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Shit My Dad Says
Shit My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
44 posts | 139 read | 50 to read
'At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up, he had a way of cutting right through the bullshit and pointing out exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down all the things he said to me' Meet Justin Halpern and his dad. Almost one million people follow Mr Halperns philosophical musings every day on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his sayings. What emerges is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father and son relationship from a major new comic voice. As Justin says at one point, his dad is like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair; and this is the sort of shit he says You know, sometimes its nice having you around. But now aint one of those times. Now gimmie the remote, were not watching this bullshit. Happy Birthday, I didnt get you a present Oh, mom got you one? Well, thats from me then, too unless its shitty. Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldnt stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down. The worst thing you can be is a liar . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2. Why the f**k would I want to live to 100? Im 73 and shits starting to get boring. By the way, theres no money left when I go, just fyi.
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Dolly
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Pickpick

Good, not great. Some LOL moments but the grousing of dad gets old quickly. 🌟🌟🌟

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LoverofLit
Shit My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Pickpick

This book was hilarious. Full of funny nuggets of wisdom from a father that while at times is brusque and an oddity, really loves his kids even when they baffle him. I highly recommend listening to this one!
#pop19 #popsugar2019 #popsugarreadingchallenge
A Book About a Family

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AlisonM
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Pickpick

I listened to this on audio. HILARIOUS!!! I had moments were I couldn‘t breath from laughing so hard. It was a good thing my husband was driving. Loved the relationship the father and son had. Even through the horrific language, you could tell his dad truly cared about his family. #Book14of2019

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JoScho
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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julesG 😁 5mo
Smrloomis 😂 I loved this book. 5mo
Slajaunie 😂 5mo
See All 8 Comments
gradcat Hilarious! 😆🤣😂 5mo
JoScho @Smrloomis I haven‘t read it yet but it is on my list. 5mo
Slajaunie That sounds hilarious! Added to my tbr. 5mo
Smrloomis I remember it as a fast, funny read 👍🏽😎 5mo
113 likes3 stack adds8 comments
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Eggs
Shit My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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This book is free on amazon prime right now.

“If it's not bourbon or sweatpants, it's going in the garbage.... No, don't get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.”

#laughtersthebestmedicine #jazzyjune

85 likes3 stack adds
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thricerenewed
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
Pickpick

If you enjoyed the twitter feed, you‘ll probably enjoy this book. Each chapter has anecdotes surrounding some of the quips from dad. Light reading, heavy profanity, loving father/son relationship.

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Suet624
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Pickpick

I don‘t sit on waitlists - I just peruse the nonfiction audiobooks available on Libby. This often results in listening to a book I never would have actually read. I had no idea who Halpern or his dad were but ended up having a laugh out loud car ride listening to this. I love his dad. If you are uncomfortable with swearing, don‘t bother listening. You‘d be offended by every second word. 😂😂 A great one to listen to.

76 likes5 stack adds
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Allthebookclubs
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
Mehso-so

I read this for one of my book clubs, I picked it for our humor genre. Honestly, I am going to be a little embarrassed when we meet next week to discuss it because of all of the foul language. I wish that I would‘ve read more reviews or picked up the paperback copy before recommending it. Don‘t get me wrong, I have moments where I cuss like a sailor, however after listening to this book I am likely going to rethink that. Book 21 of 2019

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Samplergal
Shit My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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My random audiobook because real life is funny. I used to follow this guy on twitter.

Stephuhhnieee I adore this book! An audio read of it sounds amazing! (edited) 8mo
Samplergal @Stephuhhnieee it‘s great so far. The dad‘s voice is crazy funny. 8mo
Stephuhhnieee @Samplergal just put myself on the waitlist for it ☺️ can‘t wait! 8mo
vkois88 It's been years since I read this, but I remember laughing so hard it hurt a few times 8mo
sk888888 So funny!!! 8mo
80 likes2 stack adds5 comments
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tracydishman17
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern

I've been super excited to get started on this book. I wish I would've thought of it with the stuff that comes out of my Dad's mouth.

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ShelleyBooksie
Shit My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Pickpick

Funny, down to earth book. This was a light hearted and refreshing read.

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Deborah42
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Pickpick

Guy tweets out some of his dad‘s pearls of wisdom, gradually gains attention, and collects aforementioned zingers into a book (along with essays about their relationship). Funny and poignant.

Don‘t pick this up if profanity bothers you.

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Deborah42
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern

On Friendship, Part II:

“I don‘t need more friends. You got friends and all they do is ask you to help them move. Fuck that. I‘m old. I‘m through moving shit.”

Eggs 😂 precisely 😂 9mo
4 likes1 comment
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Deborah42
Shit My Dad Says | Justin Halpern

On Silence:

“I just want silence....Jesus, it doesn‘t mean I don‘t like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.”

