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The Other Significant Others
The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center | Rhaina Cohen
2 posts | 2 read | 5 to read
"Rhaina Cohen’s moving, intimate portraits of people in unusually devoted friendships upend our cultural narratives about which relationships matter . . . an arresting work of compassion and insight." —Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and co-host of Dear Therapists podcast Why do we assume romantic relationships are more important than friendships? What do we lose when we expect a spouse to meet all our needs? And what can we learn about commitment, love, and family from people who put deep friendship at the center of their lives? In The Other Significant Others, NPR's Rhaina Cohen invites us into the lives of people who have defied convention by choosing a friend as a life partner—these are friends who are home co-owners, co-parents or each other’s caregivers. Their riveting stories unsettle widespread assumptions about relationships, including the idea that sex is a defining feature of partnership and that people who raise kids together should be in a romantic relationship. Platonic partners from different walks of life—spanning age and religion, gender and sexuality and more—reveal how freeing and challenging it can be to embrace a relationship model that society doesn't recognize. And they show that orienting your world around friends isn't limited to daydreams and episodes of The Golden Girls, but actually possible in real life. Based on years of original reporting and striking social science research, Cohen argues that we undermine romantic relationships by expecting too much of them, while we diminish friendships by expecting too little of them. She traces how, throughout history, our society hasn’t always fixated on marriage as the greatest source of meaning, or even love. At a time when many Americans are spending large stretches of their lives single, widowed or divorced, or feeling the effects of the "loneliness epidemic," Cohen insists that we recognize the many forms of profound connection that can anchor our lives. A rousing and incisive book, The Other Significant Others challenges us to ask what we want from our relationships—not just what we’re supposed to want—and transforms how we define a fulfilling life.
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ImperfectCJ
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If you've listened to the author on Ezra Klein's podcast, you probably got pretty much all you need from the book, although the final chapter on the limitations of marriage is really interesting. Cohen's picture of intimate platonic friendships challenges paradigms, but I feel a little like I'm learning about a different species as this type of friendship, although appealing, is not one I've experienced personally, and I'm not sure how it happens.

ImperfectCJ Photo: Another waterfall pic from Zion NP, Lower Emerald Pool. 3d
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currentlyreadinginCO
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By the epilogue, I was fully nodding along. I like reading about sociology because I walk away with the feeling that things that I thought were outside of the norms are pretty standard -- like seeking fulfillment from more than just a romantic source, and not placing the full burden of your emotions on any one individual. There's a lot of good stuff here about the legal barriers in non-marital relationships, too. Overall, a good read.

Texreader Excellent review 4mo
DocBrown Yay sociology! 3mo
70 likes4 stack adds3 comments