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#SheSaid
review
DebinHawaii
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Pickpick

#ReadAway2024 #FabulousFebruary #20in4 #readathon

We actually have another week to read the final section for #SheSaid but I need to get my library copy back so I finished it. Having recently read/reread a couple of Brown‘s books for work leadership classes & Burke‘s Unbound for #SheSaid in September I was very interested in reading this book of essays on shame by Black cultural figures, writers, activists, etc. it‘s moving, powerful & while ⬇️

DebinHawaii …not every essay struck as deeply for me or was as relatable, I learned from each of them & they made me think hard about my privilege & the need to act as a better ally for those who are marginalized. Tarana Burke put it well in the end: “You deserve safety, you deserve protection, you deserve love, you deserve peace. Breathe, beloved. Let's do it together, right now.” 1d
DieAReader 🥳Great 23h
Andrew65 Brilliant 🎉🎉🎉 6h
52 likes3 comments
blurb
Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid!

How are you doing this weekend?

Riveted_Reader_Melissa I‘m helping with homework today 😂… So I‘ll catch up on the comments when I get a chance later. I‘m still finding this book very relatable, even if I was not its intended audience. Which to me highlights how universal some of the themes are, even when it is highlighting a specific group that often does not get recognized…. Or maybe more gets downplayed by society as not having yet another of one of those very human qualities. So getting a ⤵️ 3d
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ lot from it, but trying to remember and take in the message too. That just like the “Strong Black Woman” can hide that Black Woman have pain too and lead it to be untreated or taken seriously and therefore bad hospital outcomes for normal things like childbirth. Take what I can personally, but also remember the bigger message here. 3d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa I wish it was something we‘d get past as a society…that some humans are not seen as human yet..still…ever….but we are so very far from that. 3d
CatLass007 Your last comment is achingly true. 3d
staci.reads @Riveted_Reader_Melissa Good points. The essays in this section held less personal connections for me. This was a reminder that it was time to sit back, listen, and learn. 2d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @staci.reads it‘s odd, but after I wrote this I saw two things that reflected it back to me…one was a special about diabetes….and losing limbs to it…. Again, relatable, my grandfather had the sane happen. But the story was specifically about African Americans who are more likely to have limbs amputated from diabetes than others….why? Again like maternity deaths..race played a huge role. From being untrusting of doctors and shots (like insulin)⤵️ 2d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa …from decades of bad science practiced on African Americans in this country, to the amputate and send them home, so not lots of time and effort on the medical fields end…besides other treatments take time & money.🙄 which basically is assuming a group of the population isn‘t worth the time, assumes they won‘t follow through, or that they can‘t afford it. Again, relatable.. but much deeper issues that are not about and go way beyond the parts I ⤵️ 2d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ Find relatable. So listen & learn, and not just think ‘oh yea, my grandfather too…same‘ (edited) 2d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa The other was about the current case against Fani Willis, the DA in a case against Trump for election interference that now is on trial for improperly dating the prosecutor. Someone had posted a link to an article on it on an earlier thread for this book, but the initial..‘yea, women are judged different…same‘ thought, needed to give way to the others discussing how hard it is for Black Women especially and especially on this case. ⤵️ 2d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ some of the allegation was financial benefit… but this show talked about how the Doxing and threats started very early on because of that other case, which means she often paid in cash for things, just so people couldn‘t track her to stalk her/picket her/protest her/or worse…and even her father testifying how he taught her from a young age to keep a safe box and keep cash, because you never knew when your money could be kept or taken from you⤵️ 2d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ your cards not accepted here, just because. He was very interesting to listen to. So again, so many more factors than you realize at first glance….if you listen long enough and pay attention. 2d
DebinHawaii @staci.reads I love how you put this. It‘s how I felt about this section too. 1d
29 likes14 comments
review
squirrelbrain
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Pickpick

My first book finished from the Women‘s Prize for NF long list, although I‘m in the throes of reading most of the rest at the same time! 😃

I really struggled with the style of this at the start and had to keep re-reading to digest what was being said, although most of it was fascinating information once I processed it, hence the pick.

