Welcome to Litsy!

Just finished Ingrid Clayton‘s Fawning. I will be thinking about it for a long time. It was a life-changing read that I highly recommend to fellow fawners, especially those who grew up in authoritarian families, high control groups, etc.

Here is my cat Boots in her serene thinking pose. We hope you are having a lovely day ♥️

#CatsOfLitsy

“Eventually I realized the world wasn‘t full of rainbows and sunshine. So many of us created magical world views in response to the toxic environments we had to survive in. We created world views as children who were parenting ourselves. So now when people are cruel or selfish, it‘s like we don‘t have a place to put it. We feel truly blindsided.” ⬇️

“Healthy conflict involves tolerating some upset, but most fawners don‘t know what healthy conflict feels like. We don‘t know if we are in relationships that can support it, and we don‘t want to risk trying. Our bodies are keeping a perpetual eye out for new threats, so even potential upset is overwhelming.”

I‘m excited to hear this interview! Check out the episode on Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/12AMaR7FtmNbbX98DXKwEL?si=x3QkGYVNQdSjzvc7vrQbu...

“There is a long-held saying about family, that no matter their composition or disposition, they are your ultimate support system: “No one loves you like family.” As a trauma therapist, I‘m saddened to report how often this simply isn‘t true. Our family systems are often terribly dysfunctional; yet that doesn‘t erase the platitude. Instead, children still believe family is love, forever equating that word with whatever they experienced at home.”

“Codependency and people-pleasing are adaptive coping mechanisms in dysfunctional environments. These patterns are not a reflection of our character, values, or self-esteem.” ⬇️

“Additionally, many people have learned to fawn in their families or their larger communities. Touted as simple “respect,” fawning is an adaptive response to living in a hierarchal, patriarchal society.” - Ingrid Clayton

Yup.

“Pete Walker, a psychotherapist and the author of Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, coined the term fawning after working with countless survivors of trauma and abuse. He defined fawning as “a response to a threat by becoming more appealing to the threat.” Fawners mirror or merge with someone else‘s desires or expectations, to defuse conflict rather than confront it directly. Because it‘s their best chance to stay safe. At least for now.”

Out tomorrow. Can‘t wait!