^^93 most alive when trembling with dread
19 “circumventing my dead wife‘s closet”
89 “coffee, strong coffee, I‘d begun to believe, was a conduit to the divine”
90 “if one does this, meaning studies or contemplates Madness and Civilization while also listening to Stravinsky‘s The Rite of Spring, it‘s the equivalent of losing a limb or getting executed, but in a good way”
^^this final “I don‘t know who I am” after pages and pages of blabbedy blah blah is heartbreaking. The caregiver, the failed scholar, the widower, searching to redefine identity. Also love the contrast between the father‘s and son‘s obsessions: Great Books versus EDM.
Much like “Saint Sebastian‘s Abyss,” realizing in the end that it‘s the relationships that make life full. PAY ATTENTION
92 “one can never have enough coffee in their coffee”
pickStarts with “Anyway,” already in motion & can‘t stop, won‘t stop, holding back grief. Mania besieged by self-sabotage & distraction, obsessed with Montaigne, with coffee, with finding a “mental Sahara” for focus. Titles without texts. Repeating riffs like house music, longing for Stravinsky. Exhausting, propulsive voice, echoing Sebald or Saunders. Pathetic, hilarious character but when realization finally hits, everything breaks right open. 2024
Lesser Ruins | 
