression, it is ‘appropriate‘ — .” Agreed. 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @KathyWheeler Yes, that is a great one too! 1mo
Singout @KathyWheeler OMG “Appropriate” is *so* my mother‘s word. I hate it. I love the description of a grandmother who cultivated mischief and whose “vanity” was actually dignity. 1mo
MallenNC I thought this was a good wrap up to the book. I always appreciate action items or suggestions for change after reading something like this. 1mo
MallenNC I liked that she called anger a “clarifying emotion”. Sometimes when I have a challenge I‘m not sure what to do, but once I am “mad enough” I seem to know what to do and I have less fear about speaking up. 1mo
vlwelser This book was great and I loved going through it at this pace. The conclusion with the stories about her grandmother were especially awesome. 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Singout and @vlwelser Yes, the grandmother‘s story at the end for me was so …I hate to say it, but “appropriate” 😂…. But it just shows how much perception matters, and point of view when looking at someone‘s story and experiences. What was “difficult” to the families POV was suddenly taking care of herself in retrospect. 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @MallenNC Yes… I‘ve found that too. I‘m good, get along, patient…. Until suddenly I‘m just done. I myself don‘t even know where the invisible line is usually, but I know it when it‘s been crossed. Like there is so much building up that I am internally silencing & explaining away & ignoring, until the proverbial “straw that just breaks the camels back” and then I can suddenly see it all so clearly and know that situation needs to be over. ⤵️ 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ so for me, I need to be much better at listening to all those little “frustrations” and letting myself be angry about them and confronting them…long before it gets to that point. 1mo
MallenNC @Riveted_Reader_Melissa Yes, it can be that way for me too. The older I get though, the faster I get to that point! 1mo
staci.reads @KathyWheeler Absolutely!
1mo
staci.reads “Be brave enough to stop pleasing people, to be disliked, to rub people the wrong way...you might as well say exactly what's bothering you and get on with it.“ This really spoke to me. It was one of the things I had to come to terms with in my current position - there will be people who dislike me, and I have to learn to be okay with that. Usually easier said than done, but I'm trying. 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @staci.reads Yes! I highlighted that one too! 1mo
staci.reads I also connected with the Cultivate Communities and Accountability section. She says “Finding communities that validate and share your anger creates powerful opportunities for effective collective social action.“ I recently attended a conference for women in leadership and a speaker talked about how men prioritize networking and women don't. She believes women need to start making it a priority if we are to close the gaps. 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa I read two interesting side reads while we read this, that seemed relevant to me. One was The Mercies, about a small community devastated by a natural disaster that killed most of the men in the village, but then were decimated by the witch hunts that followed….because of course the natural disaster had to be someone‘s fault and every thing the women did to come together, deal with their collective grief, and to survive and feed themselves was ⤵️ 1mo
staci.reads I was also really struck by her discussion of a girl's anger toward her mother and how it is a form of sexism that this is one of the only socially acceptable forms of anger in women. She says “The first women we know are our mothers, and yet we sometimes treat them, especially when they are angry, with the least compassion. That becomes a model for how we treat other women.“ I think of all the ways that trope is perpetuated in media (cont.) (edited) 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ of corse, unnatural for women and “inappropriate”, and therefore had to be the work of communing with the devil. It was historical fiction, but as I read it I kept thinking about this book and how so much of that was socially constructed to again keep women quiet, agreeable, and in their place….for fear of being likewise accused. (edited) 1mo
staci.reads and it makes me angry. It is also making me examine the way I interact with my mom when she is angry or upset (especially with my dad). Do I get annoyed by her anger? I think sometimes I do instead of hearing it out and validating that she has a right to be mad. We need to do better. 1mo
staci.reads @Riveted_Reader_Melissa That one sounds facinating - definitely adding it to my list! 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa The other was about Burnout, a short Audible original…mostly about life & work burnout….but I couldn‘t help thinking how much of the items they listed as contributing to their burnout were related to basically being on-call 24/7 with their jobs (through the use of smart phones and apps) to be available always, Basically to care for the company and it‘s work always…another form of full-time care giving & unpaid work. 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @staci.reads Yes too all of that! It‘s mom or grandma‘s fault for wanting more or expecting more…if she‘d just be quiet and do it all, there wouldn‘t be an issue. Makes me think back to the grandmother story in this last section. We expect too much from some people, but when they can‘t possible do everything always & happily (human) it‘s their fault. It‘s so said…the other quote I liked in this book was the Brazilian writer talking about ⤵️ 1mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ harrassment, etc…. Paraphrasing here…You should take it, be silent about it, not raise a fuss, and if you could possibly thank them for it afterwards, that‘s be even better. 1mo
39 likes26 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
A Book of Spinning Wheels | Joan Whittaker Cummer
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I‘m ready to jump back into #BookSpin & #BookSpinBingo this April!!! 😉. Here‘s my list⤴️

@TheAromaofBooks

TheAromaofBooks Woohoo!!! 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa Numbers 1 & 18 Madeleine Albright & Lagoon, both of which have been sitting on my TBR for way too long! (edited) 2mo
48 likes2 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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It‘s a wrap!

#MarchStats

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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
The Red Record | Ida B. Wells
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It only took us approximately 127 years from Ida B Wells‘s Red Record to actually passing an anti-lynching law. To paraphrase MLK Jr. ‘The arc of the moral universe is (indeed) long (and depressingly slow) , but it (eventually…give or take a century) bends toward justice.‘

We need to do better

ravenlee I will never understand how this wasn‘t a given…and yet, I understand it all too well. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ravenlee Right! How is that not a given! But I remember them trying to pass this not long after Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd, and it NOT Passing because ‘reasons‘🙄 2mo
Suet624 💕💕💕 2mo
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Bookwomble 🤯 - The lawmakers had other, more important, issues to deal with than racially-aggravated vigilante murder for the past 150 years? 🤷🏻‍♂️ 2mo
Megabooks 💯💯💯 great but we need to do better. I‘d also like to see stronger voting rights laws. I cannot make my dad understand why everyone can‘t necessarily get a driver‘s license/ID but why it is still legal for them to vote. Sorry that came up yesterday around the table. We need to do better on behalf of our BIPOC Americans!! 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Megabooks yes! I‘ve had this discussion myself many times…that and mail in ballots. My friend in Massachusetts doesn‘t understand why everyone can‘t easily get a photo ID to vote, but I live in rural PA, where there is no public transportation and the nearest DMV is over an hour drive from where I live and is only open 1 day a week, on a week day. So every disabled or elderly person here would need to find someone willing to take the day ⤵️ 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️off of work and wait in line with them all day. We have a very high senior citizen population in my area, many of them women, who would also struggle to get the documentation they need to get an ID. Here you need your original birth certificate, proof of any name change in between, and utility bills sent to your current residence in your name. Many don‘t have access to that. Bills were always in their husbands or then children‘s name, ⤵️ (edited) 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa Birth and marriage records long lost and impossible to just request when you were born at home, or the church that married you long closed and disappeared along with any records. But in a much smaller and more urban state like hers, there are many more DMV‘s much easier to get to, open more hours, records better kept and easier to get access to….. maybe they require less proof too 🤷‍♀️ (edited) 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa The problem always seems to be that everyone always assumes their life story and ability to access info is universal to everyone everywhere. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Megabooks maybe some of that will help you to explain it to him.. AARP is probably still considered neutral in most circles (not lame stream media 🙄) 2mo
Megabooks Yes, I live in a medium-sized town. Fortunately the DMV is open more often but is difficult to access if you‘re disabled, as all three in my family are. We also have the transport issues too although we do have a limited bus system for disabled people, but it covers 7 counties. Fortunately we as a family have access to our own accommodated vehicles but I‘m trying to convince dad that it is not true for everyone. I think everywhere has the Real ID 2mo
Megabooks Issues now. Our backyard neighbor, who is 90, had to bring her marriage certificate to a husband that‘s been dead for 15 years. Fortunately she kept it. Just ridiculous! Thank you for the links!! 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Megabooks and she‘s lucky to still have it and be able to find it… if there has ever been a fire in the home (or in my area a historic fire at one of the county courthouses) those things can be very hard to replace, not to mention seniors who live in nursing homes and don‘t have any of their older personal items with them anymore or who might struggle to remember names and places to request documents…. What was the name of that lawyer who ⤵️ 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa Represented you in that divorce 50 years ago. I can‘t even imagine. I‘m only 48 and was asked recently to list every address I‘ve ever lived at…. I honestly cannot recall the address the street addresses I lived at while in college, I could probably drive you there, but the house number on the street that I was at for 6 months in 1995-ish, nope. 2mo
53 likes17 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid!

Are you infuriated yet? I was mad, but now I‘m even more mad that I‘m not allowed to be mad either 😂. What a twisted system it is, especially once you start to look closely and dismantle it a bit. How did this weeks section hit you?

