Welcome to Litsy!

#TuesdayTunes a day late.

Love this song about being the family scapegoat & ending generational trauma.

“Please
Handle with ease
Ironing out a 50 year old crease
This shit is not a disease I am free
Healing what's broken 'fore I'm deceased
Fertilize new branches in this family tree”

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=QWwV5VovVME&si=fgb2HidL_8rIFXIp

Good content… needs better editing, lots of little words (article adjectives & prepositions) omitted which disrupts the flow of the text.

This book has a lot of very interesting theories. I enjoyed the stories that are included with each section, it helped show hey this is what that might look like. I buddy read it with a friend and we discussed it in sections so it was helpful to bounce thoughts off each other while reading it.

#MentalHealthMonday
1. Back and forth.
2. Tagged. I was recommended this book a few years back and it honestly helped so much.
@Kerrbearlib

In this wise and practical guide, a clinical psychologist who grew up with emotionally immature parents, provides powerful strategies to help you recognize and break free from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents and discover the invaluable gifts they can offer you as well....
Full review: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/6472722830

Started this one after Kim Jiyoung. Had been debating getting a new therapist, but by the end of the intro I knew it was time! I downloaded the PDF of the questionnaires and wow talk about clarity! I don‘t know if any real healing has happened yet, but someone is ready for therapy now. Very clear how both my mother and grandmother expressed their emotional immaturity. Talk about an eye opener!

1. 👪 💔😥
2. Black Sheep by Rachel Harrison 🤞
3. Neil Gaiman; T. Kingfisher; Matt Haig; Jeff Lemire; Katherine May; Edgar Allan Poe; Banana Yoshimoto; Junji Ito; Holly Black; M.T. Anderson
@eggs #WondrousWednesday

It was quite interesting, sometimes I felt it too much, but I could do so much self reflection.

This one‘s been sitting in my Audible queue for a long time…it was straightforward and clear with informal assessments you can learn from. Both my parents came from sad childhoods and it really limited their abilities to be nurturing with us; they were emotionally distant, punitive, and selfish. I understand what caused their immaturity but the end result is still the same for us kids 😔. I forgive them and myself for my behavioral reactions to it

The writing style here is very dry and feels very academic. That said, the case studies and examples did hold my attention, probably because it felt more like a story.

I would listen to a podcast or a TED talk on this topic and I think that's where I head next.

I did takeaway a lot from it but at times it felt like a struggle and it took me a long time to get through because this isn't a format that engages me.

3.5/5⭐ A clearly written, easy read on identifying emotionally immature people/parents, the effects those parents have on their children, and how to move past those detrimental experiences. The examples provided, while helpful, were extreme cases. The information could have been much more nuanced and balanced (the author has a prominent bias in favor of internalizers).

Healing in Progress… 🪫So far this is spot on with both my mother and step mother…

5/5. I wish I could send a copy of this book to anyone who has had a dysfunctional childhood because of their parents. It gave me so much understanding and validation that I wasn‘t expecting. Truly a life changing book for me. 4/100

I found it very helpful and validating

I‘ve spent a lot of my life trying to break free from dysfunctional family dynamics and this book has been a gentle affirmation to all the growth I‘ve been working on in navigating family and healing myself. It was so easy to get through and on being done, I‘m full with gratitude for all the reclaiming of self I‘ve done so far and continue to do🧡✨

My therapist reads a lot too, and she recommended this book for me. It is fantastic! It explains so much to me about my interactions with family AND other people as well. It‘s so on point that the author understood my guilt at even beginning to call (certain parent) emotionally immature. 🔥🔥 10/10 would recommend! #audiobook

Phenomenal book about the implications of what it means to be raised by an emotionally unavailable parent, how to learn from this relationship, and guidance to healing. Gibson‘s book has become vital to my sessions and a must-read for those struggling with emotionally stunted parents!

The holidays are coming up, and I find myself recommending this book more and more often to my clients. This is a fantastic resource for identifying how the emotional immaturity of your parents may have shaped you, how to navigate those challenging relationships as an adult, and how to liberate yourself from ongoing distress in the relationship.

Current SECRET audiobook. Which is incredibly insightful so far.

Obviously I would not recommend this to just anyone, but if the title resonates with you, it might be worth checking out. My therapist recommended it and yes, it was very helpful for me!

They also tend to enjoy humor at someone else's expense, using it to boost their self esteem.

The point of expressing your feelings is to be TRUE to yourself, not to change your parents. And there's always the likelihood that they can still love you even if they don't get you at all.

You can respect your parents for everything they've given you, but you don't have to pretend they have no human frailties. As we discussed in chapter 2, satisfying a Childs physical and financial needs is not the same as meeting that Childs emotional needs.

The key is to go into the interaction always knowing the end point you wish to arrive at.

You can't force others to emphasize or understand. The point is to feel good about yourself for engaging in what I call clear, intimate communication. Other may or may not respond how you want them to, but it doesn't matter.

Internalizes don't act out their emotions immediately, like externalisers do, so their feelings have a chance to intensify as they're held inside. And because they feel things deeply, it isn't surprising that internalizers are often seen as overly sensitive or too emotional.

And when under severe stress, some internalizes start reacting as impulsively as any externalizer

For instance, once externalisers hit rock bottom, they sometimes open up to the idea that they may need to change instead of expecting the world to adjust to them.

Especially because most emotionally immature parents are externalisers and struggle against reality rather than coping with it. They blame the outside world for their problems, as if reality were at fault

Playing a role-self usually doesn't work in the long run because it can never completely hide people's true inclinations. Sooner or later, their genuine needs will bubble up. When people decide to stop playing the role and live more from their true self, they can go forward with more lightness and vitality

Another reason negative role-selves arise is that it's common for emotionally immature parents to subconsciously use different children in the family to express unresolved aspects of their own role-self and healing fantasies. For instance, one child may be idealized and indulged as the perfect child, while another is tagged as incompetent, always screwing up and needing help.

Role entitlement: When parents feel entitled to do what they want simply because they're in the role of parent, this is a form of role entitlement. They act as though being a parent exempts them from respecting boundaries or being considerate.

They rationaluze their impulsive and insensitive responses with excuses like "I'm just saying what I think" or "I can't change who I am"
-"Then you want me to surprise my feelings?" When asked not to insult(basically) ppl????

Having her around is nothing but work for me. It's like dealing with this superficial person who just wants me to do things for her. I don't know how she has the nerve to be so demanding.

And because they overreact so frequently, you may quickly learn to tune them out for the sake of your own emotional survival.

They have overwhelming physical evidence that their parents loved and sacrificed for them, but they feel a painful lack of emotional security and closeness with their parents.

As adults, these emotionally immature people have an automatic anxiety reaction when it comes to deep emotional connection.
- I used to feel this, trying to be better

Parental rejection doesnt always result in low self confidence. Some intelligent, resilient people somehow manifest the confidence to pursue good careers and reach high levels of achievement.

When I asked if he'd confided in Alexa about how he was feeling, he said, "No, I can't. She's got her own stuff to deal with. I don't want her to see me as this was who cant deal with his own issues

Her husband and parents werent trying to understand; they were focused on trying to convince her she was mistaken

Pg 16 - Typically, their relationships with their parents are so draining that they don't have the emotional energy to pursue romantic relationships, nor do they want to.

During childhood, Jake had gotten the message from his mother that showing any emotional needs meant he was weak.