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The Tender Bar
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
The New York Times bestseller and one of the 100 Most Notable Books of 2005. In the tradition of This Boy's Life and The Liar's Club, a raucous, poignant, luminously written memoir about a boy striving to become a man, and his romance with a bar. J.R. Moehringer grew up captivated by a voice. It was the voice of his father, a New York City disc jockey who vanished before J.R. spoke his first word. Sitting on the stoop, pressing an ear to the radio, J.R. would strain to hear in that plummy baritone the secrets of masculinity and identity. Though J.R.'s mother was his world, his rock, he craved something more, something faintly and hauntingly audible only in The Voice. At eight years old, suddenly unable to find The Voice on the radio, J.R. turned in desperation to the bar on the corner, where he found a rousing chorus of new voices. The alphas along the bar--including J.R.'s Uncle Charlie, a Humphrey Bogart look-alike; Colt, a Yogi Bear sound-alike; and Joey D, a softhearted brawler--took J.R. to the beach, to ballgames, and ultimately into their circle. They taught J.R., tended him, and provided a kind of fathering-by-committee. Torn between the stirring example of his mother and the lurid romance of the bar, J.R. tried to forge a self somewhere in the center. But when it was time for J.R. to leave home, the bar became an increasingly seductive sanctuary, a place to return and regroup during his picaresque journeys. Time and again the bar offered shelter from failure, rejection, heartbreak--and eventually from reality. In the grand tradition of landmark memoirs, The Tender Bar is suspenseful, wrenching, and achingly funny. A classic American story of self-invention and escape, of the fierce love between a single mother and an only son, it's also a moving portrait of one boy's struggle to become a man, and an unforgettable depiction of how men remain, at heart, lost boys.
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LauraBeth
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Dudes “reading“...

TrishB All these people changing their profile pics ❤️ lovely 2w
vivastory Like the new profile pic! 2w
See All 13 Comments
MicheleinPhilly Jorge has really hairy arms. 2w
LauraBeth @MicheleinPhilly honestly, he sheds worse than Bitsy... 2w
LauraBeth @vivastory and @TrishB thanks 😊 I was overdue for a new pic 2w
LauraBeth @Bibliogeekery 😂🍻💻📱 2w
LeahBergen I thought those were your arms. I was going to recommend sugaring. 😉 2w
LauraBeth @LeahBergen the only good genetics my parents passed down to me was no forearm hair 😂 2w
Cinfhen Love this! 2w
MicheleinPhilly @LeahBergen 😂😂😂 “Who sent me an Epilady?” 2w
LeahBergen @MicheleinPhilly 😂😂 😂😂 2w
97 likes13 comments
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Hollie
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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I have a thing for books set in #NewYork. #letstravelaugust

Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks I see a bookmark in The Chelsea Girls!! How is it?! 💗💗 2mo
Hollie @Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks so far so good! I‘m hoping to move that bookmark a bit further this afternoon 😍 2mo
OriginalCyn620 Me too! ❤️🗽 2mo
37 likes1 stack add4 comments
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Well-ReadNeck
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Julie548
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
Pickpick

In an effort to clean out, I decided to try to read only books I own this year. TRY being the key word there...I‘m sure I will fail miserably!! And won‘t be too upset about it! 😂

@WriterAtHeart @Melismatic @TheReadingMermaid
This is my pick for this non-fiction cycle!

Julie548 And The Death of Mrs. Westaway will be mailed on Monday!! 4mo
Melismatic @Julie548 I received the book - thanks!! @TheReadingMermaid I‘m sending out Rose Red & my nonfiction pick together on Saturday morning. 🤗 4mo
TheReadingMermaid @Melismatic thank you so much sweetheart! 4mo
4 likes3 comments
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Buechersuechtling
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Quote 2 of two “quotes“ I promised in my review:

Already in young years JR adopts a useful and witty mantra (I think from his mother) which I would like to keep in mind for further smaller and bigger times of trouble in my own life:

“I will not worry about something that won‘t happen.”

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Buechersuechtling
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Quote 1 of two “quotes“ I promised in my review:

JR‘s mother once tells him she has an “affair” with the truth and that sometimes that “affair” requires, like in all relationships do, the will to compromise. Lies, so is her attitude, are no bigger sin than to turn the volume of the radio down to protect him, JR, from the voice of his father that comes out of the loudspeaker.

By doing this his mother only turns the truth a little bit lower.

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Buechersuechtling
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Mehso-so

The blurb: A lie. It‘s no book about a boy growing up in a bar. I feel betrayed. As well because what forms the protagonist never ever is his time at the bar – even if he makes his audience believe so.

Apart from two „quotes“ I will post hereafter I won‘t keep much of the book in mind. Technically it‘s well done and that species of „barstoolers“ seems well portrayed, too.