The biggest issue I had was the stating as fact, things that could only be conjecture. For example ⬇️

squirrelbrain
Asserting that the spelling of ‘handfull‘ of peanuts in the embroidery showed that Ruth was highlighting a ‘feat of plenty‘ when maybe it was just a spelling mistake.
Also, when talking about the pecans, saying that they likely weren‘t pecans, due to the difficulty and expense of getting hold of them, but then going on to describe in detail and as fact how Rose would have got hold of them, what she cooked with them etc
5d
squirrelbrain Having said that, I did value the asides of other enslaved people where we *did* have documentary evidence, and the descriptions of life in Charleston. I just wonder if the lack of information about this object and the lineage of the family meant it was the wrong choice to base a whole book upon. 5d
squirrelbrain On reading other reviews, from #shesaid Littens, I‘m glad it wasn‘t just me - on first glance I thought it was an #unpopularopinion as it has 100% on here but, actually, many of us felt the same about the style. 5d
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BarbaraBB Great review. Very thoughtful. Good luck with reading all others 😀 5d
youneverarrived That is a bugbear of mine in non-fiction 🙈 great review! 🩵 5d
batsy Thanks for the thoughtful review! It is the kind of thing that can usually put me off nonfiction. 5d
squirrelbrain Thank you @BarbaraBB @youneverarrived @batsy - I struggled to explain my thoughts so I‘m glad that you found my review useful. 5d
TheKidUpstairs I tried reading this one a year ago and had difficulty with the style, too. I was reading an e-book, so I put it aside and decided to try again in another format. I'm on hold now for the audio. Hopefully, that will work better. 2d
squirrelbrain I get the feeling that the audio might be better @TheKidUpstairs - I hope so! 🤞 1d
Hooked_on_books Good point about the conjecture bit. For me it worked in this particular instance (it often doesn‘t) because of the deep research she did and the loss of so many stories of enslaved people by virtue of how they were treated, requiring some conjecture to fully flesh out their lives. I felt she was trying to honor their experiences with great care and tenderness. 1d
squirrelbrain @Hooked_on_books - thank you - you‘ve made me see this in a different light. 21h
Hooked_on_books I‘m really glad! I think there are some wonderful black female historians in particular who are really trying to bring forward the lived experiences of enslaved people and help all of us to understand better. Miles is one of them. Imani Perry is another. I‘m so glad I‘ve read theirs and others‘ books. I think it‘s helped me grow. 20h
73 likes12 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid!

I hope you are having a good weekend and enjoying these essays by different authors. Some are so very powerful and relatable.

See you in the comments!