Are you reserving your next book at the library already? I‘ll try to get a schedule out soon so everyone can start planning. 😉

Riveted_Reader_Melissa This quote stuck out with me this week: “Unfairness and facts aren‘t what provoke anger; people like me who point them out do.” (edited) 2mo
See All 11 Comments
vlwelser I love that quote. This author is 🔥 2mo
vlwelser I feel like this chapter is winding down from the climax that was the intensity in the last chapter. I also like that she uses stats and calls people out on their shit. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @vlwelser Yes, she seems very good at that. Always the facts to back up her “opinion”. 2mo
KathyWheeler @Riveted_Reader_Melissa That‘s the one that stuck out for me as well. 2mo
MallenNC I forgot to check Litsy earlier for today‘s discussion. I liked that quote you mentioned, Melissa. People do not like to have things pointed out. It‘s one reason people don‘t believe women about things like this — bc it‘s easier to ignore and pretend it‘s not true. 2mo
MallenNC It was harder somehow to read this section after watch how Judge Brown Jackson was treated during her confirmation hearings. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @MallenNC Yes!!! 🙄 And god bless her patience. 2mo
ravenlee Was the bit about females with no hair disrupting/affronting the male gaze in this section, or is it the next? That‘s been on my mind since the Oscars stupidity. (edited) 2mo
34 likes11 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
Dolly Parton, Songteller: My Life in Lyrics | Dolly Parton, Robert K Oermann
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Pickpick

I was in the mood for something lighter and more escapism as the real world news is so depressing again… this was just perfect for that. Dolly being asked about different songs, career experiences, lyrics and then listening to her answer in her own voice, the uplifting happy bubbly voice we all know and associate with her. I might not know every song discussed, some I‘ll definitely look up now, but I definitely enjoyed this joyful listen. ⤵️

Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ it really is a shame she turned down that induction into The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, she deserves a place there. It‘s sad to me that she couldn‘t see that. 😔 2mo
TheBookHippie @Riveted_Reader_Melissa I agree. I love this book. I got it last year for my birthday. 2mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
Fascism: A Warning | Madeleine Albright

RIP! Madeleine Albright…. Such a smart and accomplished human!

MallenNC I hate to hear this news. I need to read her memoirs. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @MallenNC this one was great…. I have to read this one yet 2mo
DivineDiana I saw her at an author event at the University of Pennsylvania when this book was released. So glad that Zi had the opportunity, and in her honor, I am moving the book way up on my list. ❤️ 2mo
wanderinglynn Her memoir was fascinating 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @wanderinglynn I have to read that one too! 2mo
41 likes5 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid!

I hope those of you in the winter season are starting to see signs of spring. In the past week, I‘ve had crocuses appear, be blanketed under inches of snow, have it melt and now both crocuses & daffodils blooming. The renewal felt really good to me this week.

Now if only we can use all this anger, long suppressed under the blanket of gaslighting and societal silencing, and break free and renew some of our institutions.

MallenNC This section was tough. There wasn‘t anything in this chapter that I hadn‘t heard about before but reading it all together was so upsetting. I keep thinking about the woman in the US gymnastics team who asked “what is the worth of a little girl?” in her testimony. This chapter shows many times when girls and women weren‘t given their worth or were discounted by the world. 2mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa @MallenNC Yes! It was so hard seeing them all together, not as individual horrible instances, but as a continuous pattern. I hurt all over again reading the Brock Turner case…just a paragraph or two here…brought back that whole book. And I found myself even more grateful that she had it within her to write that and take her voice back. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @MallenNC it also made me think I need to read the gymnastics book…another one I have and keep putting off…sadly though, because I know it will be important and the stories need to be heard and listened too… but yet you put off because you know it will be a hard read. 2mo
MallenNC @Riveted_Reader_Melissa Yes, I am glad of that and glad that this group got me to finally read Know My Name. It was so powerful but I‘d hesitated to read it. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @MallenNC Same here…. Maybe the lesson there is some things are so disturbing they shouldn‘t be faced alone, a group is better…both for those reading the accounts, and for those experiencing trauma…find friends you can safely share with and that will support you. (edited) 2mo
MallenNC @Riveted_Reader_Melissa That‘s a good point. I also think the group reads help me not rush through or get overwhelmed by the tougher topics. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @MallenNC They help me to not get overwhelmed and sit them aside half-read for lighter fare….temporarily…that then stretched further & further. 2mo
staci.reads @MallenNC agree, nothing new here, but packaged under the theme of silencing and gaslighting made these stories still difficult to read about. 2mo
staci.reads I really loved that she started the chapter with the story of her great grandma and how that horrible tale of being kidnapped by a 40 year old man and forced into marriage at the age of 14 was romanticized and passed down through the generations as a beautiful origin story! I mean, wtf?? 2mo
staci.reads Another part that stood out to me was her highlighting the "deep unease" society has with women passing judgement on men (even from female JUDGES!). 2mo
vlwelser This chapter made me especially angry. That story about her great grandmother was very eye opening. Like how does kidnapping and raping a teenager turn into a fairy tale? This author has a lot of insight. I marked several passages in this chapter. She makes excellent points. 2mo
ravenlee I struggled with this section (partly because it was a crazy week and it took me four days to read it), but it‘s all so infuriating. I was thinking of the Kavanaugh confirmation hearings, along with a million other instances of this BS. I worry about raising my daughter in this toxic society we can‘t seem to fix. 2mo
MallenNC @vlwelser @staci.reads Yes, opening with her great grandmother‘s story was powerful. And how she explained that no one wanted to hear it when she pointed out it wasn‘t a love story. 2mo
Julsmarshall So many love stories, myths, and happily ever after a that aren‘t. I have to read in small chunks too, I get so ti led off. I will say that what I‘ve learned over these chapters has impacted how I hear some conversations at work and home. I‘m trying to call it out without making too much of a fuss. And then I think, make a fuss! 2mo
vlwelser @Julsmarshall we definitely should make a fuss. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @vlwelser Just think about our society fairy tales though…Belle is kidnapped, forced to take her father who is held hostage‘s place, but falls in love with her violent & mean kidnapper…because he‘ll change if she‘s nice enough to him. The original Sleeping Beauty was, he fell in love with her at first sight and not only kissed her, but had sex with her, and impregnated her while she was unconscious ….. Ariel is literally forced to trade away ⤵️ 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa …voice and be permanently silenced to get her man. 1001 Arabian nights, she‘s avoiding murder every night, etc, etc They all are romanticized not great stories really, and those are the fictional ones. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @vlwelser Ok… now I‘m mad just writing that. Even our fairy tales as children are crap and teaching us current social misogyny. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ravenlee I just heard him brought up again by a politician in regards to the new Supreme Court nominee…that she was being accused of bad things (they were literally taking her words in a judgment where she was quoting the witness and using it as her words to defame her) and he said, well Kavanaugh was accused of rape with no basis what do the Democrats expect in return… uh..there was basis, witnesses and everything (and it was sexual assault), ⤵️ 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa …But who cares about facts in this culture. So basically you treated our candidate badly, so we can do the same. (Never mind that 1 was legitimate and the other fabricated)… but even if you honestly thought that, shouldn‘t you be aiming to do better, not do worse to the next group.🙄 (edited) 2mo
vlwelser @Riveted_Reader_Melissa they are all like that. Even more modern things like Peter Pan. Which is also pretty racist. I secretly hope the book is better than Disney but not holding my breath. Most of these stories are attributed to men. Ugh. 2mo
vlwelser Can I also just say that this book seems to keep getting better? She's definitely trying to cover too many things. But this would be an interesting intro to women's studies type book. 2mo
KathyWheeler @Riveted_Reader_Melissa You know, I‘ve always loved fairy tales, but, when I was a kid, the only one I really recognized as not being good for me was The Little Mermaid. I couldn‘t understand why she‘d give her voice away and walk on legs that pained her with every step just for a man. Now I understand that misogyny is inherent in almost all of them where women are present at all. 2mo
KathyWheeler @Riveted_Reader_Melissa I know I need to read Know My Name but can‘t bring myself to do it yet. That case filled me with so much anger! 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @vlwelser I really like it too! I originally listened to it on audiobook over a year ago and liked it then, it‘s even better now that I‘m taking my time with it on ebook, able to underline sections, think about them over the week, and talk about them. 2mo
Julsmarshall @KathyWheeler I was reluctant to read Know My Name too but it was surprisingly uplifting, even with all the dark portions. And what a writer! 2mo
KathyWheeler @Julsmarshall That‘s good to know. Thanks. 2mo
ravenlee The Little Mermaid is the worst - and the original fairy tale ending is even more horrible! Ugh. And as for the partisan BS over Supreme Court nominees, no, I absolutely expect the GOP to be worse every time. If they can‘t win every time they‘ll break the game so nobody can play at all. 2mo
ravenlee Sorry to be a bother, but do we have a book picked out for when we finish this one? I have two schedules saved and they contradict each other. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ravenlee And yes….we shuffled them around a couple times this year. (edited) 2mo
Singout I‘d like to learn more about this concept which she attributes to Miranda Flicker. Epistemic injustice consists of testimonial injustice, the speaker not being taken seriously, and hermeneutical injustice, having one‘s social experience denied or hidden, including no framework for understanding it. 2mo
39 likes34 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid!

Are we all feeling the Drip, Drip, Drip of microaggressions or just overwhelming expectations as the care givers of society? What stood out to you in this chapter?

