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What My Mother and I Don't Talk About
What My Mother and I Don't Talk About: Fifteen Writers Break the Silence | Michele Filgate
*Most Anticipated Reads of 2019 Selection by Publishers Weekly, BuzzFeed, The Rumpus, Lit Hub, and The Week* Fifteen brilliant writers explore how what we dont talk about with our mothers affects us, for better or for worse. In the bestselling tradition of The Bitch in the House, What My Mother and I Dont Talk About is an anthology about the powerful and sometimes painful things that we cant discuss with the person who is supposed to know us and love us the most. In the early 2000s, as an undergraduate, Michele Filgate started writing an essay about being abused by her stepfather. It took many years for her to realize what she was actually trying to write about: the fracture this caused in her relationship with her mother. When her essay, What My Mother and I Dont Talk About, was published by Longreads in October of 2017, it went on to become one of the most popular Longreads exclusives of the year, and was shared on social media by Anne Lamott, Rebecca Solnit, Lidia Yuknavitch, and many other writers, some of whom had their own individual codes of silence to be broken. The outpouring of responses gave Filgate an idea, and the resulting anthology offers an intimate, therapeutic, and universally resonant look at our relationships with our mothers. As Filgate poignantly writes, Our mothers are our first homes, and thats why were always trying to return to them. Contributors: Cathi Hanauer Melissa Febos Alexander Chee Dylan Landis Bernice L. McFadden Julianna Baggott Lynn Steger Strong Kiese Laymon Carmen Maria Machado Andr Aciman Sari Botton Nayomi Munaweera Brandon Taylor Leslie Jamison
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ClairesReads
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Pickpick

Varied in scope and focus, this collection of essays is the most real thing I‘ve read about the complexity of a relationship with a mother figure. The personal essay is in fine form and I‘m here for it.

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ClairesReads
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New audio, so good.

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AshleyKorinE
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Pickpick

Mothers, mothering, relationships with mothers, it‘s all hard. It‘s hard to process, live through, survive sometimes even if you‘ve got the best mother who ever lived. It‘s a relationship that you grow up with in more ways than one as it‘s constantly changing. This was a good, relatable, sad and truthful read in a way I can‘t be about my own mother. I appreciate the emotional labor others were willing to go through that I won‘t touch personally.

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mrozzz
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Pickpick

Incredibly relatable, speaking to varying levels of familial bonds & lack thereof by different voices. My writing instructor was included as were several of my favorite authors: Carmen Maria Machado, Melissa Febos, Kiera Laymon... It‘s well-worth a read whether or not you & your mother are close. The stories sparked many emotions, mostly empathy. I so respect writers who chose to share these pieces of their realities. I crave more of this honesty.

Christine I really enjoyed this one, too. ❤️ 3mo
BarbaraBB Hey Mel, you‘ve been quiet lately. I hope all is well 😘 3mo
mrozzz @BarbaraBB Everything is so good! I started a new job last month and I‘m still getting acclimated. Hoping to start posting regularly again soon. ☺️💕 I really appreciate the check-in. How are you?? 3mo
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BarbaraBB That sounds good, the new job! I can imagine you have less to time read! I am fine, enjoying autumn. Busy at work too but lots of time to read and listen to podcasts (my latest addiction)! 😘 3mo
mrozzz @BarbaraBB podcasts are dangerous!! I never got into them so I‘m at least cranking through lots of audiobooks to make up for my slower consumption of print books. I hope autumn for you is as lovely as it is here! 3mo
BarbaraBB You are right! I should listen to audiobooks instead. But I can‘t help myself. Those true crime series keep calling out to me! Have you moved yet? Have a lovely time in your new house! 🍂 🍂❤️ 3mo
mrozzz I get it!! @BarbaraBB Yes! I‘m all moved in and I donated a bunch of books to my nearby secondhand shop so that I would have a little room to grow into my new shelves (which I‘m quickly filling up!) 3mo
MrBook @mrozzz Ahhh, you‘ve moved and gotten a new job! 😁👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 So happy for you and your husband 🤗! Sorry about not keeping tabs, it‘s been crazy over here for me too 🙈. 3mo
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Bookzombie
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Pickpick

I saw Michele Filgate, Melissa Febos, and Bernice McFadden speak about their essays at the San Antonio Book Festival in April and was happy to finally get to the book. I think overall this is a great collection. A few made me smile and others brought tears to my eyes. Over the last few months circumstances have made me think about my mother and our relationship a lot. I don‘t think that this book could have come along at a better time for me.

Bookzombie Read in September. #nonfiction19 (edited) 4mo
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ONH
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Been getting more and more into essay collections lately and I can‘t think of a better way to end the weekend than by doing some familial soul searching 💖🌸👩‍👧This one‘s had my eye for a while!!

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Reagan
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The other day, I was teaching a gender studies class-nine teenage girls all anxious to say the right thing, their desks in a circle-and my students and I were talking about mothers. We were talking about the impossible positions they are placed in, the ways in which they are our models; we were talking about what little space moms have to also need and also want.