Riveted_Reader_Melissa Anyone else thinking of adding Brené Brown to their reading list…as a bunch of essays refer to her work/writing. (edited) 1w
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CatLass007 Brene Brown has been on my radar for the last several months. Because of this book she‘s moved way up on my priority list. If anyone is familiar with her writing, I‘d love some guidance about to read first. 1w
willaful I'm really enjoying the essays. As a fat woman, I relate a lot to the mistrust around medical care, and I enjoyed the free use of the word “crazy,“ because I've trained myself not to use terms other people find disparaging but honestly, crazy is a really meaningful word. 1w
Singout I‘m totally behind, but as a Christian could totally relate to “Love Lifted Me” Not so much from the experience of personal shame, but the description of how Christian cultural groups can have a huge influence on members of their community. The last few sentences about how much better we could do really inspired me. 1w
DebinHawaii @CatLass007 I would start with either The Gifts of Imperfection or Daring Greatly although I am working my way through Atlas of the Heart right now & it‘s also very good. 1w
DebinHawaii I am enjoying the essays as well. I thought Marc Lamont Hill‘s point was very powerful: “It‘s not enough for me to just not be homophobic. I cannot be friends with homophobes. I have to actually be willing to divest myself from relationships that are unhealthy. We all do.” And I really liked The Blues of Vulnerability” too—about making the space to listen to younger people as how we transform & change the world. 1w
CatLass007 @DebinHawaii Thank you.😘 I know there are many who think we shouldn‘t end friendships for “political” reasons. But I have divested myself from relationships because of moral reasons. It‘s not easy but do I really want to be friends with the cousin who thinks that Abraham Lincoln shouldn‘t have started the Civil War and he ruined the country? (edited) 1w
staci.reads @CatLass007 I would recommend Dare to Lead as well 1w
CatLass007 @staci.reads Thank you! 1w
staci.reads In Love Lifted Me, I highlighted "And the sad part is, some of us have so internalized such a skewed and distorted version of our faith tradition that we perpetuate this kind of emotional and spiritual violence on other women. To the point where men no longer have to be the enactors." Across the board, women have to be better at not harming other women with our internalized patriarchial biases. 1w
staci.reads I also appreciated Marc Lamotte Hill calling out men's "expressions of masculine rage" as emotion too and calling out that double standard, highlighting that "as long as our only legible emotion is anger, we are never shamed like women are for their emotions." 1w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @DebinHawaii Yes! It took me a long time to get there, especially with relatives that I for some reason thought I could not cut out…but eventually I realized that being quiet made them think I agreed, and pushing back with facts did no good, so not hanging around them was the best for all involved. They can be close-minded and bitter without me, I don‘t need it in my life. 🤷‍♀️ 7d
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @willaful Yes, I‘m finding a lot of this relatable as just a woman myself…not to mention all the other labels people seem to discriminate against. 7d
willaful @staci.reads Oh very true. Women can be excellent tools of the patriarchy. 7d
37 likes17 comments
quote
Singout

One day, when I am old and gray, with whitish blue rings around my failing eyes…I won‘t only have to reach up for my peace, but I‘ll be able to reach out, to a faith community that values my mental, physical, and emotional safety over just my survival. Love absolutely, will lift us but there are generations of Nanas, mamas, and baby girls looking for something else to help out. The church has so much more than shame to give us. #SheSaid

9 likes1 stack add
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Singout

The shift that needs to happen is the one that aligns with the Gospel the most: embracing mystery leaves room for our own mysterious emotional responses, and allows love to fill us up in ways that our certain faith never could…This is why the binaries of certainty: “do this and go to heaven, don‘t do this, and go to hell,” are so problematic.
Tracey Michae‘l Lewis-Giggetts
#SheSaid

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CatLass007
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#SheSaid I‘m listening to the section we will be discussing tomorrow and took a news break. I wasn‘t looking for anything in particular, I just wanted to scroll through the news. This article about Fani Willis reminded me of what Anita Hill was put through during the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings. https://abcnews.go.com/amp/US/wireStory/fani-willis-testimony-evokes-long-standi...

CatLass007 Have we as a nation made any progress in all this time? 2w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa No, it sadly hasn‘t. I watched part of it on CourtTV and found myself thinking she was prosecuting and being persecuted for a consensual adult relationship…while the man her real legal case is against has had multiple illegal adult relationships including rape & slandering the survivor to porn stars AND playboy bunnies and paying them off to keep it quiet while he was married. But hey, he‘s a rich white guy so everyone goes 🤷‍♀️, but a lady ⤵️ 1w
Riveted_Reader_Melissa ↪️ having an adult relationship 😱 1w
40 likes4 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
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Hello #SheSaid!