Eggs ❤️❤️ 9mo
4 likes1 comment
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Eggs
Shit My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Smrloomis 😂 I thought this book was hysterical! 9mo
ShelleyBooksie This one is in my bedside tbr pile! 9mo
darklydreaming 😂😂 9mo
See All 7 Comments
Eggs @ShelleyBooksie Quick fun read! 9mo
sk888888 I laughed out loud a few too many times, reading this one! 9mo
Eggs @ShelleyBooksie Word to the Wise: do not read with full bladder or you'll , you know... 9mo
94 likes3 stack adds7 comments
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ShelleyBooksie
Shit My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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@Tianarose @TheKidUpstairs @StillLookingForCarmenSanDiego

Here are my choices - I own two and have two on my to acquire list. Interested to hear of you have read any.

StillLookingForCarmenSanDiego I haven't read any. But I think only one is a Canadian author. Unless I'm wrong or you didn't want to follow that theme. 9mo
ShelleyBooksie Oh shoot - I totally missed that we were doing Canadian Authors (fun!). I will go back to the drawing board. 9mo
StillLookingForCarmenSanDiego As long as that theme is ok with you! 9mo
7 likes3 comments
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Ncostell
Shit My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Pickpick

This audiobook made for an entertaining ride to and from work, listening to anecdotes and hilarious (and profanity filled) words of wisdom from Justin Halpern‘s dad.

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CogsOfEncouragement
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Pickpick

I expected this to be funny, it was. I expected every quote from the dad to be peppered with profanity, they were. I did not expect raunchy stories from the author, they did not add anything of value. #AudioMemoir

Allthebookclubs I didn‘t expect so much profanity, oh well. I also was not impressed and could‘ve lived without all of his masturbatory experiences. 7mo
18 likes1 comment
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CatLass007
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Mehso-so

A funny book about a wise man, if you‘re not easily offended. LOL. Not worth the hype though.

87 likes1 stack add
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shahn77
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
Mehso-so

This book was ok. It was short and the stories were entertaining. I didn't enjoy the voice used when the dad was speaking. That was my biggest complaint with this audiobook.

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Gezemice
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Pickpick

Justin Halpern's dad tells it like he sees it. He is an old curmudgeon, imparting wisdom in a hilarious, most profane yet insightful way. While he clearly has not been the easiest to grow up with, yet the love between father and son shines through as his dad drops gem after gem. I loved the audio - short and hilarious! ⭐⭐⭐⭐/5

Laura317 Bahahahaha!!! That last line! 😂 2y
Gezemice @Laura317 It is full of great quotes. I should post more :) 2y
Laura317 @Gezemice Yes, you should!! 2y
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa I loved this on audio too! I also listed to and recommend this one of his 2y
Gezemice @Riveted_Reader_Melissa That sounds good! I will try it when I need a light one. I am listening to The Gene now - feel like I need to progress on the AtoZ... it is really good, great on audio! 2y
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Gezemice That's how I've been listening to it, a few chapters here and there between other books. And I agree, very good on audiobook. Yay, I need to commit to making progress on my AtoZ too. I'm reading a lot of great things, just not what I'm supposed to be reading. 2y
Gezemice You can always reshuffle it later. :) 2y
58 likes2 stack adds7 comments
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Seekingtardis
Shit My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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😂😂 Happy Fathers Day to all the great dads, awesome moms and wonderful people!!

Books_Wine_Repeat 😂😂🤣🤣😭😂👍 2y
Bookzombie 😂😂😂 2y
sprainedbrain 🤣🤣🤣 2y
MaleficentBookDragon 😂🤣😹👊🏻 2y
43 likes1 stack add5 comments
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Claudia9498
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
Pickpick

Laugh Out Loud...LITERRALY!😂........ I love this book.. Hilarious!

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TheHeartlandBookFairy
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
Pickpick

My first audiobook and I would say I'm hooked! Hysterically funny, laugh out loud funny, literally! I don't have a very long commute, about 12 to 15 minutes each way. However I finished this book in 5 days just driving back and forth to work and running errands. That's approximately three hours that I did not spend reading and yet I finished a book! That's awesome 😁 Gotta Love multitasking! Tomorrow I start my next audio book...

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TheHeartlandBookFairy
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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My latest library haul, my second visit this week 😂📚 The last two Books by the Bay in the series that I've been binge reading (new release in May). And, in an attempt to get into audio books, I checked out 3. I popped in Sh*t My Dad Says and laughed all the way home! 😂I may be hooked on audio books🎧

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lisakoby
Shit My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Pickpick

The audiobook is hilarious; the narrator sounds just like the dad looks like he would. Great commute reading. #audiobook #audiobooklove

Notafraidofwords Dying of laughter... 3y
MyNamesParadise 😂😂😂 I loved that audiobook so much!!! 3y
39 likes6 stack adds2 comments
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throwmeabook
Shit My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Day 23 @bookriot challenge: the best thing to do on a rainy winter day is to read a #funnybook #riotgrams #shitmydadsays

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vicgreentoriafield
Shit My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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I listened to the audiobook while driving back from FL and there was one part that my husband and I laughed so hard at we both started crying. This will forever be considered one of the funniest books I've ever read because of that reason. It has also become one of my fondest memories.

