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Lilli de Jong: A Novel | Janet Benton

This post contains spoilers

Crazeedi, kspenmoll, TheBookHippie, thereadingowlvina, Deblovestoread, Chrissyreadit, CoffeeNBooks, shellleigh33, sblbooks, Readswithcoffee

Chrissyreadit I did not get this tag!! I loved this book- I am so glad you did a buddy read. 4y

thereadingowlvina I absolutely loved this book and will re-read in future! Loved the prose. Another great choice for a buddy read! I'm hoping that there will be another book by this author 😁 4y

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Lilli de Jong: A Novel | Janet Benton

This post contains spoilers

Crazeedi, kspenmoll, TheBookHippie, thereadingowlvina, Deblovestoread, Chrissyreadit, CoffeeNBooks, shellleigh33, sblbooks, Readswithcoffee

CoffeeNBooks I was glad everything ended well for Johan, Lilli, and Charlotte. I was surprised that Lilli's dad seemed to have changed some, helping by making a table for them. 4y

sblbooks I like the happy ending. It did seem a bit abrupt, it went from one extreme to the other. 4y

shellleigh33 I fevered for Lillie and her baby for awhile. I was afraid that Lillie may have died or lost poor Charlotte. So I am happy with the ending and how it wrapped up with her finding Johan and the support she needed. 4y

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megnews I think I‘m in the minority. I don‘t know that I‘m unhappy with the happy ending but it seemed too abrupt. I feel like Lilli was on the verge of being able to make it on her own with Charlotte and I would have liked to see a while different way her story could have unfolded if John didn‘t return. I think with Lilli‘s tenacity, she could find a way to make it. 4y

Chrissyreadit I‘m happy for the ending but I agree Lilli would have been ok- and in some ways deserved better than Johan. 4y

thereadingowlvina The ending was satisfactory although it did seem haste. 4y

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Lilli de Jong: A Novel | Janet Benton

This post contains spoilers

Crazeedi, kspenmoll, TheBookHippie, thereadingowlvina, Deblovestoread, Chrissyreadit, CoffeeNBooks, shellleigh33, sblbooks, Readswithcoffee

CoffeeNBooks Lilli was such a strong woman, sacrificing and enduring so much, and steadfastly holding onto the belief that she could care for her daughter no matter what her circumstances were. 4y

sblbooks The most touching part for me was the amount of love Lili had for her baby. Even though she was an unwed mother and everyone was telling her that it was impossible to keep the baby. It seems you don't see that as much today, sadly. 4y

TheBookHippie I‘ve doula volunteered for 28 years and mentored teen moms, they still get horrific treatment in my community and even get kicked out of some of our schools, however there is improvements in society as a whole. What stayed with me is the religious shaming because it still happens so many years later. Horrific. 4y

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megnews Outside the motherhood theme, I think what affected me and will stay with me the longest is how cruel people can be. I could not believe when the wife Lilli worked for (can‘t remember name) kicked Lilli out. And the many poor conditions Charlotte was in. Just heartbreaking. 4y

kspenmoll Her experience of motherhood will stay with me, as well as her grit, determination, tenacity. She was driven by her deep connection & love for her daughter every step of the way. Her time on the street while homeless will stick with me as well. 4y

shellleigh33 Lillie‘s strength and determination to keep her baby and go against society‘s views of what was “the right thing to do” touched me. Lillie‘s love for Charolette showed just how much a mother will do to protect and care for their children ❤️ 4y

Chrissyreadit I think we just have not improved in caring for mothers and babies. We have the highest maternal and infant death rates in the first world- and women are both punished for being mothers and staying home as well as going to work with many levels of micro aggression - even in judging each other. 4y

thereadingowlvina Her love for her baby and the sacrifices she made to the point of being taken advantage of. She did not give up her baby. That was the most touching part for me 😥 4y

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Lilli de Jong: A Novel | Janet Benton

This post contains spoilers

Crazeedi, kspenmoll, TheBookHippie, thereadingowlvina, Deblovestoread, Chrissyreadit, CoffeeNBooks, shellleigh33, sblbooks, Readswithcoffee

TheBookHippie I think the saying “To be a mother is to forever having your heart walk outside your body “ fits here. 4y

megnews @TheBookHippie I agree. I was very touched reading this book as my oldest‘s daughter is 9 months. She is breastfeeding which has really taken me back to those early days with my kids. Reading about Lilli‘s mother love for Charlotte added another layer to my current experiences. 4y

Chrissyreadit I am so sorry- I was just scrolling because I thought it such a short discussion- I never received the notification for these last three! 4y

Chrissyreadit I felt such a strong connection to Lilli because of her love for her baby. It is an interesting contrast to the way wealthy families separated from their babies and did not seem bonded. 4y

megnews @Chrissyreadit I‘ve never understood how people could look down on people who feed and raise their kids or why they would let people they thought so little of do so. 4y

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Lilli de Jong: A Novel | Janet Benton

This post contains spoilers

Crazeedi, kspenmoll, thereadingowlvina, Deblovestoread, Chrissyreadit, CoffeeNBooks, shellleigh33, sblbooks, Readswithcoffee