But I resent the wrong expectations created by the marketing department.

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Buechersuechtling
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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The story reminds me of Elizabeth Strout‘s „Das Leben, natürlich“ which is also told slowly and has no real suspense curve. That alone doesn‘t matter to me but I can‘t get rid of the impression that the real important things that happened to JR in his own retrospective – which this book is although it took me long to notice this – are not given the significance they actually have had for him and his life. This he hides between the lines. ?

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Buechersuechtling
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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How to have a sleepless night professionally:

1) Turn on your audiobook
2) Set a sleep timer
3) Listen
4) Fall asleep while listening, as intended
5) Wake up when the sleep timer has counted down and the “noise” stops
6) Start again with 1).

Buuuut – by using this method I got ahead with the story quite well.

Meanwhile it has lost some intensity. It does not really drag but it also has no suspense curve.

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Buechersuechtling
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Dropping into bed real tired. 😴 That‘s why I prefer a few minutes of this to “Infernale” although I came home skimming immediately for my ebook. Only to change my mind minutes later. 🤷🏽‍♀️

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Buechersuechtling
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Apart from that unlikely richness of details I really like it. It‘s, intendedly, I suppose, a kind of “boy‘s-book”. To me as a woman those wannabes whose only purpose in life seems to be hanging on barstools are not very attractive …

But I can understand why the lack of male idols pulls the boy almost magnetically towards them. In this aspect the book is well written although I cannot quite follow his prompt fascination for the “Dicken‘s”.

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Buechersuechtling
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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I am not informed well enough to judge if this is supposed to be one of those “great big US-American social novels”. Anyway, it‘s the first time I really realise how unrealistic such (coming of age) stories sometimes are. I mean, I can‘t remember so many detailed passages of my life between the age of seven and nine years. Can you❓

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Buechersuechtling
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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? „And then she asks me, »Do you feel all right?«
And I say, »Yes, I feel wonderful tonight«" ?

This line fits picture perfect on so many little occasions. Thanks Mr. Slowhand. ?

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Buechersuechtling
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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I am a bit on the fence.

I waver between keep on reading my book or – of course – put this morning‘s word into action and listen to my audiobook. #Booknerdproblems

As the first part of my book just ended, I think I‘ll take the opportunity to switch mediums.

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Buechersuechtling
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Goal for today: Call it a night early and finally notably proceed with this one.

I am still convinced it will do great as an audiobook because I like the plot setting. But to really find a “valid” opinion it would be great to make more progress than 10 minutes here and there. 🤷🏽‍♀️

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Buechersuechtling
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Sleepless. The last three days completely crashed my day-night-routine.

So I‘ll figure out if I remember enough of the story so far to find back in.

À propos, I‘d have an alarm clock ⏰ that will go off in a few hours time. Anybody interested in giving it a temporary home❓? Let‘s say – until the end of March❓?

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Buechersuechtling
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Having a real hard time the day before Christmas Eve.

Watching the ones you love suffer huge pain and not being able to help is 🤐. Not sure if the medication prescribed by standby duty 👩🏽‍⚕️ helps. 🥴

I am nervous and uneasy and don‘t dare to sleep. That‘s why I chose this audiobook. I feel really bad. I am not very religious but if prayers ever helped I will be heart-felt thankful for everybody willing to send good wishes for health.

Sarah83 Wer ist denn so krank? 9mo
Buechersuechtling Im Moment irgendwie alle. Meine Mutter hat starke Schmerzen, mein Vater ist gestürzt. Heute ist der erste Tag, der etwas Weihnachtliches für mich hat. 9mo
Sarah83 Na super. Geht es den beiden jetzt ein wenig besser? 9mo
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Buechersuechtling @Sarah83 Meinem Vater geht es ganz okay, auf meine Mutter müssen wir etwas achtgeben. Aber ihre Schmerzen haben nachgelassen. Die Schmerzmittel wirken. Das ist gut. 9mo
Sarah83 Wenigstens etwas 😏 9mo
Buechersuechtling @Sarah83 Ja. Wir sind darüber auch sehr froh. Trotzdem stehen Veränderungen an. Das nächste Jahr wird kein leichtes. 9mo
5 likes6 comments
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Hollie
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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I‘m a day behind, but I loved the idea of #adventrecommends so I‘m doing a two-for today! A Tree Grows in Brooklyn is my all time favorite and The Tender Bar is right up there. I love New York settings so much!

Amiable Oh, I loved both of these books. Great picks! 10mo
56 likes1 stack add2 comments
review
Lvbooms
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
Mehso-so

Pretty good.