😥

AutumnRLS This is a great collection of essays. Not what I expected, but beautifully written and often heartbreaking. 5mo
Reagan @AutumnRLS I agree! It has not turned out anything like I was expecting but I am having so many feelings. I tore through it and I‘ll go buy it. 5mo
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Augustdana
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15 essays from various writers of various backgrounds about their mothers. Revealing and heartbreaking. Recommend. One of my favs this year. And with this book i am one book ahead of my reading challenge !!

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Hooked_on_books
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Pickpick

The title expresses well the contents of this book of essays. They range all over the map, from abuse to the complicated nature of relationships. As most of us have mothers, it‘s relatable, but I also found it a bit of a gut punch and felt drained at the end. I‘m glad I read it.

Backdrop: dog yoga (#Bindi)

Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks I love the dog yoga!!!! 🤣🤣 6mo
Crazeedi ❤❤❤🐶🐶 6mo
cathysaid I want to be Bindi. 6mo
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Riveted_Reader_Melissa Love your Bindi in the background! 6mo
Leftcoastzen 😂🐶 6mo
mreads ❤🐕 6mo
Hooked_on_books @Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks @Crazeedi @cathysaid @Riveted_Reader_Melissa @Leftcoastzen @mreads Thanks, guys! She‘s an avid practitioner—this is typically a daily occurrence. She has a related pose with one or both front legs straight up in the air. She cracks me up every time. 6mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa I have a cat like that! 🤣 6mo
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BrownGirlReading
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Pickpick

This was an excellent essay collection that got me thinking about what I don‘t talk to my mother about. And it will do the same to you too if you decide to pick it up. I highly recommend reading these moving essays by great writers.

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AutumnRLS
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Switching to essays after the sun goes down. Paul Tremblay is too scary for nighttime reading #anxiety #scardycat

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Skeebies05
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Pickpick

I devoured this book. Obviously I liked some essays more than others. I‘m glad it ends with a happier essay bc A lot of these were a bummer (but good!) Loooooved it!

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BookAlongBlog
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Pickpick

4/5🌟I thoroughly enjoyed this! I find reading almost anything about Motherhood and Mother-Child relationships so facinating! I loved how these essays showcased all different relationships with Mothers. The cause and effect of the things we dont speak of. From traumas, addictions, shame, to decisions mother make or don't to fathers to our mothers own lives. Very thought-provoking! Also discovered some new writers, Leslie Jamison & Melissa Febos.

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Christine
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Pickpick

I really enjoyed this collection and found all of the pieces good, some of them great (like Leslie Jamison‘s - love her writing, can‘t believe I still haven‘t read The Empathy Exams!). I don‘t read too many essay collections organized by topic, but this makes me want to read more of them, because the way in which the writers‘ experiences are hugely different but still share many common threads is rich food for thought.

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rather_be_reading
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More Oprah picks

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Denisereads75
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Pickpick

What My Mother and I Don‘t Talk About‘ is a series of short stories told by 15 writers and their relationships with their mothers. ⁣

I loved and felt deeply moved by the stories that these writes shared.

Megabooks Sounds good #stacked! 8mo
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Notafraidofwords
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Mehso-so

I find stories about motherhood so intriguing, like cult stories. It is true that relationships between mothers and daughters are often based on what is not said, what decisions are not made, what is left up in the air. That‘s why I found this collection of essays interesting. Unfortunately, only a few are striking and memorable. However, if you like stories about motherhood, childhood and memories pick this up.

Jas16 I have been so curious about this one. 9mo
ReadingEnvy I think I found two that really resonated. 8mo
Notafraidofwords @ReadingEnvy do you remember which ones? 8mo
ReadingEnvy hanauer, steger-strong, and machado 8mo
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sophierayton
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Pickpick

Difficult but important topics discussed. There's so much in life that keep us from being honest and authentic, this book explores what it is to be both those things and more.

TimSpalding I remember Filgate when she worked at River Run bookstore in Portsmouth. It's great to see her rise. 9mo
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HollyQ
Pickpick

Oy. The things we don‘t talk about are harrowing and searing in their truth. A great collection of essays. Each more well-written than the last. All brilliant. This book will stay with me.

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trazo
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A wonderful birthday gift from two of my favorite peeps! I am excited to dive in! Thanks @Paws-and-books and @dlopez69 😊

Cathythoughts Great title 👍🏻 9mo
55 likes3 stack adds1 comment
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Liberty
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It‘s Tuesday, which means NEW BOOKS! Here are some of today‘s new releases. And there‘s a whole bunch more out now! What are you excited to read? 📚❤️📚

nelehelen Listening to you right now 😆 9mo
Lindy I really excited about 9mo
JanuarieTimewalker13 Spring, but I want to start with Autumn, so I‘m going to be behind on this one 9mo
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FeministBookClub
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A tough read for anyone who doesn‘t have a pristine relationship with their mother. So basically, all of us.

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balletbookworm
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Pickpick

A very solid collection of essays from a diverse selection of writers about the things they don‘t talk to their mothers about: family history, abuse, love, protection, secrets, first husbands, expectations. Particularly poignant essays are from Alexander Chee and Brandon Taylor (the last few pages of Brandon‘s gutted me, not because it‘s graphic or horrible, but because it‘s a wish to have understood his mom and who he knew her to be).

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