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What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape
What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape | Sohaila Abdulali
Except for the foundational belief that rape is a crime, with a criminal and a victim, I will not take anything else for granted. Sohaila Abdulali was gang-raped as a teenager in Bombay. Indignant at the silence on the issue in India, she wrote an article for a woman's magazine challenging the way in which rape and rape victims were perceived. Thirty years later her story went viral in the wake of the 2012 fatal gang rape in Delhi and the global outcry that followed. Drawing on her own experience, her work with hundreds of survivors as the head of a rape crisis centre in Boston, her research, and three decades of grappling with the issue personally and professionally, WHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN WE TALK ABOUT RAPE is about changing the conversation around rape culture, questioning our assumptions, and deciding how we want to raise the next generation. Sohaila asks pertinent questions: Is rape always a life-defining event? Does rape always symbolise something? Is rape worse than death? Is rape related to desire? Who gets raped? Is rape inevitable? Is one rape worse than the other? Who rapes? What is consent? How do you recover a sense of safety and joy? How do you raise sons? Who gets to judge? She doesn't pretend to have all the answers, but she passionately believes that we must talk about rape and we must talk about HOW we talk about rape, and as she says, draws shamelessly on the fact that she is both victim and survivor. #metoo, sexual assault, sexual harassment, the womens march. Never has the disparity between how men and women are treated in particular environments been interrogated more - in the media and in private discussions.
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Soscha
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“So why is it so hard to figure out where you should or shouldn‘t put your penis?” 🔚

............

I wanted the finish this short volume today but I‘m not sure I‘ll be able to. This is very hard reading. 🙁

TrishB Very good read though. 5y
12 likes1 comment
review
TrishB
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Pickpick

This was an excellent read. Yes, it‘s an extremely difficult subject, there are bits that will make you squirm, cry and experience real anger!
It‘s a testament to the author that she can even make you laugh.
There is only one reason for rape, rapists.

Cathythoughts Sounds really good Trish 👍🏻 5y
Alicepondpoe As a rape victim who birthed a daughter, I am loathe to send her into the world one day because of rapists. 5y
TrishB @Alicepondpoe totally understand. It is difficult for us all to send our daughters out into the world, but even more so when you have experienced rape. I can‘t imagine the anxiety you will feel. Sending hugs ❤️ if you haven‘t read this I would definitely recommend. The author is amazing. 5y
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TrishB @Cathythoughts I am in awe of the author, who I feel has written an amazing book. 5y
Alicepondpoe I just looked it up and my library has it. I think I will pick it up later this evening. Thank you ❤ @TrishB 5y
Alicepondpoe I try to educate her in a manner that doesn't make an enemy of all men. After all not all men are terrible. But it hurts to think we have to train our daughters STILL in this day and age to be vigilant and to protect what others think is theirs to take. I tell my daughter, one day women will rule the world 😄 5y
TrishB @Alicepondpoe glad the library has it. I totally agree, we shouldn‘t have to warn our daughters ☹️ I so wish that wasn‘t the case. My daughter has just turned 18 and I‘m very anxious about her going out drinking with her friends, it‘s not fair. And yes totally agree, all men are not terrible and it‘s important they know that and have those men in their life. 5y
Alicepondpoe @TrishB Oh man 18!! I have 5 more years but I can only imagine the anxiety you have!! 5y
TrishB @Alicepondpoe exactly 😁 5y
laurieluna I will be teaching my 2 boys that they have no control over other peoples bodies, and to respect their female peers. I already talk to max As a victim of assault it would break my heart to ever learn that one of my boys did that go a woman. I shall definitely be picking this up. 5y
TrishB @laurenbescoby I‘m sure you‘ll do a great job with them, just acknowledging you need to have that conversation is always a great start. 5y
131 likes9 stack adds11 comments
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GivenLemons
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Pickpick

A very readable book about how we talk about rape across the world. Abdulali brings her experience as a rape survivor, rape crisis counsellor and academic to examine our beliefs and blind spots. Definitely worth reading!

Weaponxgirl I own this but haven‘t got around to reading it yet. I need to make sure I‘m feeling strong emotionally before I read about this sort of thing as it just makes me angry and sad. Thanks for the review 5y
SharonAlger Thanks for sharing this one. 5y
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shanaqui
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Pickpick

You'd think this book would just be triggering and hard to read (because yeah, #MeToo), but I found that it mostly let the light in by discussing the topic frankly and clearly. It felt like I was heard and accepted.

A glimpse of the #bookblanket growing! I think once I make the hexagons for my most recent reads, I'll be starting a second row. This book's motif is the last, "spring green" and "boysenberry" for a misc genre book bought this year.

Kaye Pretty ! (edited) 5y
shanaqui @kaye Thanks! I can't wait for it to start getting big and snuggly, haha! 5y
Kaye So are you making it all in the same colors or mixing them all up like a quilt ? And how big are you making it ? Like couch size or bed size ? 5y
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shanaqui @kaye Each motif gets its colour from the genre (centre) and source (i.e. backlog, library, etc, the outer ring) and then each one is joined to the others in order, from left to right, 10 hexagons to a row. So there sometimes might be a couple in a row with the same colour, but mostly it'll be a patchworky variety, I think. It's going to be about the size of a single duvet if I read my usual amount this year! 5y
Kaye It reminds me a bit if one I made about 20 years ago. It‘s hard to explain without a photo, which I don‘t have because I gave the Afghan away. I made a yellow one for the center, then pink ones to go all around it, then 2 green ones one the sides ( to be leaves) , then the background was off white. It turned out really pretty. 5y
Hooked_on_books I just love your bookblanket project. I can‘t wait to see the end result! 5y
Readerann Your blanket is gorgeous! Can I ask what pattern you‘re using for your hexagons? 5y
shanaqui @kaye That sounds awesome! @Hooked_on_books I'm sure I won't be able to resist showing off. 😁 5y
shanaqui @Readerann It's this one: https://www.crochetspot.com/expanding-geometric-motif-crochet-tutorial/ With a couple of tweaks of my own for more stable motifs (I don't use the starting chain as the first stitch in a cluster, I make it the middle; personal preference) and 18 stitches in the first round. 5y
17 likes9 comments
blurb
TheNerdyProfessor
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Today I visited the first English bookstore on the continent of Europe, Librarie Galignani. The inside was so cute and charming - and the book selection was amazing.

Not pictured: the man who asked me on a date despite my wedding ring and book on rape culture in my hands 🙄🙄

review
Hooked_on_books
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Pickpick

This book seeks to continue the conversation about rape brought forward by the #MeToo movement. It is phenomenal. It holds nothing back and is very emotional to read in places—rape is laid bare in the page in an unrepentant way. This is a book our culture needs to look more objectively and seriously about a very important topic.

TrishB Currently Q9.49 on kindle - just brought, thanks for reviewing. 5y
52 likes3 stack adds1 comment
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Hooked_on_books
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Great paragraph. This book has a lot of terrific quotes.

Chrissyreadit Yes- amazing that we still have to argue consent, respect and women‘s rights in general. 5y
Erinreadsthebooks AMEN!! 👏🏼🙌🏼🏆 5y
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Suelizbeth
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Pickpick

i received a free ebook ARC from Net Galley in exchange for an honest review. This should be required reading for all human beings. This book gives us the language and the instructions for speaking honestly and openly about rape. This book is not accusatory or preachy and I am surprised at how much I didn‘t really know about rape. The author speaks about what rape survivors need and it can be vastly different for each rape survivor.⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

JenReadsAlot Just downloaded it from #netgalley 5y
78 likes4 stack adds2 comments