I hope your weekend is going well….and I hope you are all enjoying this one. See you in the comments ⤵️

Riveted_Reader_Melissa I‘m “liking” this book. It can be raw, but I really appreciate that. Sometimes the things we keep to ourselves to be strong, are the things we need to share to be human. 2w
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CatLass007 This is a book I would encourage any Black woman to read. I would encourage anyone who has experienced trauma and has experienced shame because of the trauma, to read it. And probably people who provide therapy or counseling. (edited) 2w
staci.reads This has been a great read so far. "We often carry our trama in similar ways, but the roads that led us to the trauma are all so different. We must pay attention to that road. That road is our humanity." What a great passage to help introduce the purpose of the collection of essays! 2w
staci.reads I loved Jason Reynolds's essay. The parallel stories of his grandfather and his mother's hospitalizations and the oak tree metaphors really worked for me. His mother sounds like an amazing woman. 2w
staci.reads I really connected with Channing Brown's essay, too. The discussion of "foreboding joy" felt personal to me, but the next level, the increased awareness the "level of apprehension" [for Black people] "that isn't wrought from an uneasy feeling of undeservedness, but from the knowledge that racism is a silent stalker always willing to wring joy from our lives." Just powerfully stated. 2w
staci.reads Hemphill's piece was filled with highlights for me as well. "It is necessary for your safety that you've know what this world finds dangerous about you." "This country has made a practice of denying the existence of trauma in Black bodies and communities and also denying its own role, ultimately, in traumatizing us." Just a couple that stood out. 2w
DebinHawaii @staci.reads I wrote down that quote on trauma & the roads that led us there too. Very powerful. 2w
DebinHawaii Having read a lot of Brene‘ Brown, her concept of “foreboding joy” has always resonated with me so I found Channing Brown‘s essay especially powerful. 2w
DebinHawaii @Riveted_Reader_Melissa I am liking it too. Very powerful and raw. 2w
Singout I started this two weeks ago, and I‘m listening to it as audios, so it‘s to remember what came from which author, but I am really finding it valuable. Laymon really resonated with me; I found the last one in the set important, but a bit too dense to follow in audio. I loved the passionate and honest dialogue between Tarana Burke and Brené Brown at the beginning. 2w
CatLass007 I like the introduction to new-to-me writers. I‘ve added several to my Audible wish list and now that I have my new glasses I‘m thinking about which books would work better in print. The authors have put a lot of “bang” into these brief essays. 2w
MallenNC I am liking this one too. I haven‘t ever actually read Brene Brown (no reason, I just haven‘t) and was kind of curious about her involvement here so I‘m glad she and Tarana Burke included their conversation in the intro. 2w
32 likes2 stack adds14 comments
quote
Singout

It took two minutes on Google for me to understand that I‘d been having“panic attacks.” I couldn‘t understand why the doctors looked at my tucked-in shirts, heard my fake accent, and still refused to do anything other than treat me like a n*. That‘s crazy. My problem, I guess, is that I don‘t think being crazy should stop us from being compassionate and actively regretful about structural or interpersonal harm we‘ve caused. #SheSaid

CatLass007 I‘m looking forward to beginning our discussion of this book tomorrow. Nope, it‘s after midnight, so we‘ll be discussing it today. 3w
9 likes1 comment
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DebinHawaii
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Mini #LibraryHaul yesterday. I picked up my hold of the tagged book for #SheSaid as I thought it started today. (It‘s next week 2/11).🤦🏻‍♀️ I‘ve been wanting to read T. Kingfisher‘s What Moves the Dead (in my Feb #TBR) & saw their Thorn Hedge which looks short & good. Finally I sweet-talked my fave librarian to get me a jump on the hold line for the Haven‘s Rock #2 book which comes out 2/20 & isn‘t available for hold yet at my library. Since ⬇️

DebinHawaii …it‘s going on their February order which doesn‘t place until mid-month, it‘s doubtful it will arrive until March so I may just end up using an Audible credit laying about & get it on it‘s release. But I got to be first on the list, had a good education on the inner-workings of library ordering, & bonded over which Pride and Prejudice movie/tv adaptation is best, so time well spent! 😉 #lovelibrarians 3w
54 likes1 comment