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Hollie
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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#spotlightgiveaway

A book I think needs to be in the spotlight for more Littens to read is The Tender Bar. It is an all-time favorite that I have read at least 3x. It‘s a poignant coming of age story dealing with masculinity, drinking, New York, and best of all...BOOKS! I love it, and know that littens will, too!

Congrats, @BarbaraBB on your milestone!

BarbaraBB Thank you for entering and for sharing this new-to-me title. It really sounds good! 14mo
Reggie This sounds pretty good. 13mo
Hollie @Reggie the writing is gorgeous 13mo
BookishTrish You are the second person to recommend this recently 13mo
Hollie @bookishtrish its so good! 13mo
53 likes5 stack adds5 comments
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Hollie
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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These are just a few of my #unforgettable books. Though I don‘t have the print copies handy at the moment for a photo, I would add A Man Called Ove, Between Shades of Gray, and The Nightingale to this list. #decdays

Cinfhen My copy of A Tree Grows In Brooklyn arrived yesterday... it's a bit #chunky looking 😳 2y
Cinfhen These sound awesome! Stacking!!! Tender Bar & 2y
britt_brooke I‘m reading Evelyn Hugo right now and I‘m having trouble putting it down! #booknerdproblems (edited) 2y
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Hollie @Cinfhen it is such a lovely book. I hope you love it! Stick it next to The Heart‘s Invisible Furies and it will look much less chunky. 😉 2y
Hollie @Cinfhen We Got the Water is incredible. It blew me away even before I got to know the author‘s dad, who is the sweetest old man I‘ve ever met. He emailed me a couple weeks ago to thank me for being his friend and I cried 😢 2y
Hollie @britt_brooke I had that same problem!! 2y
erinreads Great choices! A Tree Grows in Brooklyn is one of my favorite books ever! Probably due for a reread soon. 💕 2y
Hollie @erinreads it is my all time favorite. I love rereading it, too! 2y
Cinfhen Awwww, now I really need to find that book and read it. I remember you organized an event around that book.....and that‘s when I originally stacked it ❣️ 2y
SilversReviews Good books here. 2y
Centique @Cinfhen @Hollie I think C will love A Tree Grows in Brooklyn too. It‘s wonderful 😍 2y
Cinfhen Thanks @Centique @Hollie it's on my list for #2018!!!!! 🤞🏼🤞🏼 2y
61 likes1 stack add13 comments
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Hollie
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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"While I fear that we're drawn to what abandons us, and to what seems most likely to abandon us, in the end I believe we're defined by what embraces us."

One of my favorite #quotable books. #spookyoctober

SheReadsAndWrites I loved this book ♥️ 2y
Hollie @SheReadsAndWrites I wish he‘d write another one. I also enjoyed 2y
37 likes2 stack adds2 comments
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Hollie
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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I ordered this #signed book and the bookseller sent me one that was not signed. When I complained they just said "you can send the book back." That's it. Just that. They didn't even address me in the email. So, after another email about how that didn't solve the problem of me not getting what I ordered, they have finally sent me this. Poor customer service, but I am happy to put this on my shelf!

BkClubCare Goodness, why do people think good customer service is work? It is the WAY. 2y
Hollie @BkClubCare I know, right! They could have at least started with "Dear Hollie" and "we're sorry we sent the wrong book." 2y
BkClubCare I just had THE best customer service from the scheduler of my cleaning service and I was almost embarrassed at how much I told her I appreciated her. Unfortunately, she wasn't one of the cleaning team... subpar cleaning but they sure helped me out on schedule!!! Ha 2y
SheReadsAndWrites I LOVED that book. ♥️ 2y
Hollie @SheReadsAndWrites it's one of my all-time favorites! 2y
30 likes1 stack add5 comments
quote
naomiiacoponi
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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DebinHawaii 🐶❤️ 2y
Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks Cutie 😊🐶 2y
5 likes2 comments
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naomiiacoponi
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Ci andavamo per ogni nostro bisogno. Quando avevamo sete, naturalmente, e fame, e quand'eravamo stanchi morti. Ci andavamo se eravamo felici, per festeggiare, e quand'eravamo tristi, per tenere il broncio. #thetenderbar

DebinHawaii Welcome to Litsy! 🎉📚👍😀 2y
3 likes1 stack add1 comment
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Hollie
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Growing up with an absent father, JR learned to be a man from a group of surrogate #fathers at the bar where his Uncle Charlie worked in Manhasset, NY. This coming of age story is beautifully written, poignant, and memorable. Since JR grew up to be a writer, it is also full of bookish moments as well. It is one of my all-time favorites. #junebookbugs

Riveted_Reader_Melissa Sounds very good! 2y
43 likes4 stack adds2 comments
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RanaElizabeth
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Waiting on a new friend, drinking a delicious g&t, and swooning over the language in this book. Living the dream.