MallenNC Yes! A lot of this was covered in Invisible Women and some of our other books so I was less mad reading it since it wasn‘t new information. But all the examples of women being spoken over and discounted in the workplace stood out to me. I am lucky to work in a majority female organization and office so I‘ve had less of this than most women. And I am grateful for that. (edited) 2mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa @MallenNC What was the statistic there…the meeting/workplace has to be 70% female for the conversation to reach parity. 😬 2mo
vlwelser This did cover a lot of the same ground as Invisible Women, though not as in depth. I also found this less infuriating. Maybe I'm partially numb. 2mo
MallenNC @Riveted_Reader_Melissa Yes, it was 70%. In my office there are 13 women and only one man, and our college leadership is 80% female. So we‘re there! 2mo
MallenNC @vlwelser I think I am a bit numb to this too. Still mad, but it‘s definitely more of an “of course” feeling too. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @vlwelser @MallenNC maybe we are just getting numb to it all, which is sad too really. 2mo
IndoorDame I may be numb to the small everyday things, but then when something breaks out of that microaggression mold, instead of getting angry right away too often I‘m just shocked into inaction. Like someone said to me once, don‘t worry your pretty little head about that, and all I could think in the moment was, no one says that outside of books and movies. So it ends up looking like I‘m okay with someone saying that shit to me too. 2mo
KathyWheeler I was a bit stunned that virtual assistants had no answers or resources to suggest for “I was raped” or “I‘m being abused.” I wasn‘t surprised by anything else though. 2mo
Julsmarshall I know that I‘m getting a little numb, but I added a “Smash the Patriarchy” sticker to my phone case and I‘m waiting for someone to raise an eyebrow 😀 Bring it on! 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @KathyWheeler Yes! It should at least know to call 911! 2mo
KathyWheeler @Riveted_Reader_Melissa Seriously! But instead it has, “I got nothing.” That‘s all kinds of messed up. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @KathyWheeler yep… it didn‘t recognize that phrase….no wonder women don‘t report, authorities of all kinds don‘t see it as even a phrase let alone a crime. 🙄 2mo
KathyWheeler @Riveted_Reader_Melissa And when they do report, they get accused of lying. 2mo
ravenlee I feel like it‘s all set up so that if a woman reacts to a microaggression, she‘s overreacting and should only deal with stuff that “matters.” But when she saves it up for something big, nobody takes it seriously. A woman just can‘t win. Boys will be boys and women just have to accept it, and all that garbage. 2mo
ravenlee My last job, low-level manager at BN, I had a friend who was also a manager who often said in our management meetings, loudly and clearly, “Anne JUST said that,” or, “Anne said that last week and you ignored her.” It was vindicating, but it was enraging how often he had to do that. There were only 7-8 of us in those meetings. He also stood up for me after I quit, as I got blamed for a lot of failures in my absence. He always said, 2mo
ravenlee “That‘s not what Anne did,” or “That‘s exactly what Anne warned us would happen.” Such a toxic management team. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ravenlee That is a great friend, and a great example for all men to follow (friend or not, to just be a decent person.) 2mo
Singout I like what she says about “benevolent sexism”: trading power for protection and being made to feel “special.” 2mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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When a random Chirp audiobook ad makes you think that Sting‘s famous song was probably a reference to this famous book…and you never made the connection before 🤔 😂

Ruthiella Could be! Sting wrote a couple of songs based on books! 2mo
Singout What do you think of it? 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Singout I didn‘t read it, I just saw an ad for it, I might have to check it out now though. 2mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
Weekly Forecast | Thomas Gibson Inc
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Sorry, I fell behind again in my reading & posting… but hey, you get 2 weeks instead of 1 now. I blame the real world for my lax posting…I‘m watching too much news again lately, the world is such a crazy place at the moment.

#WeeklyForecast & #BookReport

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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Another great/infuriating chapter #SheSaid

This book always makes me think, and forces me to think about things I‘d usually push aside, push down, downplay and realize just how universal and telling they really are.

And then I post here, and we all usually have our own stories to share…. the just how universal and normalized it is in our society is staggering sometimes.

ImperfectCJ @Riveted_Reader_Melissa I have so far not been able to join in on these reads, so please go ahead and remove me from the list. I'll keep track via the hashtag and jump back in if I can work it into my schedule. :-) 2mo
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IndoorDame This was such an overwhelming chapter to read because like every woman I have 30 years of these stories- most of which I‘ve never shared, and most of which I‘ve convinced myself were “nothing” -plenty of fodder to come flooding back every time she introduced a new topic. 2mo
Julsmarshall @IndoorDame I am feeling that same way. The question of security and who is responsible for our experience of it hit me hard and those passages really resonated: “the sting of knowing that exactly as the world starts expanding for most boys, it begins to shrink for you” and (paraphrased) This isn‘t about safety, otherwise we‘d teach boys who are also subject to risk the same thing. “It‘s about social control”. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Julsmarshall yes. So sad, and yet a harsh truth. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @IndoorDame exactly! Individually we have stories, and we tell ourselves they are “nothing” an odd aberration….but when story after story by every women is laid out, it gets a bit harder to just brush off. 2mo
Julsmarshall All of the statistics about rape, harassment, violence and justice are heart wrenching and anger-inducing. “The most dangerous man [statistically] a woman will encounter is the one sitting at her own table.” Oof. And how she finishes the chapter, “if we accept the interpretation of life as we know it, we make it acceptable.” I, for one, am angry and I‘m done making it acceptable. 2mo
Julsmarshall @Riveted_Reader_Melissa and @IndoorDame I feel like sharing our stories helps us all to see how regular they are and, hopefully, will encourage change. These aren‘t unique situations, they happen to nearly all of us. 2mo
staci.reads Yes, another infuriating chapter. Reading this book is very similar to my experience reading Everyday Sexism, by Laura Bates, who she references toward the end of the chapter. I read a little, and then have to put the book aside because I'm so enraged and feel so hopeless to change anything. I have to step away, process, and then come back to read more later. Mostly, I think, because it hits home - and I hate that it hits home. 2mo
staci.reads @IndoorDame Some of these stories bring back memories of experiences that I haven't thought about for decades. And I'm sure the reason I haven't thought about them for decades is because I normalized them at the time. I just considered it part and parcel of being a woman. How sad is that? 2mo
MallenNC Like all of you, this chapter was all too familiar. All women have these stories. The worst of mine were from when I waitressed in college, when the “solution” was to get one of my male coworkers to pretend to be my boyfriend. Men were less willing to harass if they thought we “belonged” to another man. This is why women wear fake wedding rings! It‘s exhausting to have to constantly consider dangers when going about your life. (edited) 2mo
staci.reads "The single most accurate predictor of violent crime is a man's felony domestic violence conviction."The statistics that follow that were so disturbing, but shouldn't have been surprising. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Julsmarshall yes! Like the #MeToo movement…together we can be stronger 2mo
Julsmarshall @Riveted_Reader_Melissa and @IndoorDame I feel like sharing our stories helps us all to see how regular they are and, hopefully, will encourage change. These aren‘t unique situations, they happen to nearly all of us. 2mo
staci.reads @Julsmarshall I underlined that quote as well "it's the sting of knowing that exactly as the world starts expanding for boys, it begins to shrink for you." It hurt to read that, for me and for my daughters. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @staci.reads Yes! All of the restraining orders, domestic abuse that gets brushed away by law enforcement, rape kits unprocessed because “women lie a lot/so not urgent”. It‘s so infuriating! How can we see abuse of animals as precursors for violent behavior, but ignore violence against women. If a man kills animals it‘s warning sign for violent behavior, if he abuses women …well, she must have done something to deserve that. 🤦‍♀️🤯and now, 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ with mass shootings…I‘m always amazed how many of them have had violence against women issues in the past. As everyone talks about guns, mental health, they seem to never mention harsher punishment of those that abuse women. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @staci.reads I know, that hurt because I could see that in my own life…. And the line about not scheduling trips to places you‘ve always wanted to see….I felt that one too. 2mo
vlwelser This chapter aligns with a lot of the other books we have been reading. And I loved the mention of Mona Eltahawy (sp?). An extreme version of this story is that my teenage best friend was murdered by a male that she tried to break up with. So this topic hits me pretty hard. But we need to talk about this stuff. Men who don't behave like this think it's exaggerated. Men who do act like this respond like we're wrong to complain. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @vlwelser Yes, I noticed her mention too. And I am so sorry about your friend! The reaction of his men take these discussions make me think of #metoo also, for some denial and anger…but for many it was “really, you too?”, all those stories just broke through in a way individual ones had not. I really should add the book by the women who started that movement to our list…so many books… (edited) 2mo
Julsmarshall Spot on, @vlwelser . And I‘m sorry about your friend. @Riveted_Reader_Melissa I‘ve had the safety aspect affect the places I‘ve wanted to travel too. And I really enjoy solo travel, but that limits where I can go which is infuriating. 2mo
vlwelser @Julsmarshall omg. I forgot about the travel thing. Denmark is supposed to be one of those safe places. That story made me rethink basically everything. 2mo
ravenlee This chapter, like all of them, was infuriating, and concerning for me as the mother of a girl. I need to teach her about safety but also that it‘s all BS. A friend‘s daughter started running for school a few years ago, around 12. Friend sat down with daughter and running friends and said: never run with both earbuds in. Never, ever, leave a girl behind. Never run without someone (multiple someones) knowing where/when. It made her sick but 🤷🏻‍♀️ 2mo
ravenlee I never thought about the self-defense classes and all that other crap as feeding the social control/fear. I always hated it, though - make the boys take the classes on how not to be a rapist! But that would be wrong. We have to teach the girls not to be victims - and then when it happens anyway it must be her fault, because we told her what not to do. Oh, and let‘s not forget “what were you wearing?”. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @vlwelser @Julsmarshall Yes, I always wanted to see many things…like for instance, the pyramids…but it just isn‘t a safe place for a woman to travel alone. And reading this reminds me it can happen anywhere, is Denmark or the US really markedly safer? Probably not, because it can happen anywhere…the difference is probably more a combo of prejudice, “it can‘t happen here”, and that if you went alone—well they would definitely say it was her fault 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ravenlee The running thing makes me think of Gary Condit - Chandra Levy story, where she disappeared, it came out they had a relationship, he was suspected…and later after another jogger attack, they eventually found her remains. Attacked on her morning run, in a wooded park way in downtown DC and body not found for over year…I visited that park when I lived there, a beautiful natural space in the middle of the city… but police didn‘t find ⤵️ 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ her alive or her remains because the story of the affair was much more interesting. It only came out later that the congressman had an airtight alibi from day 1, and other women had been assaulted in the park around the same time and they had that man. That story even gets sadder because they didn‘t search properly (again her sex life was much more exciting) and she probably died tied up in the woods of exposure.🙄. Not to mention the man ⤵️ 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ who assaulted other women in the park, was basically deported, but never tried & convicted. The whole thing always stuck with me, I‘m sure like the Gabby Petito will with girls growing up today….that such obvious signs are just overlooked and even after remains are found, basically brushed aside anyway…questioning her decisions & relationships much more interesting then her being missing/murdered. (edited) 2mo
KathyWheeler When we were in grad school, my husband used to walk home from the library late at night and thought nothing of it. I did it once, prayed that I‘d be safe the entire way, and never did it again. 2mo
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review
Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Pickpick

I quite enjoyed this travel, excavation, mystery, mummy book. It reminded me of The Mummy, the Brendan Fraser version, in all the best ways. Adventure, Egyptology, a mummy mystery (although more earthly than supernatural), and a great spunky, snarky, doesn‘t put with anything, intelligent heroine trading barbs with a much more blunt & gruff excavator. It is definitely a bit dated in parts, but it fit with the time period of the story.

jewright I‘m reading this series too. It‘s fun! 2mo
Ruthiella I love this series. It is a little dated but the author moves forward in the books published later. I just finished the 10th book that came out in 1998. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @jewright Yes, and sometime you just need fun! 2mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Ruthiella I believe there are about 20 books in this series now, but if it stays on this track…I could see myself working through them all. 2mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Ruthiella And in this one the dated didn‘t bother me really, because it was also set in the past too, so it fit the time of the story. 2mo
EvieBee It reminded me to the same movie! I should probably pick up the next one soon. 2mo
CarolynM I love Elizabeth Peters. You have so much fun reading ahead of you. 2mo
57 likes7 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid. I hope everyone is having a great weekend.

