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Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love (Revised)
Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love (Revised) | Dossie Easton, Janet W Hardy
The classic guide to love, sex, and intimacy beyond the limits of conventional monogamy has been fully updated to reflect today's modern attitudes and the latest information on nontraditional relationships. For 20 years The Ethical Slut has dispelled myths and showed curious readers how to maintain a successful polyamorous lifestyle through open communication, emotional honesty, and safer sex practices. The third edition of this timeless guide to communication and sex has been revised to include interviews with poly millennials (young people who have grown up without the prejudices their elders encountered regarding gender, orientation, sexuality, and relationships), tributes to poly pioneers, and new sidebars on topics such as asexuality, sex workers, and ways polys can connect and thrive. The authors also include new content addressing nontraditional relationships beyond the polyamorous paradigm of "more than two": couples who don't live together, couples who don't have sex with each other, nonparallel arrangements, couples with widely divergent sex styles, power disparities, and cross-orientation relationships, while utilizing nonbinary gender language and new terms that have come into common usage since the last edition.
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nibech
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Day 5: A book that makes you happy

I came across this book when I entered a new phase of discovering myself. I love The Ethical Slut. It's realistic, practical, and overall a good book for relationship advice. I am a sex positive person and don't think that Sex or Sexuality should be taboo anymore but in some sense it always will be. This is a great book if you want to feel reassured that the term "slut" can be one of sexual empowerment.

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nvhXesq
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Chapter 1, 7% in, 6 highlights...

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broverwhelming
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I can always use a re-read. A formative book for me.

kgriffith Have I asked if you want to be in my queer cooking group on fb? Janet doesn‘t contribute often but she‘s a member 😊 1y
kgriffith @LitsyWelcomeWagon Please welcome Liam, pronouns: they/them/their 😊 1y
See All 20 Comments
Broke_Girl_Reads @kgriffith thanks for the mention! 🌈 1y
SkeletonKey Yay!! My pronouns are also they/them. Welcome. 1y
kgriffith @SkeletonKey Yay, another neuroqueer too! 💜 1y
SkeletonKey @kgriffith - Always happy to meet more 😆 1y
queerbookreader Thanks for the mention 🎉 hello!!!!! I'm Claire they/them 1y
broverwhelming @kgriffith yes, of course I want to be part of your FB queer cooking group! (!!!) 1y
broverwhelming @SkeletonKey thanks! Great to meet other bookpeople who also use they/them/theirs. 🌈 1y
broverwhelming @queerbookreader hi Claire! I love that name! *they/them pronouns high-five* 1y
kgriffith @broverwhelming Done! Add Mel if you think she‘d like in? 1y
queerbookreader I read lots of comics so if you have any questions or want to know about queer titles hit me up!! 1y
Jabberwocky Hello! So glad to have more bookish queers in my life! ♥️ 1y
Jabberwocky And thank you very much for the mention @kgriffith 💕 1y
RaimeyGallant This sounds interesting. And welcome to Litsy! #LitsyWelcomeWagon Some of us put together Litsy tips to help new Littens navigate the site. It's the link in my bio on my page in case you need it. Or if you prefer how-to videos, @chelleo put some together at the link in her bio. 1y
Eggs Welcome to Litsy 👋🏻😊 1y
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mspixieears
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Lovers should be treating you the way your friends do, first and foremost before treating you like a lover.

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mspixieears
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The difference between self-love and narcissism, and how self-nurturing practices can help you learn about what you might want/need from other humans.

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mspixieears
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My cat: the original ethical slut

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mspixieears
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Anger as a constructive emotion.

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mspixieears
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Fairness doesn‘t always mean perfectly equal.

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mspixieears
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Constant communication of feelings is necessary though not always easy.

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mspixieears
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When it‘s okay and not okay to rely upon implicit, unspoken agreements. What happens if you‘ve not been brought up in a very uncommunicative environment? or bullied in family/friendship circles? (these are the questions I‘m asking myself)

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mspixieears
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I need reminding of this: it‘s okay to ask for things you want/need emotionally.

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mspixieears
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How soothing ourselves in stress sort-of rewires our brains to produce healthier levels of neurochemicals!

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

Our experience is that relationship troubles are almost always two-sided: if you can acknowledge your own contribution to the problem, you can work toward solving it.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

Some people habitually bear the burden of being responsible for everybody‘s emotional well-being and feel that they‘re somehow at fault because they‘re unable to magically make everyone‘s pain and trouble disappear. Instead of refusing to own their stuff, one partner takes too much responsibility for the problem at hand. Such people need to learn to own their own bit and let everybody else own theirs.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

Your relationship with yourself is a lifelong commitment.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

Some very capable sluts maintain more than one primary relationship.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

It‘s important that we not be totally grossed out or disgusted by one another‘s lovers – especially if it‘s going to be long-term, it helps if we can all be friends.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

We‘d like to see a world where all of our relationships are honored and valued and where it is understood that a couple‘s love and their journey together is in no way less important just because it occurs in two houses rather than one

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

Some couples, after dating for a very long time, may look at what living together would look like and decide that it would be a bad idea – maybe all those differences would work out better in separate spaces. this decision can be hard to make in a society were living together is practically the definition of relationship.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

We suspect that couples living separately will not be that different in their sexual lifestyles and those who live together. It can, however, make being together much more of a special occasion, so people tend to respect these times and be willing to invest a little effort into making them special.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

It‘s a very good idea for everyone to learn to live single – to figure out how to get your needs met without being partnered, so you don‘t find yourself seeking a partner to fill needs that you ought to fill yourself.