#funnybooks
#riotgrams

22 likes3 stack adds
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MyNamesParadise
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Pickpick

This is absolutely hilarious!!! The dad is a combo of my mom, dad, & grandfather & the anecdotes reminded me a lot of similarly awkward situations I've been in or at least the feeling you get when you worry about what your family is going to say! I loved the inflections the narrator put in his voice when he did Justin at different ages & then his mom and dad. I enjoyed how the final track was a more serious message so it ended on a poignant note!

AnnieReads Omg!! I loved this one. It was laugh out loud funny. 3y
44 likes1 stack add1 comment
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jdtchicago
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern

The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.

Gina This book rocks! I so enjoyed it 3y
Karen_V 😂 3y
princessapr I enjoyed it a lot. I haven't had his other one yet but picked it up on sale. 3y
72 likes5 stack adds3 comments
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jdtchicago
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern

You say you‘re sick, huh? Well, it looks like you‘ve come down with a case of bullshit.

47 likes2 stack adds
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Eggs
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Get ready to laugh out loud, possibly guffaw, or snort...I've read it twice; will probably read again and again

10 likes2 stack adds
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lcarter3489
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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2016 I passed my goal by 35 books! All because I fell in love with audiobooks 💕 my goal for 2017 will be 75! Wish me luck!

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Nicohlay
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Bailedbailed

I hate to say it but I'm bailing on this one. I thought it was going to be something funny and family-quirky-fun but Noo.. I guess I should have figured that out from the title. Lol I curse as much as the next person but there was just WAYYY too much in this. And every other sentence the term GD was being used.. That's just too much. I didn't even make 20 minutes into it. ❌❌

BekahB I read his book I Suck at Girls, which didn't have as much cursing and his dad only made appearances every once in a while 😂 3y
41 likes1 stack add1 comment
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Kajohnson
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Going back for a little laugh with Justin Halpern 😊

30 likes1 stack add
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Minervasbutler
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Pickpick

Short, fun read. The narrator's dad leaps off the page to the extent that he practically joins the pantheon of comic creations. But there is also genuine warmth, and not a little wisdom behind the laughs. Very enjoyable.

Laru79 I was in firs of giggles when I read this, lots of fun!! 3y
76 likes6 stack adds1 comment
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alanacristin
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Pickpick

Wahh, the first book I've read in one sitting since babe arrived! Thank you for napping ? so, I don't tweet, and all these stories were new for me. I do love some curmudgeonly old men (props to my Japanese phone Swype for recognizing that word... and never "Tokyo"). Halpern shows off the loveable side of his rough talking dad, and everyone relates. Highly entertaining, especially while cradling your own progeny. #singleservingreads #mommyreads

MrBook Nice pic! Welcome to @Litsy ! We think you'll like it here, enjoy your stay 😎👍🏻. 3y
6 likes1 comment
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jdtchicago
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern

Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.

Riveted_Reader_Melissa Such a funny book! 3y
66 likes5 stack adds1 comment
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Karen3
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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#FunFridayPhoto I read this one several years ago and it was one of the funniest books I have ever read. Had to keep reading it out loud to my husband because he wanted to know why I was laughing so hard.

Riveted_Reader_Melissa OMG I loved this one, and his I Suck at Girls! I listened to both on audiobook, very good! 3y
GinaAnderson I love this and it reminds me of another great internet book. 3y
80 likes10 stack adds2 comments
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BookReviewFAIL
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Pickpick

Curmudgeon Dad spends decades ridiculing his idiot son through hilariously scolding banter. I think I'm ready to be a father now. ☕️👔💼🍸

23 likes6 stack adds
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Chessa 😂😂😂 3y
TheApesOfWrath So cheesy but I loved this book! 3y
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @TheApesOfWrath I'm finding I'm enjoying the cheesy pure fun reads even more now that I'm using them for levity between some heavier reads. For me this was the perfect refresher for in between The Forever War and Diary of a Young Girl. 3y
36 likes5 stack adds3 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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ReadingOver50 Ha! Sounds like a great book. 3y
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @ReadingOver50 It was a very quick and very funny read! 3y
17 likes2 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Pickpick

We all have at least one crazy relative that says whatever comes into their head with no filter, this is a very funny collection of those types of gems dispersed over a lifetime from father to son. On a side note, the author's I Suck at Girls is also very funny.

MatildaBaggins I read this last year, so hilarious!!! 😂 3y
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @LoriMcclurg You have to try his I Suck at Girls then! I stumbled across and read that one first, but it's great too. 3y
19 likes3 stack adds2 comments
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa
Sh*t My Dad Says | Justin Halpern
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Listening to this funny gem on my drive today, here's a taste of the Sh*t My Dad Says.

brendanmleonard I really liked this one - found it surprisingly moving! 3y
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @brendanmleonard I'm really enjoying it so far. I'm a bit out of order here, but I came across his I Suck at Girls first and really enjoyed that one too. 3y
22 likes4 stack adds2 comments