A lot to unpack in this chapter, and again not a surprise reading it, sadly many of these statistics are better known now, but put together this way it definitely makes you think about it more as a larger social construct than random things that are happening independently of each other. What did you think of this chapter? Any parts that stood out to you or that you want to discuss?

Riveted_Reader_Melissa I couldn‘t help thinking of Gabrielle Union‘s new book that is just recently read (again)…she tried to have a child for a very long time, went through fertility treatments, and ended up needing a surrogate. She was very candid in both her first book & her second of both internalize guilt at not being able to do this “naturally” and backlash she got over different parts of her journey trying to have a child. So with that recently read, I couldn‘t 3mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ help thinking about it as I read this chapter. 3mo
ravenlee This chapter was amazing and infuriating. It reminded me a lot of my childbirth experience, like when my ob told me I could make a birth plan if I wanted but she wouldn‘t follow it, when she refused to discuss what might leas to a c-section (which I ended up having), and when she ignored my postpartum bleeding except to perform an unnecessary surgery and then shrug while I hemorrhaged for six months. 3mo
ravenlee I have gotten a lot of pushback for having only one child (see previous experience for most of why!). And I got a lot of crap for waiting in the first place, as we were married six years before deciding we wanted a child. I‘ve never understood why any of it is anybody‘s business in the first place! 3mo
vlwelser @ravenlee definitely nobody's business 3mo
vlwelser I thought this chapter was the most stunning yet. I felt so bad for the author's sister. But also for everyone else that had to deal with these situations where they weren't listened to and not provided appropriate care. 3mo
IndoorDame So many things in this chapter made me angry! But in each section I kept coming back to the idea that no one was listening to what women are saying. Both their partners or employers, but frequently their doctors. I‘ve definitely had this experience in all sorts of ridiculous ways, and it just makes you want to scream. (Not that I ever have actually screamed in the moment…) 3mo
Julsmarshall I agree with all of you and I had to keep putting the book down and taking a break because I was so mad. And so right, much of this happens because women are seen on some level as a vessel that serves everyone but themselves. That we are meant to help men carry on their bloodline, an incubator for the next generation and responsible for the emotional and physical health of everyone around us. It is exhausting and infuriating. 3mo
Julsmarshall And the “husband stitch”? I‘m pretty sure smoke was coming out of my ears. 3mo
KathyWheeler This chapter made me the angriest of all so far. I remember when I had my first child, and told the nurse I had to push. She believed it was too early because it was my first child and she didn‘t want to wake the doctor up. She finally checked me because my husband told her to. My son‘s head was crowning. But, no! I, as a woman, would have no actual clue what was going on with my body, so I wasn‘t worth listening to.😡 (edited) 3mo
KathyWheeler @Julsmarshall Mine too! I‘d heard about it before, but for Pete‘s sake! (edited) 3mo
IndoorDame @Julsmarshall @KathyWheeler Seriously! I knew this was once common, but I had no idea it was still going on. How is that legal? Especially without the patient‘s knowing about it!! 3mo
ravenlee A friend told me that his mother was severely beaten during her last pregnancy (should have been his second sibling) and the fetus died. She was forced to carry to term “just in case” and had to endure another month or so of incubating a dead baby, then still had to deliver. They refused her epidurals and painkillers and treated her like she was a monster. What a world we live in. 😡 3mo
ravenlee Another friend has seven kids. During her last pregnancy her vile OB grabbed a handful of her abdominal skin and told her he‘d give her a referral to a really good plastic surgeon after birth because she needed about $10k of work to look good in a swimsuit for her husband (who has seven children with her, he hardly finds her repulsive!). It‘s everywhere. 3mo
Julsmarshall You know, it is really remarkable that we aren‘t angry ALL the time! 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @IndoorDame And if we screamed, we would do so justifiably given circumstances like these, but would quickly be labeled “hysterical” and crazy. I makes me think there is more of a connection there to the original “hysteria” diagnosis…in reality it was just women who were tired of it and not putting up with it anymore…and therefore ended up medicated & institutionalized through much of our history….for basically allowing themselves to admit & 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa …show real frustration (and Yes, rage). If the “good girl” has anger, she must be insane since that doesn‘t fit the societal mold. 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ravenlee after 7 kids, I‘d definitely find a different OB… but reading this and even the sections about Catholic Hospitals made me realize just how few choices most women actually have… sadly not as much as we should as “customers” looking for better service providers. 3mo
ravenlee @Riveted_Reader_Melissa she didn‘t have the same one for all of them (military family, so their kids were born all over the states!) but I was amazed and appalled that she didn‘t ditch that guy that very minute. I didn‘t know any better with my OB experience, but my friend should have. 3mo
ravenlee The “care” I received in the hospital following my c-section was pathetic. First nurse was a tiny (like, 4‘10” and maybe 90 pounds) loan from a different unit and had never worked labor and delivery. She was supposed to help me if I fell trying to get my baby, who was placed out of reach while I had a catheter. I couldn‘t get a full meal from the cafeteria (vegetarian? In Louisiana? No way). Nursery nurse refused to take my baby 👇🏻 3mo
ravenlee to the nursery so I could get two hours of sleep. It was ridiculous. And they all treated me like it was my fault, for being a bad mom and needing an emergency c-section and whatever else. I had one good nurse in five days and never saw my doctor the whole time because she went on vacation, so I saw a parade of other docs, none more than once. 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ravenlee That is insane, and really brings home the point of a society that reveres motherhood, but not actual human mothers. I think it‘s very telling that every chapter of this book we read, the real women reading it, from different areas & walks of life, all can jump in with their own personal experiences (or those of a close friend) which to me shows how universal the problems really are. 3mo
ncsufoxes When I had my first I had a great experience, the nurses were responsive & helpful. When I had my second (same hospital), it was such a horrible experience. I had an emergency c-section (first c-section) & the nurse was so horrible. I remember being in horrible pain & buzzing constantly & no one coming to give me meds or anything. I think I ended up going home after 2-3 days because at home my husband could give me meds on time. 2mo
ncsufoxes When I became pregnant with my second I start off at a different OB office that was closer to our house. I had to go in for an early routine check & the NP couldn‘t find the heartbeat (mind you my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage). So I am always on edge after losing our first baby. Anyhow she couldn‘t find the heartbeat & then told me that I was probably still pregnant since I was vomiting daily. Then proceeded to tell me I should have 2mo
ncsufoxes Extensive blood work done to rule out any STDs. When I asked why, my husband & I had been married 9 years at that point, together for like 15 years (& my last pregnancy no one suggested this). She flat out told me, well men cheat & you should get checked just in case. After I wanted to punch her I said that it was something I was not concerned about because I am in a committed relationship. She‘s like well you should still do it because you never 2mo
ncsufoxes Know. I told my husband see, the one time you don‘t come with me. But I left that office very quickly & filed a complaint. Also a few years ago after my husband was finishing his post doc he did some interviews at universities to see if he wanted to go into academics. He interviewed at Notre Dame & they flat out said that they do not pay for any birth control since they are a Catholic 2mo
ncsufoxes Institution. So that was eye opening to find out that they could dictate the kind of care you receive. 2mo
39 likes2 stack adds29 comments
review
Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Pickpick

Her first book was so honest & touched on so many great topics, I was surprised to hear she had another. This felt like a seamless continuation, full of stories you have to hear to believe such running into your idol while dressed as them, chased through King‘s Landing, a dance battle! Exciting stuff for sure, but as always it‘s her honesty & vulnerability that will stick with me as she discusses current events, trauma, & family relationships.

Riveted_Reader_Melissa #SheSaid. I‘d recommend both of her books. This one touched on the Anger issue like it was meant to go with our current read, and she also talks about Ida B Wells, the subject of our last read. I definitely picked this one up at the right time. 3mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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My #BookReport and #WeeklyForcast , only a day late 😂

BarbaraTheBibliophage I **loved** Project Hail Mary! Highly recommend the audio if you can. Narration is my favorite of all time—knocked Trevor Noah‘s book off the perch. 😎 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @BarbaraTheBibliophage Well that is a very high compliment for the narrator there! 3mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Well #SheSaid this ch. felt very timely to me…. Both personally & politically.

First, I couldn‘t help thinking about the 2 infrastructure bills in the US, one for roads & bridges (easily passed) and one for human infrastructure (ie. women‘s work) that was fought tooth and nail and died….because why put tax money into something you can get women to do for free (child care, elder care, etc 🙄).

