I need a safe place for a minute. Mother‘s Day isn‘t a huge deal to me, but it is a little deal. Last week hubby and kiddo asked me what I wanted. Two things, I said: for either a bathroom or the kitchen to get a serious cleaning that I don‘t have to do; and for kiddo to practice her violin without being reminded a million times. I thought those were reasonable requests. They agreed. Done deal, right? 👇🏻
ravenlee This morning I got to sleep late, until hubby woke me up with “you have tea and breakfast out here and they‘re both getting cold.” My breakfast was half a cold bagel and a plate of fruit to share with kiddo. No card. Kiddo, reminded by my mom, realized that this is the second year in a row she hasn‘t made me a card, so she hastily scribbled one and flung it at me. No other acknowledgement from hubby beyond a cursory mention. 11mo
ravenlee She did, eventually, practice her violin, but only after hours of reminders and harassment. No cleaning has been done or is likely to. Hubby is worn out from doing yard work this morning and grilling a huge platter of various meat for lunch. Poor thing. (Did I mention I‘m a vegetarian?) He has also decided that my plan for dinner is too much effort and he doesn‘t feel like helping clean up, so he changed the meal plan. But I‘m required to help. 11mo
ravenlee I don‘t feel particularly appreciated this mother‘s day and am very upset with nobody to talk to about it. Thanks for being my safe space, Litsy. 11mo
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Bookwormjillk This sucks, sorry. 11mo
Hooked_on_books It‘s amazing to me that in 2023 the work of women continues to be taken for granted. You are absolutely right to be angry and frustrated and all the other feelings for this. It‘s disrespectful to you to trample on your requests that someone do the work you always do with (I‘m guessing) little to no thanks but, rather, expectation. You are appreciated and understood here. 11mo
JamieArc I feel angry on your behalf (and I‘m not a mother; I also hate Mother‘s Day because of my complex relationship with my mother). I‘m sorry this is how your day went 😖. I hope they surprise you later on with some empathy and apologies. 11mo
5feet.of.fury @ravenlee that sucks and is really unfair. I would be really frustrated, too. 11mo
TiredLibrarian I'm so sorry. 11mo
Ruthiella I‘m sorry to hear this. I‘m also upset on your behalf. 😡 11mo
Tamra Sigh. Overworked, underpaid, under-appreciated. But not by us, WE recognize your value! 💜 11mo
Bookwomble Sorry to hear your day was so disappointing. ❤️ 11mo
Susanita Maybe for Father‘s Day you can make yourself scarce and let him fend for himself 🤐 11mo
mcipher Ugh that‘s so unfair and I‘m sorry. Next year maybe just leave for the day and take yourself on a date? I‘m super mad at your husband for being so selfish and I 100% think it‘s worth talking to him about it. 😣 11mo
CBee Wow, I am so sorry!! Such a letdown and so frustrating. Your requests were perfectly logical and EASY to do! I agree with @Susanita and @mcipher. Take a day for YOU next year 💚 11mo
merelybookish This hits home because I have had similar experiences. I learned to take instead of hoping to be given. It still can be disappointing but at least I get something I want/need. Usually that means I go and do something on my own. 11mo
Reggie Oh chica, I‘m sorry. I work with a grandmother who took care of one sons grandkids for a while when his wife died from Covid. She spent alot of her savings when she helped another one go to California and get custody of his kids. I asked if she at least got a breakfast today and she said no, she got a text from the 3rd son saying HMD. I‘m sorry, ya‘ll deserve better. 11mo
BookNAround Well, that‘s shitty. I‘m so sorry your day was the exact opposite of what you deserved. 11mo
LeahBergen That sucks. I‘m so glad you got to vent a little, even if it‘s just to us. ❤️❤️ 11mo
Dilara That's terrible! And also quite familiar. 11mo
thebacklistbook Sounds like a love language disconnect. Sorry it wasn't better for you. Happy mother's day anyway. 11mo
batsy Damn. I'm sorry. I was upset just reading this. I hope you're feeling better talking about it but otherwise, yes. I agree with @mcipher and I also definitely agree on taking the day off you need in the future... ❤️ 11mo
ravenlee Thank you all. I can‘t tell you what it means to have this kind of support, especially when I‘m feeling lost and invisible at home. Seeing all the encouragement here first thing today…it‘s heartening. @Bookwormjillk @Hooked_on_books @JamieArc @5feet.of.fury @TiredLibrarian @Ruthiella @Tamra @Bookwomble @Susanita @mcipher @CBee @merelybookish @Reggie @BookNAround @LeahBergen @Dilara @thebacklistbook @batsy you‘re all the best. 11mo
ravenlee As an addendum, the day ended much the way it started. Kiddo put on a doll ballet for me, not so much for MD but because she wanted to. It was fun. Hubby later said it was my day to be lazy, which I don‘t get to do often. But it‘s very much the MD cliche of “Mom doesn‘t have to do the cleaning but nobody else does so there‘s more to do on Monday.” Today I get to clean the kitchen - yay! He has a history of doing what he thinks is best instead of 11mo
ravenlee what I tell him I need, which I find absolutely infuriating (case in point: when I was struggling with the early days of motherhood and nursing and recovering from a traumatic birth, I asked him for a peanut butter sandwich because I was starving while nursing kiddo. Half an hour later, he gave me fried potatoes because he decided something hot would be better for me. I cried. I needed the protein. He got mad that I didn‘t appreciate his effort). 11mo
Librariana I am sending you a HUMONGOUS virtual hug 💗💜💛❤️💚🧡💙 It's upsetting to read about the treatment you received on Mother's Day and more so because it deals with selfish behaviors from someone meant to be a partner. Altering extremely reasonable requests for the sake of what suits or is convenient for us isn't a gift, and you don't deserve that. I am so very sorry you weren't reminded of how special you are. 11mo
CBee @ravenlee what he should‘ve done in that case is make your PB sandwich, no questions asked, and if he also wanted you to have something hot, fine! But just make the damn sandwich! I hope you‘re feeling some better today, but if you‘re not, that‘s okay too. Still sending lots of love 💗 (edited) 11mo
dabbe I “liked“ this, but only because I want you to know we are all standing with you. You didn't even TELL them what you wanted; they ASKED. I just can't fathom that they then ignored what you asked for after they inquired! WTH? I would suggest that you not clean the kitchen, but it would probably drive you crazy being dirty, right? Is there a day you can take and just drive out of town and stay in a nice inn/hotel? You deserve it. #inyourcorner 💙💚 11mo
NatalieR I‘m so sorry you had such a disappointing day. 😥You definitely deserve to be treasured and appreciated. 🩷 11mo
ravenlee @Librariana @CBee @dabbe @NatalieR thank you all. I‘ve been kind of salty about it all week, but now I‘n trying to move on. My mom is visiting for the next few days and kiddo has her dance recital, so it‘s time for new challenges and hoping for some appreciation in the everyday stuff if not on mother‘s day. 11mo
ravenlee And yes, I did end up cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms by myself because I couldn‘t take it anymore. 11mo
Amiable I just saw this post now. Since you‘re trying to move on, I won‘t say what I‘m thinking because I don‘t want to stir up more emotions. Just want to say I agree with everyone that you deserve better than this and I hope you can get it sooner rather than later. And definitely make plans now to take yourself on a holiday next year! 11mo
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