59 likes3 stack adds
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RanaElizabeth
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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This book has been with me for almost ten years, three states, and five moves. Better late than never on finally starting it, right? Am only about ten pages in and I am already in love. I just really dig the "regular person memoir" genre.

LauraBeth I love this book.I read it when it first came out and I was just thinking about it the other day 2y
MicheleinPhilly I FLURVE this book! 2y
RanaElizabeth @LauraBeth @MicheleinPhilly Glad to hear! I knew I was holding onto it for a reason! 2y
53 likes1 stack add3 comments
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Hollie
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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#readjanuary #publishedinthe2000s
I've had TWO exes in two days text me out of the clear blue, both asking for book recs. I blame the full moon/icepocolypse. I recommended this for both men, for different reasons. It's compelling and amazing, but one of these men grew up w/o a bio dad and has a drinking problem, so it has messages he can relate to. The writing is very masculine, but also beautiful. I may need to re-read again!

Suzze I remember how popular this was when it came out, so a few years ago I bought the Ebook when it was cheap. Still haven't read it. But it sounds good! 😜 3y
Hollie @Suzze I've read it twice, it's so good. Probably in my top 2. You should read it when you get the chance! 3y
Jas16 Really liked this one too and immediately sent a copy to my brother when I finished it. 3y
See All 7 Comments
Hollie @Jas16 have you read his 3y
Jas16 I have not but I am curious about it. Have you? 3y
Hollie @Jas16 yes, it is about a turn of the century NYC bank robber. A novel based on a true story. I enjoyed it. It's not quite as good as The Tender Bar, but I love early 20th c Brooklyn as a setting! 3y
Jas16 I will add that to my TBR list then. Thank you! 3y
24 likes7 comments
quote
keithmalek
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer

"People just don't understand how many men it takes to build one good man. Next time you're in Manhattan and you see one of those mighty skyscrapers going up, pay attention to how many men are engaged in the enterprise. It takes just as many men to build a sturdy man, son, as it does to build a tower."

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keithmalek
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer

"The indefatigable pursuit of an unattainable perfection, even though it consist in nothing more than in the pounding of an old piano, is what alone gives a meaning to our life on this unavailing star."
--Logan Pearsall Smith

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keithmalek
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer

"The fascination of what's difficult has dried the sap out of my veins and rent spontaneous joy and natural content out of my heart." --W. B. Yeats

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Tjackson
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Pickpick

One of my favorite memoirs!!! It will make you laugh and cry! A story of community and character!

8 likes1 stack add
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Hollie
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Pickpick

This is by far the most #memorablememoir. I recommend this book to everyone. He's dealing with universal struggles that everyone can relate to, but in such intensely beautiful writing. I always re-read this book when I am between books. I love it more every time. #booktober

ValerieAndBooks I have this in my TBR. Need to move it up! 3y
Hollie Yes, @ValerieAndBooks and let me know what you think when you are done! 3y
Leftcoastzen It is one of the best books I ever read. 3mo
Hollie @leftcoastzen me too! 3mo
13 likes2 stack adds4 comments
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Ellen
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Pickpick

One of my favorite genres and one of my favorite memoirs, a beautifully-written and brutally honest coming of age story about his uneasy path from the Long Island neighborhood bar to becoming a writer. #memorablememoirs

RealLifeReading Nice photo! 3y
MrBook ☝🏻️ What @RealLifeReading said 😊. 3y
Ellen @MrBook given the amount of alcohol consumed in the memoir, my bar is woefully underrepresenting! 3y
20 likes1 stack add3 comments
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Hollie
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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My #firsteverlitsypost was a quote, followed by another quote, and it didn't even include a fun picture. I was so excited to have found this community of readers on #litsy and wanted to share 2 of my fav #quotes within one of my fav books. I ❤️ the tender bar and I love Litsy! Happy Sunday! #booktober

MrBook And we love your posts 😁👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👍🏻🙌🏻! 3y
Hollie Why thank you, @MrBook 3y
13 likes1 stack add2 comments
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JoanCallen
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Just a few pages in and I'm hooked.

review
Hollie
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer
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Pickpick

Poignant, masculine, endearing, not put down-able. I've read this 3x. You know the characters he writes of in his coming of age story...everyone has a Bobo or Uncle Charlie they can relate to. The writing is beautiful and I can't recommend this book enough.

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Hollie
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer

"I turned every defeat into a disaster, every success into an epic triumph, and separated all people into heroes or villains. Unable to bear ambiguity, I built a barricade of delusions against it."

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Hollie
The Tender Bar: A Memoir | J. R. Moehringer

"While I fear that we're drawn to what abandons us, and what seems most likely to abandon us, in the end I believe we're defined by what embraces us."