⤵️

Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ But also because I am having these arguments with a 20 something young man who lives in my household & seems to think I should happily do all the household stuff (free cook, personal shopper, laundress) but also provide complete care for the new puppy (the dog he HAD TO have)! I know it stinks to have to get up early in the morning & go out in the cold to walk the dog, but it stinks for me too, the difference being I don‘t own a dog. 🙄😂 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ and honestly I‘m not winning this petty little home battle, so what chance do the rest of us have. 😱 3mo
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MallenNC This chapter reinforced what I have read previously and seen all around me. I don‘t have kids, but I‘ve seen all my friends, even with progressive partners, shoulder most of the childcare. And I‘m now at the point in life where my mom needs me to take her for multiple doctors appointments, so I feel a small part of the stress of trying to balance that with work. (edited) 3mo
MallenNC Melissa, that‘s a great connection with the infrastructure bill passing but the one supporting children and women did not. This chapter made the point that our society doesn‘t value “women‘s work” really well. It‘s also reflected, as she wrote, in devaluing teachers. It‘s very frustrating. 3mo
mandarchy My current frustration is the man in my house who expects to be thanked for cleaning up after himself. I'm supposed to be a cheering section every time he does a small chore. But no one notices everything I do, which includes working full time and paying the bills. I think they should have a parade for me everytime the furnace goes on. Occasionally I slam pots and pans around in the kitchen, I can't quietly do the dishes. 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @MallenNC I completely understand that, I don‘t have any children either… but I helped care for two grandparents who wanted to be able to stay in their home, 1 parent, and now a nephew…women‘s care-giving doesn‘t begin or end with children. And looking back on it now, it‘s quite telling that the “handicapped” granddaughter without children was the “obvious” choice to care for them…since she didn‘t have kids or grandkids to worry about. 😂 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @mandarchy Yes! You understand my nephew frustrations then! You are an adult, so am I, I take care of my pets and clothes, and cleaning, etc….why should I be responsible for yours. I‘m not your mom, and you are no longer a small child. But yet they seem stuck in a perpetual childhood state where they expect us to “mother” them their entire lives. 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @mandarchy I‘m beginning to understand why women live longer despite these imbalances, because now I know our best years are at 80 & above….after the men pass on. 😂 (edited) 3mo
tenar I agree, we‘ve seen this devaluing play out on the biggest stages lately, and this section reinforced a lot of what we learned about womens‘ economics in Invisible Women. I felt a little like this chapter spent less time on anger itself and more time on why we should be mad 😂 The new idea to me was the connection she made between caregiving stress & monetary stress! I think gendered thinking on finances may have kept me from seeing that before. 3mo
MallenNC @Riveted_Reader_Melissa That was so sad to me — that women‘s happiest times were in their 80s when they could finally just care for themselves. I agree that women are expected to do all these things that men are expecting to be thanked/recognized for. It‘s like when fathers say they‘re babysitting while the mothers do something else. No, you are parenting, not babysitting. 3mo
MallenNC @tenar I thought this chapter reinforced Invisible Women too. I agree that everything in this chapter was something we should be mad about. 3mo
mandarchy @MallenNC the babysitting dad! That's the man in my house that wants to be applauded for emptying the dishwasher. I didn't have kids until I was 40 and my family always called on me to take care of things because I wasn't busy. Then they don't remember who did all the work. I flipped my lid at Thanksgiving one year when my aunt tried to take credit for all the work. I'm actually grateful for the pand 3mo
mandarchy I hate my thumbs! I hit send before that last comment was ready. I was saying I don't miss holiday meals with my family. 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @tenar I think the idea is we should be mad, and often internally are, we are just subverting and denying it (even to ourselves) because of socialization and the gaslighting that occurs if we express it. She helping us to see that internal anger and that it is valid to feel it…. Not only that but it might be empowering if we all recognize it & use it to fuel change. (edited) 3mo
tenar @mandarchy @Riveted_Reader_Melissa This chapter must have really keyed me up because I‘m ready to get into fisticuffs with the men in y‘alls‘ lives, hah! I‘ve never managed a shared household, but what I‘ve seen by men in my family has been the ignorance (they believe they do their fair share, but never realized the bathtub doesn‘t clean itself) and helplessness (where they try to get out of it by avoiding learning for themselves). Frustrating! 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @mandarchy I completely understand that…less family gatherers, more time to relax & enjoy the holidays. I used to cart my nephew (same one) around every holiday between his mom & dad‘s (they were never married & did not get along), but I spend a lot of holidays driving the nephew around so he would get to every gathering, when I could have just stayed home and read. I remember conversations then when my brother would complain nonstop about his⤵️ 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ son‘s mom. And that I was too “friendly” with her. Well, someone had to be the intermediary, and that person has to talk to both parties. Again emotional labor my brother was unwilling to do. 🙄 3mo
tenar @Riveted_Reader_Melissa I totally see your point, that validation is deeply important for a disregarded or even gaslit emotion, and I imagine it would be especially powerful if it was the first time someone reading had come across these ideas articulated in this manner. I‘m looking forward to where she directs us and our feelings after taking us through the women‘s anger tour! 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @tenar Yes…and they admitted to doing it badly so they wouldn‘t have to do it anymore….I‘m still shocked they admitted that to the study/author/whatever. 3mo
IndoorDame I don‘t manage a shared household either, but in every one I know, no matter how well the physical labor is divided, ALL the mental management is done by the women and they find it frustrating and exhausting. Even if the men in their households do the shopping, if they don‘t gather everyone and say it‘s time to make the weekly shopping list, or, we ran out of x, the shopping just won‘t happen that week. 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @IndoorDame Yes 😂. The gender most capable to run the world (they say) and almost every government and government office… but can‘t manage a grocery run, or cards on birthdays, or any other “minor” organizational challenge without their “help” mate. (edited) 3mo
IndoorDame @Riveted_Reader_Melissa I was shocked by this too! Can you imagine how high the number must be if you add in the men who didn‘t admit to it?! 3mo
tenar @IndoorDame This is an excellent point that I‘m not sure if has been thoroughly made in the books we‘ve read so far! There‘s this insidious lack of ultimate household responsibility that I guess is yet another defense against equalizing housework. I remember this webcomic about it called “You Should‘ve Asked” (like, ‘I would have helped you if you just told me what to do!) https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/ 3mo
tenar Perhaps a vital part of propping that mental division up was the data the author shared about how people still believe in gendered household domains- women should be responsible for the interior of the house, men should be responsible for the garage and yard or what have you. (How does that go for apartments?) (edited) 3mo
IndoorDame @tenar that comic is a fabulous illustration of that concept! 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @tenar I think that “why didn‘t you ask” thing falls into the same category as…if I do it poorly she‘ll stop asking me to do it. I think it‘s a fake out sometimes to get out of helping/working. 😬 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @tenar Great comic!!!! 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa Plus I find when I do ask…I get a lot of excuses why he can‘t do xyz… 3mo
ravenlee Oh my goddess yes, this chapter. I‘m a SAHM and homeschooler, I didn‘t want to give up the closeness to my daughter and then homeschool started - and I became Susie freaking Homemaker. I love some things about it but I also have some serious rage about it. Like, when we do floors, hubby will vacuum but apparently it takes a vagina to handle a broom. 🙄I never, ever get a break. I spent my mom‘s birthday with her in October, the first time 👇🏻 3mo
ravenlee I‘ve ever been away from kiddo overnight (she‘s 8), and it was the easiest thing in the world for kid and hubby, but massive guilt for me. Now I have a gig that will have me out of the house every evening for a week straight, then weekend afternoons twice. The guilt! I have to do the meal planning so they can eat while I‘m off working. 3mo
ravenlee When my dad retired from USAF he told my mom it was “her turn” to work for a living, and he‘d stay home and take care of the house. It couldn‘t be that hard, after all, because she‘d been doing it for 20 years. Meanwhile she was raising three kids in a foreign country while my dad was flying all over the world. My BF told me once if anything ever happens to my dad my mom needs to tell that story and say, “I didn‘t kill him then, why would I now?” 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ravenlee See…but why do you have to do the meal planning. He‘s an adult he knows how to eat, and can feed himself…and your child is 8, she knows what she likes. I have faith he can figure it out. (but boy I understand the guilt and the feeling that you HAVE to plan it out for them or they will starve) 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ravenlee How do they get us that wrapped around their finger that we feel we need to do it all because they can‘t fend for themselves🤷‍♀️ 3mo
vlwelser This chapter made me really happy that I didn't end up down one of these paths where I would be responsible for another human. But I obviously could do it if I had to. I see my friends that have male partners and useless siblings really struggling with some of this stuff. 3mo
ravenlee Exactly! I “have” to do the meal planning so the shopping can get done so that everybody can eat. If I don‘t do it, then they might eat but won‘t. It‘ll be PBJ for me heading out the door at 6 and nothing left when I get home at 1030. Because it‘s “my job.” When hubby plans dinner, usually that means he grills something and tells me what dishes I‘m supposed to prepare. Did I mention I‘m vegetarian? So in his plan I STILL have to feed everyone. 3mo
vlwelser Caitlin Moran talked about a lot of this stuff in her last book. Mostly relating to elder care and it being an unpaid burden that mostly falls on women. 3mo
vlwelser @ravenlee my bestie struggles with this stuff. One of her kids has crazy allergies and the husband refuses to eat what she makes for the kids and then complains that she didn't make anything he wanted to eat. She basically just tells him to f off and he gets a lot of takeout. Which makes him fat. Which he also complains about. So ridiculous. 3mo
KathyWheeler “Just text me a list of what you want me to do and I‘ll do it.” That‘s what I got. My husband is retired but I‘m still responsible for telling him what needs to be done in the house. Weirdly, since he was so sick last year and is still learning to walk again, I notice him trying to do things himself without asking what needs doing. 3mo
ravenlee @vlwelser my husband has been fine with eating what I cook for most of our marriage. I need to give him credit - he doesn‘t care that I never took his name, our daughter has my last name; in a lot of ways he‘s great. But the other stuff…drives me up a wall! Like the recent obsession with grilling meat all. The. Time. And then leaving the rest of the meal up to me. It‘s not easier or better in any way, but he can‘t see that. 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @vlwelser that one is on my list, I really liked her first one 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ravenlee the other book I‘m listening too is Gabrielle Union‘s newest. Her first was great and this one is a great addition. I picked it up this afternoon and the essay that happened to be next was about exactly this issue and her anger over it. How even when he retired and it was “her” turn she was responsible for all the child planning and her career stuff, while he was then retired….and how mad she got while trying to juggle all of that ⤵️ 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ one day, realizing that she was going to be late for a meeting and said, “can you grab me a water”…and he said “I don‘t work for you” and the anger that flooded through her because we (women) do all that stuff all the time and we don‘t “work” for them either. I know I‘m not doing the essay justice here… but it seriously fit right in with this chapter & conversation. (edited) 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ she goes on to talk about the division of role expectations, child rearing, and how his retirement made them more pronounced in many ways, and the repressed anger women feel about it. 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa Both are great, but I‘d recommend them in order. 3mo
Julsmarshall This chapter, oi! It has me feeling a lot of feelings. When my kids were small, I worked part time at odd hours but still arranged for all childcare and did all the cooking, cleaning, all the caring. My husband has always helped with cooking and groceries but for years only when I asked for help. Kids are grown now and he definitely helps more (years of training, lol) but this chapter put me right back into those tough days. 3mo
ncsufoxes Mental load, it‘s my phrase I say constantly around my house. My oldest is 17 & I tell him all the time: you need to make a list of what you need to get done & do it so I don‘t have to remind you, reduce my mental load (still need to remind him since he has ADD & requires frequent reminders but we‘re getting there). My husband is pretty good about doing things without asking because he can see dishes need to be done or what not. Plus he cleans 3mo
ncsufoxes bathrooms & actually does most of the cleaning. But I definitely do more of making appointments for kids, the dog & taking them. Although for the last year I have shifted more of the responsibility onto him. Our middle child is also Autistic & so this brings additional planning planning & work for both of us. But I know I definitely do more related to child care: therapy appts, following up with school stuff, activities, holiday shopping. All the 3mo
ncsufoxes little things that need to be taken care of that if I don‘t do it it wouldn‘t get done. Although my mom & I had a discussion a few weeks ago about how my husband does a lot around the house but his father never did anything to help his mom (& my MIL is not a feminist, she catered to my FIL). I‘ve never had to tell my husband to do things, he just naturally did/does them. Probably because when we were married we were both working. 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ncsufoxes I feel that way often, “little things that need to be taken care of that if I don‘t do it it wouldn‘t get done”…. But boy they can add up quick when you have to do them or if I stop doing them don‘t they.🙄. I probably should have mentioned above that my nephew who I am struggling with has ADHD, it is definitely an added challenge….because he can so easily tune those little things out. 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ncsufoxes maybe your husband does a lot because he saw that dynamic with his parents and did not want to be like that. Parenting seems to have that effect, either you do things because that‘s what you saw & learned OR you saw stuff and didn‘t like it and decided you never wanted to be that way. 🤷‍♀️ (edited) 3mo
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My updated #BookReport and #WeeklyForcast for the week that was, and those coming up soon. Sorry for posting a bit late 😉