RaimeyGallant Things I wish my mother had taught me. 2y
KyrstinElizabeth @RaimeyGallant I think I could file this in that drawer also. 2y
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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

Do you have to live together? Why? Why not instead enjoy your friend for the things you like about him and find someone else with whom to share the other things? Sluthood means, among other things, that you don‘t have to depend on any one person to fulfill all your desires.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

You may discover that while you enjoy one another‘s company and have fabulous sex, your habits regarding housing, money, possessions, and so on are wildly incompatible. In such a situation, you could do what generations of people have done – move in together and spend years trying to change one another, getting frustrated and resentful in the process. Or you could reconsider some of the implicit assumptions you have brought to the relationship.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

We believe that every relationship is unique unto itself, and thus even an attempt to think in types and forms is not going to express the essential truths of what happens when we love people.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

In physics, the triangle is considered one of the most structurally sound and well-balanced structures...

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

Studying the scripts you had to live by in your childhood will explain a lot about how you react to anger and conflict today.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

We have had long, intense intimate conversations that felt deeply sexual to us.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

We think erotic energy is everywhere- in the deep breath that fills our lungs as we step out into a warm spring morning, in the cold water spilling over the rocks in a brook, in the creativity that drives us to paint pictures and tell stories and make music and write books, in the loving tenderness we feel toward our friends and relatives and children.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

We have found that jealousy is an emotion like any other: it feels bad (sometimes very bad), but it is not intolerable.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

We hate boredom. We are people who are greedy to experience all that life has to offer and are also generous in sharing what we have to offer. We love to be the good time had by all.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

We tend to like our lives complicated, and the challenge of maintaining stable work and home lives while discovering new people and ideas is just what we need to keep us interested and engaged.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

Sluts tend to want a lot of things: different forms of sexual expression, different people, perhaps men, or women, or people in between, or some of each.

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KyrstinElizabeth
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

Sluts often find that the more love and sex they give away, the more they have...

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mspixieears

We think it's a good idea to model physical and verbal affection for children; that's how they learn how to be affectionate adults. But you'll have have to make some decisions about the appropriate dividing line between physical affection and sexual demonstrativeness.

How are we to teach our children to say "no" to an abusive adult if we are not frank about what it is that should say "no" to? (pp 103, 102)

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mspixieears
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Education at the appropriate times is not abuse, and parents need to try to give enough info as is appropriate to age/s and situations.

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mspixieears

"Still, many parents have a great deal of difficulty bridging the gap between responsible parenting and inclusive relationships."

(dare I say, that's precisely why monogamy traditionalists feel so threatened?)

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mspixieears
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Some thoughts on family interconnectedness and security in sexually extended families.

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mspixieears

Kids take to non-traditional relationships better than we think, and being surrounded by more and extended family can mean happier, well-adjusted kids! Shame that this isn't encouraged more.

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mspixieears

Commitment to healthy sex should be mature, realistic and sober. Be prepared to share your decisions with potential partners. It might be unerotic and awkward but gets easier with time. You deserve the right to request that of potential lovers also. (p98)

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mspixieears
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Be educated, courageous and honest, and remember that sex doesn't always involve squirting inside another human. (pp 95-6)

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mspixieears

Others have decided not to engage in any form of penetration with an organic penis. We have never heard of a dildo or a butt plug coming down with an infection.
(obvious, but hilariously put!)

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mspixieears
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Restriction of certain sexual acts that have higher risk of transmission of STIs.

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mspixieears
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Take time to research safe sex!

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mspixieears
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How to bring up being an ethical nonmonogamist.

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mspixieears

We learn to flirt as infants, and sometimes need to relearn it as adults! It can be nonverbal or with sincere, nonsexual compliment/s. (p85)

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mspixieears
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Allow relationships to take non-conventional forms and not be dictated by cultural conformity.

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mspixieears
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Making promises you keep, and discussing what is embarrassing = ethical sluthood.

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mspixieears
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Secrecy seems to be today's bookish theme! Secrecy and sense of getting away with something.

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mspixieears
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What UNethical sluts might look like…

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mspixieears
Ethical Slut | Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy
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We get to be different selves to different people, and that's okay.