CoffeeNBooks I think Johan is respectful enough of Lilli that he doesn't need her to tell him everything she endured in his absence. 4y

megnews I agree with her mother. I think secrets can be like lies. The more you tell or keep, the more you continue. I also think Lilli longs to be fully known & still loved. I sort of felt that Johan was taking the easy way out for himself to not have to know the pain his absence caused. I think it would have been nice to say “I‘ll listen if you‘re ever ready.” Then that gives Lilli a choice. 4y

sblbooks If there was ever a sequel to this book I think Lilli would tell him the truth. I don't think she would be able to keep secrets. I agree that most of the time, honesty is the best policy. In Lilli's situation though I don't think it's helpful to tell Johan everything she did. 4y

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TheBookHippie @sblbooks I agree with you. And @CoffeeNBooks he doesn‘t need her to tell him every detail. 4y

Chrissyreadit I think it depends on the secret. Humans are fragile and ego based. I think we should always weigh the cost. If she felt safe she should tell him, but in that time period it would be interesting to know his response. At the same time- when one is open nothing can be used to blackmail you. 4y

shellleigh33 @sblbooks I agree with your response. I believe that Lillie did what she had to do to protect her child and at the time she didn‘t have much other choice. I would hope that Jonah would understand that and still be there for her if she was to ever tell him. 4y

Readswithcoffee Sorry I‘m so late on this. I was out of town. Given the times, I‘m not so sure he could handle the truth. 4y

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Lilli de Jong: A Novel | Janet Benton

This post contains spoilers

Crazeedi, kspenmoll, TheBookHippie, thereadingowlvina, Deblovestoread, Chrissyreadit, CoffeeNBooks, shellleigh33, sblbooks, Readswithcoffee

kspenmoll If set today, she would have more choices: adoption, keep the baby with support from state/fed gov.( like book Maid), abortion, adoption. All are tough choices. But she developed such strength in coping with her choices, I think she would now too. There are homeless shelters & at least in Boston there was/is Boston Healthcare for the Homeless where my sister worked in her past. She still would face stigma, but not shunning Depending on religion. 4y

kspenmoll I truly don‘t know if I would be able to keep the baby with all the seemingly impossible barriers. Not sure if I would die or be jailed if homeless. 4y

megnews While religious values have relaxed over time, women still face a stigma behind unplanned pregnancies. If a woman keeps a child now, I think life is much easier than then. Not saying it‘s easy, just easier. Aid, food stamps, medical, childcare subsidy, housing, homeless shelters, different jobs available to women now than then. Still, not an easy life. 4y

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CoffeeNBooks I want to believe that Lilli wouldn't have had to make so many sacrifices and faced so much shame if she was in this situation today. The fact that people wouldn't employ her because she was an unwed mother seems absolutely absurd. 4y

sblbooks I know I wouldn't be able to care for a baby during that time. Even today would be difficult, but much easier. If I were Lilli I would have went in search of Johan rightway. It seems she was pretty sheltered. For example she didn't know she could write to the post office "general delivery" Which of course seems foreign to me today. I won't go anywhere without someone knowing where I am and how to reach me. 4y

Chrissyreadit 1. Even today, She would not be allowed to work in the religious schools in my area, but she could work in the public schools. 4y

Chrissyreadit 2. She would be eligible for some aid- such as a day care that is somewhat monitored- and are safer than the ones she experienced- but even in my area I have walked into a child care provider whose friend was there shooting heroin, and have had children find paraphernalia. But if she was able to get into one of the bigger day cares- it would work well. 4y

Chrissyreadit 3. DHHR in my area is very shame based, as are several of the local pantries and medical providers. I have accompanied families and the way I am spoken to before they know I am a professional support is awful and heartbreaking. But she might not be homeless or hungry. I say might- because I have worked with families who opted to live in their car rather than the shelter. I have gone to the shelter- and it was a very difficult situation for women 4y

Chrissyreadit With children. Doors cannot be locked and items are stolen all the time. Children must be with you at all times even on job interviews (cannot buddy up and help watch each other‘s kids), if you miss meal time hours due to work schedule you are responsible for feeding yourself and children- but can‘t use dining room or kitchen or bedroom. So safer but still difficult. 4y

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Lilli de Jong: A Novel | Janet Benton

This post contains spoilers

#LillIRead

Crazeedi, kspenmoll, TheBookHippie, thereadingowlvina, Deblovestoread, Chrissyreadit, CoffeeNBooks, shellleigh33, sblbooks, Readswithcoffee

megnews I think Lilli‘s faith changes. I think she holds on to it, but rather than just being her mom‘s faith, it becomes hers through grappling through tough things within herself and with God. 4y

CoffeeNBooks I think many of the sacrifices she made were because of her religious beliefs, but I think her understanding of her faith changed toward the end. 4y

Chrissyreadit I think many of her choices were shaped by her faith. She would have changed in some way, just because life can either shake or strengthen faith. I do not feel like we were given a strong idea of what path she chose in her faith journey in the end. 4y

Crazeedi Almost every choice she made was grounded in her beliefs, from the father who would have disowned her to the sacrifices she made 4y

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