I am finally catching back up with the #PratchettPoose / #OokBOokClub though 😉

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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
Thud! | Terry Pratchett
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Pickpick

I fell a bit behind there with the #PractettPosse #OokBOokClub, sorry. This one was a new read for me, and although it won‘t be my favorite Watch book I really liked how it dealt with ancient “obvious to everyone antagonist” animus, with what really happened, and how it sometimes benefits those with power to keep the real history buried and keep the conflict going. I still love how Pratchett can make us look at real issues with surreal stories.

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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
Going Postal | Terry Pratchett
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Pickpick

I‘m still catching up with the #PractettPosse #OokBOokClub, for some reason I starting falling behind when I hit a bunch that were re-reads for me, but yet enjoyed them just as much as the first time I read them 🤷‍♀️ (problems only avid readers understand I suspect🤔🙃). Even on re-read though, I have to say these later books with Moist (same with Tiffany Aching) really hold up and I‘d recommend them still even to someone new to the Disc.

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Interesting chapter #SheSaid about both how anger turned inwards can becomes pain and how pain is perceived and glossed over as unimportant especially in women. What are your thoughts on this one? Below are 2 quotes that stuck with me, but I highlighted many:

“By the time a woman reaches midlife, the most significant predictors of her general health are her levels of stress and where she ranks in terms of keeping her “anger in.””

Riveted_Reader_Melissa “the only tired I was, was tired of giving in.” - by Rosa Parks 3mo
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MallenNC This was an interesting chapter. I believe that repressing anger does cause health issues, so that made a lot of sense to me. I can‘t believe (but do) that doctors even now believe the myth that Black women don‘t feel pain. What has been done in the name of medical progress is horrific. 3mo
MallenNC This was an interesting chapter. I believe that repressing anger does cause health issues, so that made a lot of sense to me. I can‘t believe (but do) that doctors even now believe the myth that Black women don‘t feel pain. What has been done in the name of supposed medical progress is horrific. 3mo
MallenNC That quote from Rosa Parks is great. I‘ve read that before, but I was definitely led to believe in school that she didn‘t get up bc she was physically tired, not that she was a woman who was part of a larger effort. The quote you mentioned says it all. 3mo
KathyWheeler @MallenNC I had been taught that as well. I only read differently a few years ago. 3mo
KathyWheeler @MallenNC This poetry collection about surgical experiments done on enslaved Black women is very powerful and heartrending: https://smile.amazon.com/Mend-Poems-Contemporary-Poetry-Prose/dp/0813176271/ref=... 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @KathyWheeler That sounds heart-breaking…. Stacking for when I am in the right frame of mind for that one. 3mo
ravenlee This chapter reminded me of a lifetime of hearing “this is just normal for you” from every freaking doctor. My mom first took me to a (male) gyn at 13, two years into menstruation. I was regularly missing a day of school every month - because how can you go to class when you can‘t sit or stand? He recommended BCP but my mom thought I was too young and she‘d had bad experiences with them. Instead I started a series of painkillers 👇🏻 3mo
ravenlee that I progressively maxed out. I didn‘t get relief until I did start BCP at 19. In the interim, every single gyn told me it was “just normal for you, and you have to find a way to live with it.” I worry for my daughter that she‘ll have as rough a journey as I did, but I know how to advocate better for her than my mom did for me. (edited) 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ravenlee I understand that, my friend since HS‘s mom died…cancer…but for years she complained of pain in her abdomen, but was basically just told she was overweight and needed to loose weight. All that time she spent on WW and it was cancer growing 🙄 Still reminds me to advocate for myself if I feel something isn‘t right, to this day… 3mo
vlwelser This chapter reminded me of Invisible Women, how women aren't even thought about in terms of health care. I mean obviously we're all hysterical and any pain we experience is imagined. 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @vlwelser yes, it made me think of that one too. 3mo
ravenlee @Riveted_Reader_Melissa that‘s terrible. The intersection of being female and being overweight is one of the most dangerous for medical attention. My SIL recently had a hysterectomy for endometriosis/adenomyosis and it has been amazing the difference - but it took 20 years of pain and extreme suffering to get there. She had a good team and it was diagnosed early on but she was so young they tried to manage it until she had the kids she wanted. 3mo
ncsufoxes It does not surprise me but still shocking to think that the male anatomy & physiology is how most medical understanding & decisions are made about women‘s health. I had my gallbladder removed many years ago and about a year after the removal I started vomiting nonstop for hours. I had a fever & was shaking, my husband took me to the ER. They ran all sorts of tests & couldn‘t figure out what was wrong. At the time I was working in early 3mo
ncsufoxes intervention & doing home visits. The doctor said that I must have changed a baby‘s diaper & not cleaned my hands properly & got sick that way. I tried to explaining that first of all my job did not involve changing diapers & again that didn‘t happen. He wouldn‘t listen to me. I followed up with my surgeon & she told me that I had a very rare spasm that can happen after having a gall bladder removal & most doctors don‘t know about it, 3mo
ncsufoxes especially ER doctors. I was just so mad though that no one listened to me & made up a story to fit what they wanted to use as an explanation for why I was so sick. 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ncsufoxes I am frustrated and angry just reading that story! Bad enough to not listen and deny/downplay real problems…. But to make up a scenario to fit, even when you tell them that your job doesn‘t do that. (Because again they assume they know your job better than you and of course stereotypical women‘s work)… infuriating! 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ncsufoxes it would make me want to go and tell them, hey just FYI, this is what was actually wrong. You know, for future reference, so you can learn. 😉 3mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Just checking in…How is everyone doing with their #Nonfiction2022 card this year? Anybody stuck or having any issues. So far I‘ve been delving into history a bit with:

With Ten Days in the Mad House by Nellie Bly for I Am a Basket Case
&
Ida B Queen for I Am a Rebel

I absolutely love seeing all your posts & the way you are each interpreting the prompts, the creativity is fabulous! My TBR list is growing with each post.

⤵️

Riveted_Reader_Melissa If you are just starting out and need a black card or the “rules” (there really aren‘t any) a blank card and the initial post can be found under #Nonfiction2022Template 3mo
ncsufoxes I missed this prompt but totally going to do it because I read a lot of non-fiction. I have a few in mind that I have in my TBR pile to use. 3mo
Megabooks I‘m tracking on the storygraph and I think I‘m about half done. I‘ll do the template this weekend. 👍🏻👍🏻 having fun!! 3mo
Amiable I am enjoying the extra creativity of trying to figure out a book that will fit each prompt! 3mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
Timeline | Michael Crichton
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A great and diverse group of finds at the local #LibraryBookSale!

I think my #LuckyDuck approves of my #BookHaul

Ruthiella Nice haul! 👍 3mo
LitStephanie Looks like a good spread! Your kitty looks concerned about your book problem. 🤣 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @LitStephanie more like concerned I sat them in her sleeping corner for the photo before I put them away. 😂 she was probably thinking, this is my sleeping & sunbathing corner, these better not be staying here.😂 3mo
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LitStephanie @Riveted_Reader_Melissa haha, how dare you! 3mo
readordierachel Wonderful stack! Juliet Takes a Breath is so good 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @readordierachel I‘d seen very good reviews for it here on Litsy, so when I saw it I snagged it immediately. 😂 3mo
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Another week, another thought-provoking chapter! I am liking the layout of this book, a personal story to illustrate the point, but then backed up with studies and research. How‘s everyone else making out with this selection so far?

#SheSaid

mandarchy @Riveted_Reader_Melissa I got the book early and I've been reading ahead. I am finding it very readable, but some of the stories are intense and I have to pause. I just renewed it so I don't feel rushed to finish it. I was a little worried about that. 3mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa I‘ve also loved the quotes you‘ve all been posting, I feel like I‘m highlighting most of the book. (edited) 3mo
IndoorDame I‘m definitely impressed with how well researched but also how readable this is. I was shocked in this chapter by how young the age has gotten at which girls start restricting food. 35% of 5 year olds! Why aren‘t we sending our daughters the message that malnutrition during the growing years has lifelong health consequences and that their well-being matters more than looking any specific way? 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @mandarchy I understand that, I went through it on audiobook the first time (over a year ago), but this time I think I‘m benefiting from not only reading & highlighting it, but pausing after some spots to let it sink on a bit more…ruminate over it. I‘m also amazed at how much I had forgotten or buried in my attempts to be the “good girl” again. 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @IndoorDame Sadly because here, sometimes doctors and parents are telling them to watch their weight now. Plus as soon as they enter any social group, they compare and can be picked on for being too big, too tall, too whatever. 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @IndoorDame I wish we as a whole society were doing better with this. 3mo
mandarchy @IndoorDame I have been noticing little girls sneak food or lie to their parents about what they are eating. It's infuriating. 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @mandarchy So sad….they are already learning they need to lie & sneak to take care of their own needs and to make everyone else “happy”😢 3mo
ravenlee @Riveted_Reader_Melissa @IndoorDame @mandarchy sometimes it‘s the parents‘ influence. My SIL has had a rough relationship with food and weight probably her whole life (we‘re not close). She had gastric bypass years ago because she pushed for it, then was upset it didn‘t *miraculously* solve all her problems. She and my brother both got into Orange Theory Fitness and it seems to have made a big difference, but she‘s passed her issues on to 👇🏻 3mo
ravenlee their kids. Rather than learning to cook nutritious meals, the parents buy the OTF meals for themselves and I don‘t even know what their kids eat. When my oldest niece was in 8th grade and going to her first dance my mom was taking care of them. SIL had bought niece her first Spanx for the dance - but wouldn‘t get her a proper bra (all she had were sports bras). But she said niece definitely needed the Spanx. My mom took her bra shopping and 👇🏻 3mo
ravenlee didn‘t make her wear the Spanx for the dance. When SIL got back from the trip she was on at the time she was livid with my mom because “the pictures were ruined.” 3mo
IndoorDame @ravenlee so sad! I hate that so many women feel like they have to be “picture perfect” all the time, we definitely shouldn‘t be passing this stress on to the next generation. It‘s great that your nice has your mom as an influence to let her know it‘s okay to relax a bit 3mo
IndoorDame @Riveted_Reader_Melissa I wish we were doing better with this too. I was one of those kids who got that message from my doctors, parents and schoolmates even though looking back at photos of myself in grade school there was actually nothing wrong with my weight. But I think we‘re actually doing worse than when I grew up. & I t‘s tragic that the smaller is better attitude has been extended to women and girls of all ages with no room for logic 3mo
vlwelser This book is so easy to read. It's difficult to stop at one chapter. She does seem to keep pointing out things we should all be angry about. The thing that stuck out to me was that repressed anger manifests in other areas. 3mo
vlwelser And the body image stuff is ridiculous. I always think about it when I'm in meetings and the guys can't even seem to comb their hair but we're all expected to be picture perfect all the time. 3mo
MallenNC I like her approach to the material too, with the personal story and then examples/research. It‘s another book that I can‘t say I‘m “enjoying” because it does make me very mad, and especially sad for younger women and girls that these issues seem worse and not better. 3mo
ravenlee I‘m finding this book fascinating, and I‘m glad to be reading it slowly. I think I‘d get caught up in all of it and miss things if I weren‘t taking it one chapter at a time. Her presentation is so easy to follow, it‘s almost mesmerizing. 3mo
AnneCecilie I think what I will remember from this chapter was the guy who asked what the difference was between him showing his friends picture of his naked girlfriend and a toaster. We have such a long way to go when that is the attitude. Another chapter where she is making me angry. 3mo
KathyWheeler @AnneCecilie seriously! Apparently we aren‘t even human! (edited) 3mo
IndoorDame @KathyWheeler @AnneCecilie sadly, I wasn‘t shocked that someone said that, but what made me the angriest about that story is not one woman in that auditorium felt like they could respond - including the writer herself! 3mo
KathyWheeler @IndoorDame I know! I feel like things are getting worse that way too. When I was in college, some guy in class said that women were better equipped to do housework then men. I scoffed at him and said, “Nothing about me having a vagina makes me better equipped than you to push a vacuum cleaner.” And I was not the only woman who said something. That was in the 70s. Now woman are letting any asshole with a stupid opinion shut them up? WTH? 3mo
ravenlee @IndoorDame @KathyWheeler maybe some of it was just bafflement - because honestly, when some asshat says there‘s no difference between a woman and an appliance where do you even start? I can see being paralyzed by the difficulty. 3mo
IndoorDame @ravenlee @KathyWheeler I‘m not sure it matters what you say so much as that you say something. Because staying silent is tacit agreement that he‘s right, and funny, and more powerful than you are. Even when you don‘t say the “perfect” thing, speaking up lets people know that you‘re not okay with the status quo. 3mo
KathyWheeler @IndoorDame @ravenlee I can understand being so completely shocked by something that you don‘t even know where to start. That said, at least a WTF would have been better than complete silence. That really bothered me — and even from the teacher. (edited) 3mo
ncsufoxes I like the flow of the book. Like others have said above I like how she relates difficult subject matter to her experiences & then provides research evidence. I remembered an incident, a guy I was seeing in college I was at his family‘s house & someone said to me “are you anorexic?” At that time I was pretty skinny & I was taken aback that someone would mention my weight. I just laughed it off & said I had good metabolism. It feels like women 3mo
ncsufoxes can‘t win. 3mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid.

Anyone else loving this book and saying yes YES a few times? I am.

Already thinking you should give this book as gift to a few people… me too 😉.

Maybe every woman…?

I particularly liked how she linked the “good girl” syndrome to oppressing an entire group‘s feeling and responses for societal power. And that kindergarten story 😠

What struck you this week?

Suet624 Darn! I need to read the first and second parts this week. It looks great. 4mo
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tenar This read definitely had me reflecting on my childhood. I lived the arc the writer described- described as “bossy” as a toddler, quieter in the school years, expressive again as a teen.
My favorite quote was in the intro, “Anger is usually about saying ‘no‘ in a world where women are conditioned to say almost anything but ‘no‘.”

If you have a physical copy- what page number is the end of the main text? My ereader says the footnotes start at 40%!
4mo
AnneCecilie I love this book which is not surprising since I bought this after reading your daily quotes a few years back. I‘m also angry which I understand after reading this isn‘t very feminine of me. What stuck me is the argument of how getting angry is the first step to change things. (edited) 4mo
MallenNC @tenar The text in my physical copy ends on page 296 and there‘s another 100 pages of notes/index. 4mo
MallenNC I have had this book on my shelf almost since it came out and I am glad to finally be reading it. I liked how she used the story of her daughter and the boy who knocked down her castle. That was a great example of how women are socialized to do anything but be angry. I thought there were echoes of Invisible Women and The Seven Necessary Sins of Women and Girls 4mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @AnneCecilie I know, and I‘m getting just as much out of it this time. It might be one that as a women I need to re-read and re-remind myself of every few years. 4mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @tenar Well we can‘t complain that it‘s not well researched! 4mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @MallenNC And how we socialize young boys that girls should continue just to build for their knocking down pleasures and whims… she keeps building everyday and she knows what will happen so she must like it or she‘d do something else, she just works for his benefit. 😒 4mo
MallenNC @Riveted_Reader_Melissa Yes! I was getting so mad for that little girl. Another thing that stood out to me in this section is that girls feel less confident in themselves after they go to school than before. That is awful. 4mo
vlwelser I love everything about this so far. I'm looking forward to digging in deeper. The google search part struck me the most. It makes you wonder who searches for these things and counts that as a win. 4mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @vlwelser If you click on the book title, one of our other readers looked up & posted CEO Barbie (with her microscopic mini) 4mo
vlwelser I saw that earlier. Who designs those? And for little girls? It's a little bit gross. 4mo
KathyWheeler I just got some insight into why I cry when I‘m angry instead of expressing my anger in a different way. I was always able to recognize that I was angry but was annoyed by the crying. 4mo
ravenlee I‘m really invested already, and have recommended it to my mother and sister. Agree with @KathyWheeler about the crying when angry. And as the parent of a daughter, that preschool story made me livid! I wanted to know what set off Chemaly‘s mother in the introduction, though. 4mo
ncsufoxes I watch my 6 year old daughter that has all the confidence in the world right now & sad to think over time that confidence will unfortunately fade. Because we know that it will take just one teacher or boy to do that, plus societies messages to girls (although I hope this changes). I never really thought about how much women are expected to suppress our anger & emotions. Whereas men that express anger is seen as a source of power. 4mo
ncsufoxes I also agree too that women are less likely to say no & we‘re also more likely to say sorry for everything. 4mo
BarbaraTheBibliophage Would you please take me off the list for the moment? I‘m super busy with a new job and just trying to manage reading obligations as a result. Thank you! 💕 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @BarbaraTheBibliophage Yes I can, and no problem. Good luck with the new job! 3mo
staci.reads @Riveted_Reader_Melissa @tenar @AnneCecilie @MallenNC @vlwelser @KathyWheeler @ravenlee @ncsufoxes I am late to the discussion and just getting caught up today, but I keep taking pictures of passages and sending them to a female colleague/friend. We're dealing with some big frustrations at work, and she's been struggling with sleep and not eating lately. ⬇️ 3mo
staci.reads Just yesterday, she said to me "I think I'm angry. I'm just so angry and I don't know what to do with it." So when I opened up this today and started it, it was a revelation! I was moved by the line, "Anger is like water. No matter how hard a person tries to dam, divert, or deny it, it will find a way, usually along the path of least resistance... Women often 'feel' their anger in their bodies." 3mo
staci.reads I also loved "when we call our anger sadness instead of anger, we often fail to acknowledge what is wrong, specifically in a way that discourages us from imagining and pursuing change. Sadness, as an emotion, is paired with acceptance. Anger, on the other hand, invokes the possibility of change and of fighting back." 3mo
KathyWheeler @staci.reads I love the “anger is like water” quote. 3mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @staci.reads I loved that part too, tell her to read this book…she needs it too (I think we all do), we‘ve been socialized into being the good girl so long, we can‘t even see our own angry (or we deny it). 3mo
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Why would you ban a graphic novel about the holocaust redone as mice & cats. How much more sanitized could they make that story? It‘s history, and MANY children lived through it firsthand, if they can survive it, I‘m sure our children can survive reading a graphic novel with mice about it. 🙄

Welcome to the Banned Book Club Maus! May the publicity of this stupidity cause your book to be bought & read in record numbers.
#BannedBooks

TheBookHippie ✊🏼✊🏼✊🏼 I love a good book buying protest!! 4mo
LibrarianRyan Even though I've read them, I promised Josh I would buy a set and put it inthe little library. 4mo
JamieArc I mean, are they dressing their pet mice in clothes? What‘s the harm? (Obviously we know it‘s not about the actual issues they cite). [shakes head in disgust] 4mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa @JamieArc exactly…but yes the mice are dressed, just like people, but apparently if a mouse is topless, it‘s too much for them. What always gets me about these type of bans is actual children had to go through this and see it, and only some survived it, and many adults turned away….but now our children are too precious to see mouse reenactments. 🙄🤦‍♀️ 4mo
Suet624 Such small minded people. 4mo
megnews @Riveted_Reader_Melissa that‘s always my argument too. Lots of people try to ban books on slavery and kids lived through that. If kids can live through it, other kids can read about it. 4mo
Tamra Ugh 🙄 Don‘t “they” realize the best advertisement and enticement to read something is by banning it??! Dumb on more than one level. 4mo
ravenlee Yes, children are too fragile to face a topless cartoon mouse (did I seriously have to write that sentence?), but the atrocities of the Holocaust are nothing. I mean, obviously the goal is *not* to teach/learn about the ugliness of human history at all, but we can‘t just come out and SAY that… 4mo
mandarchy Have you seen the Krause list yet? 850 anti-racist and LGBTQ inclusive books being removed from Texas libraries. It's a disgrace. 4mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @mandarchy no I haven‘t! That‘s just sad & you‘re right disgraceful 4mo
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Here you go @BookwormAHN , here‘s the base background I‘ve been using. But please don‘t feel tied to it you feel inspired.

#StarWarsBuddyRead

Riveted_Reader_Melissa If you need anything else or without the header/footer, just let me know 4mo
BookwormAHN Okay, Thanks 😺 4mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @BookwormAHN I‘m so excited for you!!! 4mo
BookwormAHN Your welcome! 4mo
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#StarWarsBuddyRead

This is our slate of new releases for this year, but I‘m finding myself not in a Star Wars frame of mind at the moment. Would anyone else be interested in taking over this reading group & posts?

CrowCAH Sorry @Riveted_Reader_Melissa unfortunately I can‘t take on the extra responsibility. I hope you‘re doing well! 4mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @CrowCAH I‘m fine, just in a reading rut, and I desperately need to free up time to read something in a different vein for awhile. I‘m almost finished with Discworld so I‘m going to stick with that one, I‘m dropping Star Wars, Shakespeare, and Tolkien … one a month was great until it became a lot of men writing similar stuff. I really need to mix it up a bit I think. Make some room for some new authors & new worlds if that makes sense. 4mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa @CrowCAH I have new releases from last year that I haven‘t even started yet because I got bogged down in too many group reads. 😂 4mo
BookwormAHN I'll do it. I've never taken over one so any tips would be helpful but as Star Wars obsessed as my reading has been I'm up for it 😺 4mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @BookwormAHN Yay! I was hoping someone was up for it. I hate for it to end just because my reading needs a shift. You can copy the tag list above for our group, you can keep the main tag unless you think of a better one. I just used the same backgrounds & updated the selections, if you want, I can post the blank ones for you or you can make your own. Anything I can give you to help get you started, just let me know. But please have fun with⤵️ 4mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @BookwormAHN it and make it your own. Enthusiasm and Star Wars obsessed is just what the group needs, and those are really the only requirements. (edited) 4mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @BookwormAHN Otherwise we were just going in release order of new canon, but you can shift that up any way you want. 4mo
BookwormAHN Okay great and yes if you could post a blank one I'll start with that and then see what I like. 4mo
CrowCAH @Riveted_Reader_Melissa Understanable. That‘s why I can only do one in person book club and read one of those books every other month, so I can read other books that interest me. 4mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @CrowCAH both the benefit and downfall of Litsy, too many great reading groups. But hey, I read all the new canon up until now and managed to finish all the Histories of Middle Earth, and over 3/4 of Shakespeare‘s plays before I burned out of them. Still a great accomplishment for me, but it‘s time to mix it up a bit. 4mo
NovelGirl82 I‘m so behind because of school last year I‘ll probably burn out by the time I catch up, but we‘ll see I guess! 4mo
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The Welcoming | Nora Roberts
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My friend finally joined Litsy! Yay and welcome @CarolinaDE

DrexEdit Welcome @CarolinaDE! I'm going to follow you because I also love the First Law series! I never thought I would sympathize with a torturer! 🙂 4mo
JessClark78 Welcome to Litsy! @CarolinaDE 🙂📚 4mo
LeahBergen Hello, @CarolinaDE ! 👋🏻 4mo
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Ruthiella Welcome to Litsy @CarolinaDE 😃 4mo
Bookzombie Welcome to Litsy! @CarolinaDE 4mo
CarolinaDE Hello everyone, nice meeting you @DrexEdit , @JessClark78 , @LeahBergen, @Ruthiella , @Bookzombie ! Looking forward to get inspired by your book reviews and suggestions! Thank you so much@Riveted_Reader_Melissa for introducing me to Litsy ❤️. 4mo
Ddzmini Welcome to Litsy 📖🤗 4mo
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Up next for #SheSaid Rage Becomes Her!

Here is the schedule, see you all soon!

Suet624 I just looked in my library catalog for Rage Becomes Her. The first listing that popped up was Little Women. :) 4mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa @kspenmoll do you want me to take you off the tag list, or leave you on for now? 4mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Suet624 That‘s funny! 4mo
tenar Looking forward to it. Thank you for running our club, Melissa! 4mo
MallenNC I‘ve got my copy ready! Thanks for providing the schedule. 4mo
mandarchy Thank you for including me. I may not read every book shared here, but it's nice to have them on my radar. I started Rage becomes her a little early and I think it's important that women read it together. 4mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @mandarchy It‘s so good and really makes you think. 4mo
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The last discussion for this one #SheSaid. I‘ll try to get the schedule together & up for our next book later today.

I know the reviews on this book were mixed, but Ida Wells was fascinating, any interest in reading her longer biography Ida:A Sword Among Lions (tagged below). And if so is it something you might be interested in reading as a group? If there is enough interest, I could just add it to the end of our current reading list?

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IndoorDame I‘m definitely interested in learning about her more in depth. I‘d be all for making that biography one of our groups reads. 4mo
vlwelser I'm also game for a better Ida biography. 4mo
Julsmarshall I didn‘t get to this one but that biography sounds interesting! 4mo
vlwelser Regarding this book, it's a cute little intro. I didn't get a whole lot out of it tbh. I got a used library copy and it's tempting to take it apart and make a collage. Or bookmarks. Or something along those lines. The pictures are great. 4mo
MallenNC I‘d be up for reading the biography. I wanted more of her actual writings and the different work she did. That got lost in this one among all the legacy connections. Which are valid, but that wasn‘t what I expected based on the description. 4mo
KathyWheeler I would be interested in reading the biography you mentioned. This book was pretty disappointing. 4mo
BarbaraTheBibliophage I‘d like to read the … ahem … 800+ page biography of Ms. Wells-Barnett. Sounds considerably more in depth than Duster‘s book. I didn‘t hate Ida B the Queen but it was even less detail than Vanguard. Such a tease … 😝 4mo
ravenlee Wow, that‘s a chunkster, but I‘m game to try at some point. Biography isn‘t one of my usual genres, but Wells is a fascinating figure and deserves more attention. 4mo
ravenlee I‘m also interested in another Giddings book, though it seems to cover similar territory to Vanguard. Anyone read it yet? 4mo
tenar I‘m up for the big one! I don‘t know if I‘d normally say that, but after how interested Vanguard got me and since it‘s about the great Ida, I‘m excited. @ravenlee That book also looks fabulous. Looks like it might cover a wider time period than Vanguard. Going on the TBR! 4mo
mhillis I would be interested in reading another book about her life! I also found this one which is not about her, but about social justice and written by members of the Echoing Ida collective 4mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @BarbaraTheBibliophage If we do add it, it would definitely be over more than 1 month 😂 4mo
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